The Secret Service – 8. Hole In One

The episode opens at Leyland Golf Club. In real life, the location unit filmed the gates leading to the Dropmore estate in Taplow. I’m going to warn viewers now that I know very, very little about golf so any critical analysis I make of the way the game is played on-screen comes from a place of total ignorance… and indifference.

It’s a typically British overcast day. This episode was in production around early November 1968 so I’m sure the weather was a constant source of joy for the film crew. Two men, golfers if you will, appear in shot. Helpfully, they’re wearing jumpers in the whitest white and reddest red so despite being filmed from a distance it’s pretty clear who is who. As far as we can ascertain, all the live-action golf material was shot at the Maidenhead Golf Club, which I would imagine Shane Rimmer and Tony Barwick frequented. Incidentally, the identity of the two actors playing the live-action golfers here is something of a mystery…

The 15th Green. This may or may not be the actual 15th Green of Maidenhead Golf Club. Ultimately whatever looked best on camera was probably the chosen location. But if you ever happen to be playing the 15th Green of Maidenhead Golf Club, you can pretend for a moment that you’re in an episode of The Secret Service. Oh what fun you’ll have.

General Brompton is playing against a young agent called Forrester and judging by the dialogue I think the overall impression is that they’re not the worst golfers in the world but not exactly the best either.

We cut back and forth between the puppets and some live-action legs doing all the actual putting and what not. As one has come to expect by now, it’s not really a seamless blend between the two types of shot. The complexity involved with switching back and forth must have been a real headache and I think the production team truly did the best they could given the circumstances. Making a Supermarionation character whack a ball with a club convincingly wouldn’t have been possible, but the dialogue which is critical to the plot would have been lost without showing the character’s faces in close-up. It had to be filmed with a combination of live-action and puppets to fully get the scene across.

It’s fascinating to consider that without the Supermarionation/live-action mix, Hole In One simply wouldn’t have been made. No other Supermarionation series prior to The Secret Service would have considered a plot revolving around golf or a sport of any kind because of the inherent physical limitations of the puppets. Only the format of The Secret Service made it possible. We’ve talked a lot in previous reviews about the limitations of the show’s premise and the way it was filmed, but Hole In One is an example of the writers realising that the unique filming methods now opened up some story options that were previously off the cards. Now, whether these new story options were remarkable enough to warrant such a drastic change in direction for Century 21 is up for debate, but there’s probably a reason why episodes such as Hole In One stand out as being more memorable than other instalments of The Secret Service.

With all that being said, let’s talk about the real meat and potatoes of the plot for this week. During their golf game, Brompton and Forrester are also quietly discussing the details of correcting the orbit of a space vehicle via some sort of signal transmission. We’ll find out later exactly why General Brompton needs to be kept in the loop about all this, but right now it just seems like tedious gossip.

Anyway, when the ball finally reaches the hole, it suddenly vanishes and gets replaced by another ball. I love this. It’s such a simple idea but it’s just daft and elaborate enough to be interesting to watch, and fits The Secret Service’s tone very nicely. Of course villains are going to construct a ridiculously over the top system for stealing golf balls. That’s obviously a worthwhile use of their time.

Shane Rimmer’s script suggested that the stolen ball should end up in a subterranean room in which, “One of the walls is the bare strata of Earth to show we are underground.” We don’t quite get that in the finished scene but it doesn’t really matter to be honest. It’s fairly obvious that the golf ball has come from the 15th green of the golf course.

The baddies for this week are Kromer and Blake. Kromer is played by the same revamp puppet that plays a ton of villains across Captain Scarlet, Joe 90, and The Secret Service to the point that I’m always semi-convinced it’s the same character in every appearance. Meanwhile, his associate looks like every stereotypical Central American drug baron. In the script, this character is named Blake… which is delightfully confusing because BISHOP obviously already has an agent named Blake who doesn’t appear in this particular episode. I’m sure they’re not the same person… well, fairly sure…

Magnificently, it is revealed that the humble golf ball is in fact a recording device. Somehow, this recording is transferred on to tape for Kromer and Blake to listen to. The original script specified Blake plugging a needle with a trailing wire into the ball but this has been simplified on-screen. The amount of the recording that gets played back in the finished episode is also trimmed down a little compared to the scripted dialogue full of golf-related exchanges from Brompton and Forrester.

Now, the question is, did such covert recording devices exist in 1969 when the series is supposed to be set? Well, to be honest, whether they actually existed or not isn’t really the point. But people certainly believed during the height of the Cold War that listening devices from the enemy were planted everywhere. This episode just pushes that fixation to the extreme, as so many spy thrillers of the period did, and suggests that even the respectable game of golf was not safe from grubby villains aiming to breach the peace.

Here’s what all the fuss is about. The G9 satellite. In the script, Shane Rimmer specifies that the side of the satellite should read “Western Early Warning System. G. 9.” but I guess that was probably a few too many words to fit on the model.

The G9 is noteworthy for being the only space vehicle seen in the entirety of The Secret Service. Earlier Supermarionation series had been terribly excited by the concept of space travel but by the time The Secret Service came along that sort of storytelling became more mature and infrequent. There was a shift towards presenting space exploration as an everyday part of life, rather than a big event meant for the bravest and handsomest heroes. The best example of this is the difference between the big, bombastic launch of Sun Probe in series one of Thunderbirds, followed later by the mundane and routine launching of the automated Telsat rocket in the second series episode, Ricochet. 

Of course, the fact that The Secret Service is set in the present day and that satellites in general were more commonplace than manned spacecraft might have something to do with the more muted presentation of space travel in Hole In One. The model itself is a very faithful re-creation of the type of unmanned orbital satellite that might have been seen around that time. Sputnik 3 is a darn close match for the G9.

In the finished episode, we cut to the opening titles at this point. Shane Rimmer’s original script places the titles a couple of scenes later. Probably a simple case of the director and editor shuffling things around to better suit the pacing of the story. Considering we just saw Forrester on the golf course, I think it benefits the timing of the episode to make his appearance in the next sequence come after the titles instead of before.

Tracking Station 9 of the Western Early Warning System isn’t presented as anything too impressive. It almost feels like Anderson productions at this point were trying to act really cool around the subject of space exploration. Like “oh yeah, we’ve got tracking stations for satellites… it’s no big deal though… just an office block and some radar dishes… there’s nine of them… don’t see what all the fuss is about…” The likes of earlier shows like Fireball XL5 were a little less restrained and discussed space technology more like a hyperactive child desperate for attention – “LOOK! WE’VE GOT A CRAZY SPACE TOWER THAT SPINS FOR NO REASON. WHAT HAVE WE CALLED IT? SPACE CITY!”

Incidentally, Tracking Station 9 would turn up again in UFO, which perhaps tried to walk the balance between the two approaches, given that man was landing on the moon while the series was in production: “Oh yeah, we’ve got a sensible little base on the moon with ships that fly back and forth all the time… no biggie… oh, who runs it? GALS IN PURPLE WIGS AND THE INTERCEPTOR PILOTS JUMP DOWN SLIDES!”

Well this interior is extremely familiar. It’s the set for the Desalination Plant from A Question of Miracles with a big screen added and some control panels swapped out. Further evidence if you needed it that the budget for The Secret Service might not have been as generous as it was for previous series.

Dr. Hawthorn and Forrester are getting ready to do a thing. It sounds terribly important. This is the point that the script suggests cutting to the opening titles but in the finished episode we get to watch it play out uninterrupted.

A nice, clear visual shows us the position of the satellite in relation to the Earth’s atmosphere and the transmission window for the signal. Always love a little flashing light.

This operative chap is on hand to serve up some technobabble. Basically, we’re in safe hands. That’s all you need to take from this, really.

The doc indicates that if they don’t successfully transmit the signal to correct the G9’s orbit, something bad will happen. He doesn’t specify what that is yet but it’s coming up later. Shane Rimmer’s pretty good at only serving up information when we actually need it in order to maintain tension.

Some dramatic counting down builds the tension further. Sure, we may just be looking at a flashing light, but it genuinely does feel quite important.

Suddenly, yelling, crackling, cameras swinging around wildly, dramatic close-ups, dials being dials, control panels being control panels. The signal is more jam than signal. It all gets terribly avant-garde for a moment and actually Brian Heard makes this sequence much more impactful than the script might have suggested at first.

The outcome is clear. The satellite is still trundling along having made not a single change in course. Rats.

The G9 is now outside of the transmission range and the finger of blame for the failure comes down squarely on so-called “Mr. Security”… which would be the alternate name of this blog if it were some kind of men’s lifestyle take on Gerry Anderson productions. 

So, the satellite is falling out of orbit and will burn up in the atmosphere in 72 hours, putting an end to the early warning system. Who jammed the signal though? Well, I think we all know who should be assigned to figuring that out… probably someone who knows bog all about satellites or the technology behind the recording of top secret information…

Sure, why not? At least he’s an older gentleman so might just be a dab hand at golf…

Oh wait, no, he’s an incapable moron. Look I get that for the sake of entertainment and tension for the plot it makes sense for the entire mission to hang on the skills of someone rather ill-equipped but determined to do a good job. So really, I can’t complain. But just to be practical for a moment, doesn’t British Intelligence have at least one operative who can convincingly go undercover AND play golf to a decent standard?

Also I can’t help but notice that the lawn under the bench in the background looks somewhat… ummm… lumpy… like a badly fitted carpet… which I suspect is exactly what it is.

Mrs Appleby’s favourite rusty bucket is about to be the subject of Father Unwin’s practice shot. She seems totally indifferent to it all frankly.

The live-action material of Stanley Unwin swinging the club is clearly filmed on the golf course rather than anyone’s back garden. As expected, Father Unwin hilariously misses the bucket and breaks something. He’s confronted by Matthew who is now fuming because he will have to spend the weekend repairing the greenhouse instead of snorting substances off the top lip of a young European lady in an upstairs room of the village pub.

But when Matthew learns that Father Unwin is acting under the instructions of the Bishop, he softens up a little and accepts the vicar’s apology. After all, to paraphrase Pam from The Office, “When a child gets behind the wheel of a car, and runs the car into a tree, you don’t blame the child. He didn’t know any better. You blame the head of a British Intelligence operation who goes around calling himself the Bishop, who got in the passenger seat and said ‘Drive, kid — I trust you.’”

Back on the 15th green, Brompton and Forrester are exchanging a mix of golf banter and secret information once again. Conveniently for all concerned, their taste in jumpers hasn’t improved in the past few days so the location and puppet units can continue to use the same costumes.

Apparently General Brompton is in charge of shipping components to the tracking station which are essential to transmitting the signal to correct the G9’s orbit. What components that would actually require I don’t know. Surely it’s just a case of moving the dishes around a bit and fiddling with a few settings on the control panel? Okay, I’ve personally never tried to correct a satellite’s orbit before so maybe I’m the imbecile here, but it seems like changing the hardware at the tracking station every time you need to transmit something slightly different is quite inefficient.

The dialogue in the script is a little different from the finished episode as Brompton explains that a petroleum tanker will be used to transport the equipment. Specifically, the script refers to a “Petroleum truck” rather than a “tanker” and it also indicates that the vehicle “will turn off the M4 at Slough” because Shane Rimmer obviously wanted to give a shoutout to that most glorious of towns for all its significance to Century 21. However, Tony Barwick or somebody else decided to cut the reference. Ultimately, it’s nonsense anyway because there is no B28 near the M4 or Slough or even in England because that’s not how the numbering of B-roads works. If you want to drive on the real B28, you’ll have to go to Northern Ireland. Despite the inaccuracy of the geography, all of this information is being recorded again on the golf ball, which quietly gets swept off and replaced again.

The sky is noticeably bluer as Forrester and the General depart for the next hole. The camera picks out a house next to the golf course. Shane Rimmer provides a note in the script for the location unit: “If a suitable house can be found on location it can be of any type but one under construction would be ideal.” Ultimately, it doesn’t look particularly under construction, but I would say it’s unremarkable enough to qualify as a hideout for a couple of spies. Needless to say, determining the actual part of the golf course that this house borders is pretty much impossible today without actually visiting and, well, I’m far too unwashed to be allowed into the Maidenhead Golf Club. The house may not even be there any more. In fact, we only know for sure that the front of the golf course was filmed at Maidenhead Golf Club. This could be a totally different location altogether. Not everything is necessarily straightforward.

Kromer and Blake have the information they need from the latest golf ball recording. Some shots were cut from the script which would have shown Kromer watching the 15th green through binoculars but, to be honest, I think we’ve all got the idea now that the hideout is next to the golf course. Also, specific references to the tanker turning off the M4 at Slough have once again been trimmed out of Blake’s line.

Time for a brief interlude from the special effects department now as we watch Blake blow up the Ajax Petroleum tanker. Of course, they go all out and the fireball looks spectacular. Again, there’s a slight difference between the finished episode and the script in that the explosion was originally supposed to be triggered by the truck crossing a wire stretching over the road. Instead, we see Blake hiding in some bushes and pressing a plunger which somehow detonates the cargo on the truck itself. Whilst this is probably more effective on-screen than the scripted plan, I can’t help but wonder how Blake actually managed to plant an explosive on the truck. Did he somehow intercept it earlier? Or am I just thinking about this too hard? Should I just enjoy the big shooty bang-bang? Yeah, just enjoy the warm orange glow of nonsense explosions…

The next day, it’s finally time for Father Unwin to get involved in the plot. We’re over a third of the way into the episode and so far he’s only managed to break a window. A line of scripted dialogue from Father Unwin was removed from the scene which would have seen him comment on the Bishop ending their call so suddenly: “Hmmm… Abrupt as usual, but he has a lot on his mind no doubt.” I can understand why this was removed. It doesn’t seem to fit the otherwise pleasant relationship that the Bishop and Father Unwin share. The Bishop wouldn’t cut him off during a conversation, and Father Unwin wouldn’t pass judgement on his superior like that. 

Meanwhile, Matthew tries his best at pretending to be a gardener. There isn’t a speck of mud on that trowel though.

The script suggests establishing that we’re in an office block, but the finished episode cuts straight to Brompton entering his office dressed in uniform. He looks a bit of a twit, but it’s better than the golfing jumper.

Some punk has done a number on the office. The script describes: “a shambles consistent with a methodical search. Even the wall paper has been removed.” Ultimately, I think the set dressers just dumped a pile of stuff on the floor and left it at that. But what kind of badass beast would do such a thing?

The Bishop is either holding up an I.D. or a birthday card.

Time for the two old fellas to go head to head. The Bishop is uncharacteristically short with the General. He doesn’t seem to think Brompton has any understanding of what the plot of the episode is about so decides to recap everything again for him (and us). With no listening devices found in the office, it becomes clear that the golf course is the root of the leak. Of course, that just seems so unlikely because if a middle-aged, upper-middle class English gentleman of great importance can’t share his private affairs at the golf club, where the heck is he supposed to boast about his underhand business deals and extramarital affairs? Not that I’m suggesting that the General is up to that sort of thing… or that golfers as a stereotype might be involved in those activities… but I simply can’t trust anyone who thinks those jumpers are acceptable to wear in public.

Gabriel arrives at the golf club ready to really get the action going this week. Some more dialogue from the script was cut out of the finished episode which would have shown Father Unwin and Matthew discussing Gabriel’s performance with Matthew thinking of the car as a purring kitten, while Unwin calls it “a tiger straining at the leash.” Essentially, this would have re-established the vicar’s delusional relationship with Gabriel but not necessarily have built anything upon it. A fair thing to trim since it doesn’t contribute to the plot, or particularly tell us anything about the characters we don’t already know. Also, it’s bloomin’ stupid to call a 1917 car a tiger.

We’re still permitted a comedy moment as Gabriel arrives outside Leyland Golf Club (really Maidenhead Golf Club) and backfires horrendously, distracting a golfer from their shot. We only see their angry, angry legs of fury in the finished episode, but Shane Rimmer went to the trouble of scripting some dialogue for us to enjoy that got cut:

117 MS – PARKHURST

His concentration is completely shattered.

PARKHURST: I say Reggie, that’s most inconsiderate, right in the middle of my shot. Who is that fellow?

118 MS – OTHER PLAYER

PLAYER: No idea, old chap. But I shall certainly mention it to the committee.

Just a short exchange between two upper class twits intended to poke fun at the golfing fraternity. I actually think the shortened sequence in the finished episode is funnier. The fact we only see the frustrated golfer’s legs just makes the joke a bit snappier, and suggests that his rage simply cannot be expressed in words. The silent, almost slapstick performance harkens back to the “Chaplin-esque” humour that Gerry & Sylvia Anderson wrote into their script for the first episode, A Case For The Bishop.

More minor differences between the script and the episode now as Unwin explains he’s leaving little Matthew behind in the car, rather than bringing the case inside with him as the original script suggested. There are a few possibilities for why this change was made. Possibly the location material was shot and the case was simply forgotten, so the mistake had to be covered with a change to the puppet shots filmed later. Alternatively it may have been felt that Unwin carrying the case and his golf clubs into the club house was a bit excessive. This might have also been coupled with the fact that Matthew doesn’t actually contribute anything to the next scene as it’s scripted anyway, so he might as well have been left behind.

Whatever the reason, the real Stanley Unwin does a marvellous job of skillfully exiting Gabriel, navigating the hazardous handful of steps leading up to the club house, and expertly puts one foot in front of the other to complete his noble quest of getting to the door… seriously, one of the foremost comic actors of the age was contracted to do this stuff…

A few familiar faces are enjoying the luxuries of the club house while Brompton sits alone reading his newspaper. With all the social skills of a startled badger, Father Unwin proposes that he and the General partake in a round of golf later that afternoon. Tee-rrific.

Some scenes have been shuffled around in the finished episode when compared to the script at this point. After the exchange in the club house, the script then cuts to Kromer and Blake discussing their plan in the hideout, followed by the commercial break, then the next tracker station scene, and then to Unwin and Brompton on the golf course.

Instead, we head over to the tracker station now for a quick update from Hawthorn and Forrester just to emphasise that the techies have done their part and it’s now up to “Mr. Security” to pull his finger out.

Once again, we’re at the 15th green. Honestly, I can’t see why General Brompton finds any appeal in playing the same hole for the third time in one episode. That said, the wide establishing shot seems to indicate they’re on a different part of the golf course to what we saw earlier. But then we see the flag indicating we’re back at the fifteenth hole. A continuity error methinks.

Some more scenes from the script have been cut, this time demonstrating Unwin’s terrible golfing technique. Shane Rimmer writes: “The ancient club swings at the ball, removes a tremendous divot of turf and only succeeds in moving the ball about three feet.” So exactly the sort of performance you might have expected from golfing amateur Father Unwin.

Meanwhile Matthew has managed to get himself out of the case, out of Gabriel, and walked all the way over to a bush in the region of the 15th green with some binoculars. That must have been exhausting with his tiny legs. It’s an opportunity to slip in some Unwinese as the vicar tries to quietly communicate with his little friend.

General Brompton is understandably baffled and accuses Father Unwin of seeking divine intervention during their game. This joke would have landed a little better if we’d just seen the removed scene featuring Unwin ploughing up the green with his appalling swing to suggest he’s badly in need of divine intervention, but it’s still a nice enough use of the Unwinese gimmick.

Apparently, Father Unwin has a message to pass on to Brompton which says that “7 Ravens will be flying East.” Yes, someone actually does the vaguely sensible thing of communicating in code when handling sensitive information. Why Brompton and Forrester weren’t using code in the first place, I don’t know. In fact, Brompton seems thoroughly annoyed by the code. It’s the sort of thing he probably can’t be bothered with despite the number of times he’s been told to get on top of it. As ever, the ball he’s about to putt is recording everything.

Now it’s time for a commercial break as Kromer watches menacingly from the house. Oof, what a rotter.

Meanwhile in the original script, this golfing sequence was supposed to be followed by another scene back at the club house in which Brompton is forced into signing up for another game with Father Unwin tomorrow. This was probably cut because it tells us something that we’ll be seeing for ourselves anyway, and it also plays the same joke again of the General getting baffled by Unwin’s lack of social skills.

We return from the commercial break with a “nighttime” shot of Garbiel that looks more like a particularly overcast Wednesday morning in January. Matthew summarises the plot for us one more time, indicating that there could be a leak at the golf course but he doesn’t know how. Amazing work guys, glad you’re so on top of this. Interestingly, Matthew refers to Kromer’s outfit as “the opposition.” Anderson productions tended to steer away from being too specific about the origins of certain baddies that were clearly intended to be a bit Russian and Cold-War-esque.

More driving through Burnham Beeches, of course. Despite the sky being visible quite brightly through the trees, I have to say a decent job has actually been done of making this particular day-for-night shot look dark enough.

Over on the special effects stage, a caravan is being stalked by a wild Gabriel. At this stage in the series if we cut to a model shot, it’s pretty obvious that something will be getting blown up at some point, otherwise we’d be filming it out on location.

Matthew is hiding in some long grass once again. That lad seems to find himself buried deep inside bushes quite a lot.

Kromer and Blake turn up driving what appears to be a modified version of Sam Loover’s car from Joe 90, which we previously saw in A Question of Miracles. Apparently Kromer managed to crack the code with hardly any difficulty at all… it’s almost as if it was made a little too easy. So, now it’s time to blow up the caravan supposedly posing as a tracker substation. Two big bangs in one episode. The effects team must have been feeling quite spoiled.

But before all of that, a brief bit of tension as Matthew attempts to sneak around the car and climb in the boot. I’ll admit that my heart rate didn’t exactly go through the roof when Kromer almost caught Matthew, but it’s nice to have a moment of minor concern nonetheless. And so, tucked behind a spare tyre, Matthew settles in for another one of his trademark journeys in the company of some bad guys. At least he’s not dangling off the back of an aircraft this time.

No more caravan. Presumably BISHOP provided that mobile home especially for the job… hopefully it wasn’t just some poor bloke’s holiday getaway. Of course it could be both. The Bishop himself must have had somewhere he used to get away from it all. Somewhere to cast off the colour coordinated ties and carnations, and contemplate the beauty of nature in peace. Now he’ll have to settle for the Maidenhead Holiday Inn… poor chap.

Following the detonation, a brief bit of dialogue is cut from the script which would have had Unwin worry about Gabriel’s paintwork as flaming debris dropped from the sky. Instead, we go straight to Matthew merrily riding to the villains’ hideout, and Father Unwin planning to head home… as usual. Seriously, Unwin should actually be forced to do some of the hard graft one of these days.

Back at the hideout, Matthew enjoys a free ride into the house by hiding in a toolbox. You can tell he’s done this sort of thing before. Kromer and Blake appear to have pinched Father Unwin’s grandfather clock from the Vicarage, while the hidden basement down below is considerably less tarted up.

Tensions are running needlessly high between the two villains who snap at each other like a pair of gators during matin’ season. By the way, someone needs to tell Kromer that pairing a disgusting green tie with a disgusting green jacket is not a good look. Also, now that I think about it, we had a villain called Kroner last week in The Deadly Whisper, and a villain called Kromer this week. I guess it’s slim pickings at the vaguely-soviet spy naming club.

Matthew watches with interest as Kromer plays back the conversation recorded earlier between Forrester and Brompton. The original script specified that he listens to the conversation between Unwin and Brompton on the golf course instead. The dialogue from Forrester is probably more important to hear repeated though.

Meanwhile, Father Unwin is at home in bed and seemingly doing something very suspect under the covers as he wriggles and groans…

Matthew listens in as Kromer speaks to his Commandant. This scene is actually the dialogue between Kromer and Blake that was scripted to come just before the commercial break earlier in the episode. It’s presumably been moved to later in the sequence of events to this point so that Matthew can overhear the discussion and ultimately sound a bit more informed when he reports in to Father Unwin.

This change actually helps to clear up one oddity in the script. Matthew claims that the villains have been in contact with a spy ship. In the finished episode this is obvious because he’s just heard Kromer and Blake discussing it. But in the script, he just seems to say that line without a spy ship or anything of the sort being mentioned while he’s in earshot. So bravo to the director or editor or script editor or whoever figured out that was a necessary change.

Anyway, with the whole scheme now made crystal clear for Father Unwin, and with intervention apparently impossible until the last possible second, it’s time for some fast and clever thinking to save the day…

Continuing on his rather grumpy streak for this week, the Bishop has woken up at 5:45 am to answer a call from Father Unwin. He’s in the office, suited up and armed with a hot cup of tea, so either the Bishop is working the night shift or his home life isn’t up to much.

Unwin wants a special golf ball…

The Bishop is about ready to excommunicate the twerp.

Meanwhile, it’s the big day for the G9 satellite as it slowly descends from orbit. The space shots for this episode are nice and atmospheric when paired with Barry Gray’s electronic soundtrack selections, but it must be said that they’re not a patch on Derek Meddings’ work on the much bigger budget production of Doppelgänger filmed at the studios just a few months prior.

Everyone’s getting ready for the big moment at 11 o’clock. Technical doo-dads aplenty. Apparently Kromer and Blake have their own transmitter at the house. Maybe they run a pirate radio station on the side.

General Brompton is back out on the course for his fourth golf game of the episode. Another man whose home life can’t be up to much.

Now I don’t know much about golf, but I do know that the ball is supposed to go in the general direction of the hole… particularly when you’re on a top secret mission where time is of the essence.

Matthew has the relatively simple task of flicking a switch on the wall so that the secret ball tunnel from the 15th green is left open. Some remarkable shots are achieved looking up at the baddies from Matthew’s diminished stature. Despite being operated from overhead wires, the Kromer puppet appears to stand almost directly underneath a section of ceiling… I say almost because this is simply achieved through some careful camera placement so that the wires can hang down just in front of where the set’s ceiling cuts off without being visible. It is, nevertheless, incredibly effective.

Up on the green, Father Unwin needs to stall the General while Matthew gets over to the control. Cue some Unwinese. More than the gobbledygook itself, I always enjoy the rest of the cast improvising exasperated dialogue around what Stanley Unwin is saying. It’s the only circumstance in which the puppets seem to be permitted to speak over each other.

Alas, Matthew is still stuck in the toolbox so it was all for nought.

The chaps at the tracking station are starting to get a bit tetchy with each other. See if you recognise the general formula that this scene follows. Person 1 asks Person 2 to double check some equipment. Person 2 says they’ve just done it. Person 1 furiously orders them to check it again. It’s the secret sauce on the Big Mac of Anderson dialogue.

Meanwhile, the G9 slowly drifts closer and closer to Earth. We don’t actually get to see the Earth. In fact almost every shot of the satellite in this episode is just showing it travelling from right to left in a general downward direction. Something a bit more dynamic would have been nice but I suppose all of this suffices to get the episode’s plot across.

Some more comedy leg work for the location unit as Father Unwin comes over to delay the General again. That is one sassy stance.

More Unwinese and somewhat improvised exasperation from the General. There was actually more dialogue scripted from Brompton that would have demonstrated the level of his frustration: “Now you listen to me. I’ve spent half the night trying to decode a message that makes no sense at all – I’ve had a committee complaint about the strange company I bring onto the course.. The most important project in my career is about to reach a vital stage and I’m miles away on a golf course with a… a… a…”

I rather like the idea of the character completely boiling over and just ranting and raving in Father Unwin’s direction. I also love that the golf club would go as far as to complain about Brompton bringing Unwin to the course at all. And finally, I would absolutely love to know what word the General had to stop himself from saying at the end of that line. The dialogue probably slowed down the pace as we’re building towards the episode’s climax, but it’s still a shame we couldn’t have had it in there.

Matthew has a clear route to the control lever but Unwin chooses the wrong moment to break his opponent’s concentration and the vicar’s special ball is sent flying into some dense undergrowth. Of course, we don’t know yet what’s so special about the special ball which makes this next sequence much, much more exciting than it has any right to be.

Matthew has moved the lever but the ball is lost in the long grass. The live-action material really comes into its own as Unwin urgently wades through the undergrowth waving his club around. Again, it doesn’t match what the puppet is doing terribly well, but it does add a lot more frantic energy to the scene that would probably be missing if we were totally reliant on the marionette to move about. 

All the while, Brompton is clearly fed up with his opponent, Matthew is keen to remind us there are only 90 seconds left, and Father Unwin is doing his best to keep his nerve and not arouse the General’s suspicions too much as he ferrets around in the grass. For such a seemingly innocent lark about on a golf course, this episode has actually managed to build to an effective climax as the G9 descends and our heroic vicar desperately tries to save the day.

With only seconds to go, Hawthorn prepares to transmit, Kromer prepares to jam, and Matthew has basically thrown in the towel already. Not Father Unwin though. I like this side of the character – frantically defying logical reason and not giving up until the very end. When the odds are totally against him, he just does his duty, no matter how silly or impractical it might seem. Music originally composed for Last Train To Bufflers Halt pops up again at this point to drum up the excitement further.

Ball found! Not necessarily Unwin’s ball of course. Who knows how many have been lost to that grass. But never mind that, let’s for argument’s sake just assume that’s definitely Unwin’s ball and he needs to get it down that hole rather quickly!

The crucial shot is taken. According to the script, Father Unwin’s golf throughout the story has been absolutely dire so there’s not much hope of him pulling this off. In the finished episode, the awfulness of his game hasn’t been fully explored so, arguably, this final moment doesn’t carry quite as much weight as it could have done. Nevertheless, the percussion on the soundtrack says it all. This is it. Feel the rush – for real this time.

Brompton certainly seems to have changed his tune as he praises Father Unwin.

Tension is palpable as Unwin awaits the outcome of his last ditch effort. It really is very, very good stuff. The silliness of the entire situation has faded away and one can’t help but hold one’s breath.

Down it goes… Kromer already doesn’t like the look of his surprise…

Flippin’ heck! What would’ve happened if Unwin hadn’t made the shot?! General Brompton would’ve been kicked out of the club by that committee that’s for sure.

The ball seems to have released a dangerous gas into the basement which means Kromer and Blake aren’t exactly paying attention when the time comes to jam the transmission. Shame. I guess the lesson here is don’t dig a small tunnel underneath a golf course to steal people’s balls. Actually that’s a point, how long did the prep work for all this take? Even tunnelling a small distance from the house to the golf course must have been an extraordinary amount of effort. Then they had to rig up all the equipment for the transmitter, the sliding wall to get into their basement hideout, plus manufacturing all those tiny golf ball-sized tape recorders which would then need to be smuggled into the General’s golf bag before he went out on the course. It’s a needlessly complex operation… but by thunder is it satisfying to watch on-screen… so I can forgive all of that. 

Oh, one more thing… what’s happened to Matthew? Did he get out? Is he safe?

With Kromer and Blake preoccupied, the transmission from the tracking station is able to take place bang on schedule to the relief of all those techy guys who probably haven’t slept or showered for a few days… yuck.

The G9 saunters happily back into orbit. Just in case you needed reminding, that means the Western Early Warning System is safe… I know you were worried about that.

So, with all that done and dusted, the Bishop is back to his usual jolly self. Seriously, he’s been a right grump this week and I won’t stand for it.

Needless to say, Father Unwin is feeling very pleased with himself and he points the Bishop in the general direction of where the baddies can be picked up before preparing to head for home. 

But, and I hate to bring this up again… where did Matthew end up? We haven’t seen him since a few seconds before the golf ball exploded and we don’t see him again in the episode after that. Father Unwin seemingly leaves without him.

In actuality, some more dialogue was cut from the script which would have wrapped the whole thing up rather better. The final scene would have had General Brompton arrive to see Unwin off…

255 WIDER ANGLE

The GENERAL has joined FATHER UNWIN

GENERAL: Well, I’ve never really experienced golf quite like that before..

CUT TO:

256 CS – FATHER UNWIN

The case is clearly in shot

FATHER UNWIN: That’s very kind of you, General…

MATTHEW: (V.O) He’s being sarcastic.

CUT TO:

257 CS – GENERAL

Peering at case.

GENERAL: You’re not a… ventriloquist are you? … I could have sworn …..

CUT TO:

258 CS – FATHER UNWIN

FATHER UNWIN: No, no.. (Unwinese) Keep quiet Matthew… Just a humble servant of the Lord. Goodbye, General.

Moves to start car.

GENERAL: (V.O) Goodbye, Father.

CUT TO:

259 EXT. MODEL T. DAY

Driving away from the club house.

FADE OUT:

A fun little exchange, sadly trimmed to keep the episode’s running time down.

Instead, the episode just sort of ends with Gabriel doing an awkward turn in the car park and naffing off. Ah well, at least the rest of the episode was quite good.

While Shane Rimmer’s original script might have put a slightly more comedic spin on certain events, I really enjoyed watching Hole In One for this review. Last week I said that The Deadly Whisper felt like the series was starting to get up to speed. This week I think we’re actually there now. Everything is working together as harmoniously as it possibly could do. The model work is great, the puppet unit is doing some ambitious things, and the location unit is getting to do something other than film people driving or knocking on doors. The story perfectly blends hints of science fiction, espionage, and quaint comedy to make something which both fits the Anderson/Century 21 brand of sci-fi adventures, and allows all the more twee elements such as Stanley Unwin, the rural Buckinghamshire location, and the miniaturisation aspect to shine as well. 

Once again, the character of Father Unwin manages to stand at the heart of the action, while Matthew watches from the sidelines. Except Matthew does manage to contribute a decent amount to this particular episode by uncovering the villains’ plan and pulling the lever at the end. So it’s actually possible that room has been found for both Matthew’s miniature escapades and Father Unwin’s quirky and unlikely version of heroism. Previously it’s been a case of one or the other, but this time we were just about able to get both. Heck, even the Bishop gets to go out and do something for once when he tears Brompton’s office apart. 

I’ll be honest, the business at the tracker station was probably the part of the episode that washed over me the most and I think that’s purely because it’s so visually similar to what we’ve seen before in the series – literally – it’s shot on the same set as A Question of Miracles. It’s unfortunate that now the creative juices are flowing properly and Tony Barwick seems to be pointing himself and the other writers in the right direction for the series, the one thing still holding back The Secret Service is a limited budget. Sadly, I don’t think it ever manages to throw off that particular set of shackles, but there’s certainly hope now that the scripts are firing on all cylinders.