Space Precinct – 13. Two Against The Rock

Wow! I’m not going to beat about the bush here – Two Against The Rock is a huge step up for Space Precinct. Suddenly it actually looks like what I would expect a £20 million television series made in 1994 to look like. And we finally have an episode that successfully carries dramatic tension without veering wildly in different tonal directions. I think we finally have a Space Precinct episode which perfectly fit its audience.

So, who are the people making me gush all over this particular episode? Peter Duffell is a new director for the series so I have to attribute a lot of the success to him. Duffell was another industry veteran with TV credits going back to the 1960s as far as The Edgar Wallace Mystery Theatre, The Avengers, and Man in a Suitcase. He directed four more episodes of Space Precinct after this one so I’m guessing Gerry Anderson liked him! Now, attributing the script to the right person is a more complicated matter. The series’ story editors Sam Graham and Philip Morrow wrote the teleplay for the finished episode based on a story by Paul Robert Coyle, who receives the sole credit for writing the episode on-screen. It’s not uncommon in TV for drafts to be heavily rewritten by script editors, and there’s one very practical reason why this might have been necessary for Two Against The Rock. The show’s leading man, Ted Shackelford, needed to be almost entirely written out of the show for a couple of weeks so he could travel home to the United States without interrupting the rapid-fire production schedule. Major shifts to the status quo like this can make or break a show. As you can probably tell from my boundless enthusiasm, I think they made it work.

The episode kicks off with a long overdue addition to the opening titles. Jerome Willis is Captain Podly… just in case any of us were in any doubt about that. His status as one of the stars of the show is well-deserved. The extra shot being slotted into the title sequence means that some other clips have been tightened up which is no bad thing either.

The teaser montage certainly doesn’t try to hide Brogan’s absence from the majority of the episode. We briefly see him and his apartment, but Haldane and Castle are clearly the focus. I’m on board for that! The teaser plays the events of the episode out of sequence so the actual plot is still anyone’s guess.

Two Against The Rock is our title…

… and there’s The Rock. Steven Begg and the special effects crew seem to relish escaping the confines of Demeter City this week and go all-out with the motion control camerawork. This establishing shot is absolutely stunning, which is high praise for a rock.

The interior is just as impressive. The camera has been placed on one of the gantries so that we’re seeing the enormous prison like we’re actually there. The result is a model set that feels full-size. The guard that’s been perfectly composited into the shot also helps to sell the effect. My question is, how on earth will the live action set builders possibly match the magnificence of this model?

Well they’re giving it a really good go! The jail cells look industrial and sturdy. Steel and concrete and rock provide a variety of textures so that the whole thing doesn’t feel like it’s made of cardboard as Space Precinct sets so often do. And the lighting, oh boy, the lighting is doing a lot of heavy lifting here. Shadows and carefully placed pools of light make the set appear much larger than it is, as if the cells go on and on forever. Then there’s the straightforward, utilitarian design of the prison jumpsuits and guard uniforms – futuristic without being garish.

We focus on one particular cell where a bulbous Tarn, Cranston, and a twitchy Creon, Smike, exchange looks in silence. Smike injects himself with something. There’s a plan afoot. I continue to be impressed by the set. The rock wall actually looks like rock! The name ‘Maxine’ has been carved into it.

Something has been concealed in a hole in the wall…

It’s a bottle of… well, I’d rather not say what I think it is. But twitchy Smike seems like the type of person who would keep bottles of that sort of thing. Poor fella must be quite dehydrated by the looks of things.

Smike prepares to drop his sample of suspicious yellow liquid into the ventilation system while Cranston is keeping an eye on precise timing. It is a very suspicious yellow liquid.

Suddenly, an alarm blares. The two prisoners panic. It’s only their dinner arriving. We’re maximising tension over here.

A teeny-tiny drop of the deeply, deeply suspicious yellow liquid is dropped in front of the grate. It immediately emits a yellow mist in the ventilation system. I think we can safely assume the yellow liquid isn’t what we all thought it was.

Meet Eric Volker. He’s a rough diamond played exquisitely by Stephen Greif – an actor best known for being the original Travis in Blake’s 7. Greif is a master at making thoroughly unpleasant characters incredibly engaging. The man oozes charisma and balances it beautifully with his character’s inherent disregard for the good of others. In short, Stephen Greif’s casting in this particular role is one of the things that elevates this episode to greatness.

Not a word of dialogue is uttered but the situation is abundantly clear. The warden is reviewing Volker’s file, and Volker is waiting for that yellow vapour to trickle through the ventilation system.

Warden Bronkov’s opinion on Volker is pretty blunt. He doesn’t like him, he’s never liked him, and he’s not recommending Volker to the parole board. We’re playing with typical prison drama tropes here but by thunder does it make the characters easy to identify with. Bronkov’s a crusty, no-nonsense guy, and Volker is an irredeemable scumbag. It needn’t be any more complicated than that.

I’m absolutely glued to Stephen Greif’s performance as we’re introduced to Volker’s twisted sense of humour. He delights in messing with the warden and playing for time while his plan takes hold. Being evil has never looked so easy.

Menace creeps into the scene as the gas slowly starts to affect the warden and the guards. Everyone except Volker falls unconscious and he didn’t even have to get out of his chair. Just like that, with nothing but a gun and a smile, the prison is under Volker’s command. The power certainly suits him.

At the station house, we’re introduced to another love-to-hate-’em guest character for the week. He’s dragged in with restrictive shackles around his arms and legs, gifting the character with a comedy walk straight off the bat. He’s brought to the front desk. It’s rare to see the main station house set from this particular angle.

Orrin and Romek are on desk duty today. The blonde Creon officer who was previously seen unsuccessfully guarding Jansen in Flash and Tamsin in Time To Kill is wearing a name badge here. We can’t actually read said badge, but it’s nice to know that he does have a name at least. He’s brought in a prisoner by the name of Wyndham Derrit, also known as ‘Houdini’, for transfer to Asteroid A5. Romek doubts that the little squirt could truly be the Houdini, the most notorious escape artist on Altor. Houdini immediately picks up the opportunity for a game of smoke and mirrors, and jokes around concerning his identity.

Houdini is played by Danny Webb, another stalwart of the British stage and screen with work prior to Space Precinct including Alien³ (1992) and the TV series Cardiac Arrest and Brookside among many others. Webb is wonderful in the role of Houdini, carefully balancing comedy with menace so we’re never sure exactly whose side he’s on.

Romek spots that Houdini has taken something from Officer Orrin. It’s a little bottle of hair restorer. Yes, the continuity issue which arose all the way back in episode three, Enforcer, is finally being retconned and Orrin’s miraculous hair growth can be attributed to pure vanity. It’s a lovely touch. Frankly, the continuity issue itself was fairly forgivable and wasn’t begging to be addressed, but to come up with a solution that says so much about the character of Orrin is really neat. This moment almost certainly comes as a benefit of having the story editors themselves writing the script because they would have known these characters better than the regular writers. Needless to say, Orrin is rather embarrassed that he’s been found out.

Elsewhere, Officer Haldane is very, very excited about something.

Is he about the break into song?

They’re actually discussing whether the New York Yankees are going to take the World Series. Yup, it turns out these two are really into their baseball. Haldane’s into sport in exactly the kind of really obnoxious and loud way you’d expect him to be, while Brogan is more pragmatic about the whole thing… exactly as you’d expect him to be too.

Fredo can’t help but take an interest in Haldane’s childish screaming, but he’s not so familiar with baseball and sums it up as “that stupid Earth game where you stand around doing nothing for three hours.” This is a delightful joke because it enables the show to have its cake and eat it in regards to appealing to an American and British audience. Having our all-American heroes enthuse about baseball is right and proper for the American audience, but because they’re in an alien environment Fredo is able to do the very British thing of not understanding modern baseball whatsoever and mocking the national sport. Of course, Fredo isn’t British, but as the alien here he represents the British sensibility for turning noses up at anything non-British. Since Space Precinct was essentially an American series being made in the UK, the joke feels right at home. It’s probably exactly the sort of struggle that the American actors and writers working on the series came up against daily while living in England.

Anyway, Brogan and Haldane are planning to be good little American boys and watch the highly anticipated baseball game. They celebrate with a goofy fake high five. Fredo doesn’t know what to do with himself because while Brits enjoy getting snooty, they really don’t know what to do when Americans make a big fuss about something. Again, Fredo isn’t British, but you’ve gotta work with me here.

Meanwhile, Captain Podly is watching the news so that we can all get up to speed on the next part of the plot. Ariset Gagnon, the biggest crime boss in all of Demeter City, has just been convicted. He’s an old-timer in bad health, so the court has ordered he receive a medical check before his incarceration on Asteroid A5, aka The Rock. Of course, it’s odd that Podly gets all his briefings from the TV but hey, it gets the info across to us swiftly and efficiently.

Podly calls up Officer Took. She’s responsible for transporting Gagnon to the station house before he’s transferred to The Rock. There’s a lovely behind the scenes shot of Mary Woodvine filming this scene while wearing trainers rather than police boots. Notice anything else different about Took? After twelve episodes being revoiced by Collette Hiller, the story goes that Ted Shackelford and Rob Youngblood felt that the American accent provided by Mary Woodvine on the set was perfectly adequate. So, for the rest of the series, Mary Woodvine gets to be seen and heard as Took. It’s a shame that the decision was made so late in the game because the switch is noticeable. I had just gotten used to Collette Hiller’s voice for Took, but I agree that Mary Woodvine’s American accent is just as suitable for the character and her revoicing was wildly unnecessary. Poor Richard James is therefore left as the only series regular whose voice is provided by someone else. In Space Precinct Unmasked, Richard freely admits that any switch from Kieron Jecchinis’ Orrin voice to his own would have been too jarring.

Meanwhile, Haldane invites Officer Castle to come and watch the baseball with him. It’s not a serious invitation, but I doubt she’d have been that interested anyway because it’s baseball for goodness sake. Not only is Castle stuck at work during the game, but she’s also fighting a nasty bout of Altorian flu. She practically growls at Jack for being an irritating twerp. Simone Bendix says in Space Precinct Unmasked that she enjoyed wearing minimal make-up for this episode, rather than the usual caking she was subjected to.

Haldane and Brogan have been called to Podly’s office. Haldane’s response of “I’ve got a bad feeling about this,” is all the confirmation we needed that the character was intended to be a Han Solo knock-off.

Sure enough, Podly has assigned Brogan and Haldane to immediately transport Houdini to The Rock before he has a chance to escape… what with him being an escape artist and all. He was supposed to go with Took and Castle alongside Gagnon, but Gagnon’s medical check-up has delayed that. Haldane and Brogan protest, arguing that they’ll miss their super duper important baseball game. Hilariously, Podly shares the exact same sentiments as Sergeant Fredo, repeating that baseball is that “stupid Earth game where you stand around doing nothing for three hours.” I smell a running gag. So, with Podly’s mind made up, it looks like Ted Shackelford is going to have to delay his holiday a little longer.

Haldane takes out his frustration on Houdini before he has a chance to utter the exact same disparaging remarks about baseball as Fredo and Podly.

Castle gets her own back and teases Haldane. It looks like every background actor on the planet has assembled behind her. Are you seriously telling me that Podly had no other officers to spare?

Haldane doesn’t appreciate Castle’s mocking tone, and invites her to feel some remorse for sweet Patrick Brogan and his darling son, Matt. Poor little Matt will be missing out on the opportunity to enjoy the sporting extravaganza with his father. Can you hear that? It’s the world’s tiniest violin.

The Brogans have a chat about ion storms potentially interfering with the broadcast of the game. Patrick is quick to reassure his son that only radio waves are affected by such storms… a throwaway comment I’m sure will hold absolutely no significance later on…

Just before Brogan breaks the bad news to his son, Castle interrupts and volunteers to take his place and escort Houdini to The Rock herself. Ted is itching to get as far away from Pinewood Studios as possible.

“Break out the Cracker Jacks!” And just like that, the star of the show is gone. I can only hope that Ted had a nice vacation. As the busiest actor on Space Precinct, I can’t imagine he’d had many days off between the start of shooting in May, and the shooting of this episode in November. It’s also worth noting that this episode is the first not to feature Nancy Paul as Sally Brogan… but unlike Ted she was probably desperate for more work rather than less.

Waiting in the cruiser, Houdini is positively thrilled by the challenge of making a daring escape from The Rock. Haldane explains that The Rock makes Alcatraz look like a fabulous cave mountain… which is just a bit confusing because Alcatraz is neither a cave nor a mountain. Anyway, the point is that The Rock is really, really, really hard to escape from. Got that? Good.

I adore the nonchalant way that Castle hops in the cruiser and gets on with the job, well aware that Haldane is going to huff and puff because his partner has gone home to watch baseball. She insists on a boring, quiet ride all the way to The Rock. “Make yourselves at home boys.” She could not give two flips because she’s sick and she’s stuck at work. It’s hella relatable. It’s a bit odd that Simone Bendix looks straight at the camera for a split second before take-off, but other than that it’s one of my favourite Castle moments from the series so far. With Ted Shackelford gone, it makes sense for Simone Bendix to be next in line for a starring role in the episode. I’ve been asking for more Haldane and Castle, and it looks like I’m going to ruddy well get it.

The camera slides off the hood of the police cruiser to suggest it’s blasting off before we then cut to a model shot of it leaving the station house. Elegantly done.

Over at The Rock, the entire prison population has succumbed to the urgent need for a nap. The place is absolutely littered with bodies in various states of weariness. The production is not skimping on making this place look absolutely packed, utilising every background artist and alien mask they’ve got to hand. One alien has passed out next to a baseball and mitt, which is either a complete coincidence or an ingenious suggestion that some of the inmates were excited to watch the World Series too.

Smike has emptied all of his bottles of unbelievably suspicious yellow liquid into the vent. He’s keen to abandon the plan and “forget the boss,” but Cranston uses reason and threats of violence to keep him on side. Cranston says that the next vehicle due to arrive at The Rock will be carrying “the boss,” and said vehicle will also be their method of escape. Of course, we already know that isn’t how things are going to pan out because Gagnon has been delayed.

Volker arrives and also quashes Smike’s suggestion of mutiny in that threatening yet charming manner of his. Volker has the door code to free his accomplices. They chat about the effectiveness of the antidote because, oh yeah, they’re immune to the effects of the poisonous gas in case you hadn’t worked that one out yet.

Meanwhile, Castle, Haldane, and Houdini are flying through one of those pesky ion storms that cuts off radio waves. It’s rather pretty, but it’s much more impressive in full blown CGI than it is through the window on the live action set.

To pass the time, Haldane and Houdini have been trading baseball trivia. Despite his earlier comments, it turns out Houdini is quite a fan. How very duplicitous, but it’s a great way of building rapport with the police officers without him getting too chummy. Haldane is impressed by his knowledge and Castle is so very bored.

Castle says it’s time to notify the heavily defended prison of their imminent arrival, but the ion storm is rendering communication impossible.

The shot of the police cruiser emerging from the ion storm and heading towards The Rock is another stunner. The motion control rig allows for much more interesting flying shots than anything achievable in the confines of the Demeter City model set where the craft were typically suspended from wires.

Sentry satellites and turrets are armed with some pretty beefy canons which are moved into position using stop motion animation. Steven Begg used stop motion for a few miniature shots on Terrahawks and the Space Police: Star Laws pilot before going all-out with the technique for the Anderson Burr series Dick Spanner P.I.

After a long delay, Smike answers their call in a hastily thrown-on guard uniform. He permits the police cruiser to land. Haldane is offended by the lack of small talk. Sorry Jack, but not everyone likes you as much as you do.

Volker is less than thrilled to work out that prisoner 197 is not his boss, Gagnon. Houdini’s record lists all of his crimes and previous prison escapes, but incorrectly spells his nickname as ‘HOUDIN’. The central security computer was last seen in the Demeter Dogs back room from Seek and Destroy, although someone’s been smart enough to pop an ‘ASTEROID A5’ sticker on the keyboard this time around.

Volker is rather less cheerful now that two cops are on their way over. Ray Winstone is hanging around in the background as the unimaginatively named character, “Con #1.” Needless to say, Space Precinct was not a career highlight and his appearance here probably had something to do with the fact the actor was declared bankrupt for a second time in 1993. According to the account in Space Precinct Unmasked given by Will Barton (playing Cranston), Winstone was also driving a cab at the time to earn extra cash. Winstone also suggested that Rob Youngblood was “a bit of a wa**er” while said actor was within earshot. We’re really not painting a very good picture of Ray Winstone here, are we?

The police cruiser enters the Death Star… sorry, The Rock. Not sure what made me think of the Death Star here…

Houdini is escorted through a maze of dimly lit corridors, including the familiar tubular passages that have played a variety of roles in the series including, most recently, the Demeter sewers in Illegal. These shots do an excellent job of establishing how vast and empty The Rock is. The same bits of set are probably shifted around and re-used multiple times but the moody lighting makes each space look new. After the long walk, Castle is suspicious when an escort isn’t already waiting to take the prisoner off their hands. She’s anxious to get away because of her flu. I love the creeping feeling that things aren’t right here.

Eventually, Cranston arrives. He plays the part of a guard in order to gain information about Gagnon and lull the officers into a false sense of security. Houdini and Haldane share a fond, sarcastic farewell, which is probably the best you could hope for between a prisoner and their escort.

But the officers don’t get far. Volker, Ray Winstone, Smike, and another bloke, hold them up at gunpoint. The lunatics are running the asylum.

Back at the station house, Romek is still teasing Orrin about his use of hair restorer. Okay, it was good as a throwaway gag earlier in the episode, but let’s not make it a whole bit. Especially when your punchline is as rubbish as, “Hair today and gone tomorrow.”

Took arrives back at the station house. Gagnon is being brought along by the medics so she has time to share a nice scene with Fredo. As a fellow Tarn, Took asks the sergeant whether he ever has a sixth sense when someone he’s close to is in trouble – like when his wife is sick. Fredo can’t relate, and I’m reminded of the quip Haldane made all the way back in The Snake about Fredo’s ex-wife leaving “Pay or Die” ransom notes on the wall. So it could just be that Fredo isn’t a very compassionate lover. Anyway, Took’s point is that she suspects Castle is in some kind of trouble. It’s possible that we had a hint of this psychic link last week in Divided We Stand when Castle fell from the fire escape and Took knew before she even saw it.

Sure enough, Castle is in trouble because she’s about to be locked in a prison cell with Haldane and Houdini. She’s shocked by the sight of bodies littering the floor and questions Volker about what’s been going on. “You’ll find out soon enough,” is his deliciously menacing response.

A quick close-up of Houdini indicates that he’s paying close attention to the code for the door. It’s fairly subtle and I didn’t catch it on first viewing, which made what he does later seem quite miraculous. Still, it’s pretty stupid for a prison keypad to clearly light up which numbers are needed in order to unlock the door. That would be like sticking a detailed picture of my front door key on my front door.

Volker gives his prisoners a smile before he leaves them. “Breathe easy, folks,” he jests. Volker’s firm with them, but not overly aggressive, indicating his icy cool control over the situation.

Castle recognises Warden Bronkov on the floor of the cell looking decidedly worse for wear. The prison medic, Dr. Elliss croaks from the bed that the warden is a lost cause. Bronkov conks out a second later.

Dr. Elliss looks like death warmed up but he does his best to fill us in on the important bits of the plot. Richard Huw gives a gripping performance as the young doctor losing his faculties. He explains that there’s a virus in the ventilation system which is a modified form of Altorian flu. The virus immediately attacks the central nervous system although humans get a bit of extra time because… well, because there’d be no story otherwise. Effects of the virus include headaches and fever, followed by hallucinations, paranoia, an hour-long coma, and then death.

It takes Castle no time at all to figure out that Volker and his gang must have an antidote.

Haldane steps over to encourage the poor doctor, but…

The doc doesn’t like Haldane much either.

While a hallucination grips Elliss in a state of panic, all Castle and Haldane can do is watch the yellow mist ooze from the vent. The tension is absolutely fantastic. No episode of Space Precinct has managed to set up a situation this hopeless and dramatic for our lead characters. There’s nothing convoluted or mysterious about it either. There’s a deadly virus and our heroes need to escape it before they die. Simple.

After the commercial break we get another glorious establishing shot of The Rock. The model itself measured about 6-foot across.

When you’re sick everything can feel cloudy and overwhelming to the senses, so director Peter Duffell tries to capture that experience by pumping in a light fog and turning up the lights to a slightly uncomfortable level. We can actually feel the unpleasant fever that the characters are struggling through. Haldane begins to suffer the effects while Castle’s symptoms remain unchanged since she’s been lumbered with Altorian flu all day anyway. The officers conclude that it would be really terrific if they could escape now.

A cynical person might say that getting locked up with an escape artist is a tad too convenient for the plot. Fortunately, Houdini is a complex character and turns out to be far from convenient. For now though, he’s free of his shackles and eager to help.

Houdini insists on secrecy and has the officers turn around while he frees them, which is a nice touch. I like that in a dire emergency, the great Houdini still demands a touch of mysticism. Using some previously undisclosed psychic powers, he simply punches in the code for the door that he saw earlier. Again, that may seem quite convenient, but trust me, it isn’t.

With the door open, the rest of the plan is relatively straight forward – go to the cruiser. There are some more carvings visible on the rock wall – this time a message which reads “NIC LOVES SASCHA.” Well, I’m no cop but I did do a little investigating and there are two suspects for who might have committed such an act of vandalism on the set of Space Precinct. One suspect would be Matt Brogan actor, Nic Klein – a lovely thought except I doubt Nic was anywhere near this set, or indeed anywhere near Pinewood, during the production of this episode seeing as he’s barely in it. The second and much more likely suspect is set painter Nicholas Bowen. Whoever they are, I hope Nic and Sascha were very happy together.

Haldane and Castle are perfectly willing to take Houdini with them, but he’s vanished and chosen his own path.

One more discernible bit of prison graffiti for the Captain Scarlet fans among you – ‘S.I.G.’ in the top left corner. I adore that even after 6 months of shooting on the series, there were still crew members excited by the novelty of working on a Gerry Anderson production.

Meanwhile, Cranston the Tarn is showing off by playing a futuristic version of chess with his telekinetic powers…

Ray Winstone isn’t quite so gifted and uses his hand.

“I’ll give you 50 quid if you call Rob Youngblood a wa**er to his face.”

Smike is still feeling uncertain about the plan and wants to escape ASAP in the police cruiser without waiting for Gagnon.

Volker gives Smike a smack across the chin for his insubordination. This is the first time Volker has lost his cool and I might argue that it’s a bit much for him to be striking his associates this early. The situation is bound to get more desperate than this and Volker needs to keep his gang on side. Then again, this is the second time that Volker has had to address Smike’s disloyalty, so I can appreciate the character’s desire to nip it in the bud before it continues.

Before Cranston can dispose of Smike for good, Houdini comes wandering into the warden’s office and collapses in Volker’s arms. That should really get them panicking.

The benefit of finished model shots being composed of multiple layers is that standard stock shots can be modified if necessary. This familiar establishing shot of the station house and two police cruisers zipping by has been updated today to include an ambulance hurtling past camera.

Ariset Gagnon is wheeled into the main office where Captain Podly stands on the balcony, high up above and asserting dominance.

In between puffs on his oxygen mask, the aged mob boss exchanges a few words with Podly. The look for Gagnon is pure Don Corleone from The Godfather, complete with moustache, jowls, and a rose on the lapel. The sheer size of the character’s mouthpiece makes it one of the less convincing Creon masks for the series. The huge lips can barely move and the join between the top half of the mask and the bottom isn’t very well concealed, even with the moustache. Alas, Podly doesn’t take Gagnon’s threats of getting his friends off The Rock very seriously. “I hear the air’s good out there,” the old boy quips. Get it? Because of the virus? Yeah, I figured you’d get it.

Gagnon is wheeled into a holding cell before he can give away too much more of the plot.

Houdini and Volker are negotiating. Houdini wants the antidote in exchange for the cops’ location. With Houdini on the brink of death anyway, Volker doesn’t have many options for scaring the little twerp. Nevertheless, Stephen Greif does a magnificent job of being cruel, and Danny Webb repels excellently with his cheeky wit. It’s a treat to see two great actors go up against each other, even if I’m slightly distracted by the Houdini make-up struggling to stick to Danny Webb’s face.

So, Houdini gets the antidote. There’s no time to muck about!

Elsewhere, our heroes are escaping at a gentle pace. Haldane is struggling to keep up as the sickness begins to set in.

The antidote takes effect on Houdini so fast it makes his eyes spin. How fun.

Volker is impatient, and apparently really stupid. He needs Houdini to point out the obvious and explain that the cops are going to escape using the police cruiser. Surely that would be the first thing you would check?

The warden’s office is equipped with a big ol’ map of The Rock and Volker quickly turns on a big red light that tells him exactly where Castle and Haldane are heading. At least I assume that’s what it tells him. If he had a big red light pointing the way, I’m not really sure why he would need to ask Houdini about their location in the first place. Maybe the light just indicates where the cruiser is? Anyway, it’s a nice map so let’s just appreciate that.

Houdini vanishes again, his chair still spinning.

The dumb shrug might be a bit much, but hey, this is a pretty dark episode overall so a little bit of humour to take the edge off is probably justified.

Down in the tunnel, Haldane can’t keep up with Castle’s brisk walk and needs to sit down for a rest.

Hallucinations start to take hold which means the editors have to dig into the archive and pull out some freaky stuff from previous episodes. We start with the monster version of Aleesha from Double Duty. I’d forgotten about the creepy long fingers.

The next shot is an unused take of Dr. Jansen’s head getting ready to explode from the episode Flash. There’s black blood dribbling from his lips and huge black growths swelling up and ready to burst that weren’t visible in the finished episode – confirmation if it was needed that the version of his death that we saw back in the episode proper was considerably less gruesome than originally planned.

There’s more to come, Jack. Keep up.

Next we have a quick glimpse at the decaying corpse of Alden Humes from Body & Soul. Bit of an odd choice since Haldane wasn’t even there to see that one.

And finally we have the nasty dog puppet from Seek and Destroy soaked in the blood of its victim. Lovely, but that’s another one Haldane never actually saw for himself.

I’m sure Jack, and the BBC censorship department, have had quite enough of all that.

Eventually, the gruesome images pass and Haldane sees that Castle is just Castle and not a blood-sucking, head-exploding, corpse-monster-thing.

Haldane bravely offers to stay behind so that Castle can escape quickly. Castle out-braves him by picking the poor lad up and helping him down the rest of the corridor.

The police cruiser is right there, so it would have been ruddy silly for Haldane to stay behind. Unfortunately, Volker remotely locks the door and seals off the docking bay before they can reach it. What a nasty thing to do.

But now, for some reason, Houdini is back and ready to switch sides all over again!

Houdini escorts the officers down a sewer pipe that will lead them to the docking bay. It’s exactly the same size and shape as the sewer entry point used in Illegal, so it’s probably the same bit of set, just re-dressed. While Volker barks out for Cranston in a less than happy tone, Castle, Haldane, and Houdini are down the ladder fast enough to evade capture.

At the docking bay, Ray Winstone – using a voice that very definitely doesn’t belong to Ray Winstone – refuses to tell Volker that they’ve lost the cops.

Stephen Greif spins around in his chair menacingly before yelling at them because gosh darn it he’s milking every opportunity to be the villain here and I can’t blame him.

We pause for a quick plot catch-up. Houdini shares the opinion that Castle’s pre-existing flu has somehow protected her from the deadly variant of the virus. He also reveals that he got the antidote from Volker in exchange for the information that almost got Castle and Haldane caught just now. He’s refreshingly honest about the whole thing and simply explains that “a guy’s gotta live.” You can’t help but admire the guy for being so devious on both sides.

There’s some rough and ready camera work as Castle tries to drag Haldane along the dark and cramped sewer pipe. He’s deteriorating rapidly and it really feels like he might not make it. Castle is having to use all her physical and emotional strength to pull him through.

Further down the pipe, Haldane collapses again. The docking bay is within spitting distance. Houdini suggests that Castle transmit her flu to Haldane in the hope that it’ll protect him too. But how?

“Think about it,” the dirty trickster suggests.

“Janey, I’m so scared.” Genuinely heartbreaking stuff.

It’s Castle and Haldane’s second kiss of the series and it means a lot more than the first. Yes, it’s still prompted by necessity rather than all-out romantic intentions, but with the stakes being what they are, the love feels real whether it’s a life-saving kiss or a final goodbye.

And after the kiss there’s a moment of genuine tenderness between the two. Unlike the kiss in Illegal, I don’t think either of them will regret this one.

We then get a very, very, very brief cutaway to the station house where Gagnon asks a passing officer how long he has left to wait. The officer doesn’t stop to chat… because he’s a background artist and it would be a breach of his contract.

Houdini emerges into the docking bay where Cranston and Ray Winstone are having a chat. It’s one of the less impressive sets for the episode because it lacks detail and doesn’t feel as vast as the rest of The Rock. The full-size police cruiser seems to take up quite a lot of room. That said, the lighting is still very effective.

Suddenly, Houdini whips out from behind the pillar and uses his mysterious powers to smash one of the lights. Cranston and Ray Winstone get mighty scared. The show’s not over yet, boys.

This scene could have looked so, so, so silly. Essentially, Houdini uses his psychic power and kickboxing prowess to defeat the bad guys from the other side of the room. He stands on one side of the docking bay jumping up and down and throwing kicks and punches every which way. Meanwhile, Cranston and Ray Winstone chuck themselves around the set pretending to get hit. On paper, it sounds ridiculous. But Peter Duffell and stunt co-ordinator Glenn Marks pull it off pretty much perfectly. It’s an amazing scene. The key? Slow-motion. And real slow-motion at that, not janky digital slow-mo rendered afterwards in post-production. The camera is running at high speed so that the action plays out smoothly and gives the scene a graceful and precise quality. Rather than shying away from the movements, they’re totally isolated and given much greater emphasis, thus demonstrating Houdini’s other-worldly strength. It’s a stroke of genius. It’s so rare for anything in Space Precinct to feel like it was directed so intentionally, because in the past the directors have had to compromise constantly in order to save money. There’s no compromise here. The high speed photography is done for real, and so is the action. It’s pure spectacle, and that’s one of the things we watch Gerry Anderson shows for.

With Cranston and Ray Winstone well and truly knocked out, Houdini heads back down into the pipe to help Castle move Haldane. Yup, they missed the whole display!

Alas, that cheeky scoundrel Volker steps in and catches Haldane and Castle as soon as they emerge. He’s pointing a gun at them and Castle invites him to shoot. Apparently he doesn’t want to miss watching them die from his mutated virus… because he’s just that evil and also we’ve still got another third of the episode to go.

But what about Houdini?

With textbook subtlety, our lovable rogue backs the police cruiser out of the docking bay while Volker yells furiously. Of course, that means Haldane and Castle have no escape option, but I love that Houdini is staying true to that core principle of only looking after himself. He can be a good guy when it suits him, or he can be a bad guy. It’s really keeping us on our toes!

Houdini flies the cruiser straight through the ion storm and out the other side while merrily singing to himself.

Back at the station house, Podly and Took are concerned by the disappearance of Castle and Haldane. They’ve been unable to make contact because of the ion storm. For me, this moment is reminiscent of something like Stingray, where Commander Shore and Atlanta would often be stuck back at base wondering what’s happened to Troy, Phones, and Marina. Romek – the Lieutenant Fisher in this analogy, I guess – arrives with news that the cruiser has finally been spotted, but it’s heading towards the city and not responding to calls. Podly orders what’s left of his team to scramble! We are about to launch Stingray!

Houdini flies his cruiser into the city. I really haven’t missed Demeter all that much. It’s been really nice to get away from all the same skyscrapers and those grungy alleyways. I know The Rock isn’t exactly a more pleasant locale, but at least it offers some variety.

Romek spots the cruiser and gives chase… because we genuinely can’t have an episode without a chase sequence. It really feels like a contractual obligation at this point.

Houdini doesn’t run but actually wants the cops to follow him. Yeah, I’m really not sure where he’s going with this.

Like a nervous tick, Orrin just can’t leave his precious head of hair alone.

The chase is over before it really begins. And it wouldn’t be a Space Precinct chase sequence without a crash landing. So, Houdini decides to throw the cruiser through a warehouse rather than land it like a sensible person.

The cruiser skids along the wharf, because every single ruddy chase sequence has to end with a vehicle skidding in a straight line for a ludicrously long time. The trademark shots of Houdini getting bounced around in the cockpit are there too! For an episode that has stunned me with its fresh approach and originality, I’m a bit nonplussed by the formulaic nature of this bit.

With only one full-size police cruiser at their disposal, a duplicate roof has been hastily mocked up to go in front of the camera in this shot. But look, we’re outside! For real! I’m guessing that’s the backlot at Pinewood, which the model unit would have then re-created in miniature at Shepperton. Even though it’s a brief shot, Richard James and Lou Hirsch look wet and freezing.

The door opens by itself… somehow. The cruiser is empty… somehow. Houdini is gone again… somehow.

But he’s left a message explaining the trouble that Castle and Haldane are in. The crash landing might have been an escape plan, but it was also a means of attracting the police’s attention and ultimately helping them out. Houdini’s a real class act.

So, now that the team are up to speed on the whole Gagnon plot, Podly, Took, and Fredo try to come up with a plan of action. Fredo suggests deploying a SWAT team, while Took urges a more covert approach. Either way, it’s great to see all these secondary characters playing a bigger role this week.

“If it’s Gagnon they want, it’s Gagnon they’ll get.” Uh-oh. What’s Podly cooking up? Smells like something bloomin’ brilliant to me.

Back at The Rock, Volker is getting touchy-feely. He’s got Castle and Haldane trapped in the office and very much believes they’re at his mercy. Volker tries it on with Castle. Big mistake buddy.

Castle seems to go along with it. Will she really smooch this big, ugly lout in exchange for the antidote and a chance to save Jack?

Ray Winstone’s keen.

Nah, mate. Unless he’s into this kind of thing, I don’t think a kick to the crotch was the sort of intimate moment Volker was hoping for.

Castle’s anger and defiance towards Volker only intensifies. I firmly believe that there’s nobody she loathes more in the entire universe at this point.

While Volker’s ego, and his knackers, recover from the attack, Cranston reports that another cruiser is heading for The Rock. Hopefully Volker can stand up straight by the time his boss arrives.

Space is looking particularly pretty today, isn’t it? Took and Fredo request permission to land while an oxygen mask wielding passenger sits quietly in the back of the cruiser…

But it’s not Gagnon! Yes, Podly fancies himself as a master of disguise and is planning to infiltrate The Rock with an oxygen mask covering his face. It’s a shame the dressing-up-box at the 88th wasn’t equipped with a fake moustache, a wig, or even a nice suit. What we have here is very much a poor man’s Gagnon cosplay.

Volker shows his true colours. He feels that their little organisation needs a change of leadership, with the implication being that Volker was actually planning to kill Gagnon when he arrives. Cranston, apparently a fellow with a conscience all of a sudden, doesn’t like the new plan.

So, Cranston’s out of the picture. That’s another colleague dead. Smike has presumably been executed off-screen – unless Volker’s slap to the chin was more powerful than we thought. But the point is that Volker’s really running out of forces here.

Haldane and Castle are tied up and can only watch Volker’s collapse in leadership unfold. Now it’s just Volker, Ray Winstone, and the other bloke against the world. They look straight at the camera which is just a bit too funny. They clearly think they’ve already won. Executing one elderly man should be a picnic, but considering how many things haven’t gone to plan in this endeavour, I might have expected them to be less cocky.

STAR WARS! DEATH STAR! OKAY! THEY’RE RIPPING OFF THE DEATH STAR FROM STAR WARS!

Considering this is a life or death situation, I really am surprised that Podly didn’t make more of an effort with the disguise. At least he should try and keep his shiny gold police badge out of sight.

Now that Smike and Cranston are dead, Ray Winstone is next in line to lead prisoner escort duties. They capture Fredo and Took without too much fuss. Ray Winstone has apparently never met Gagnon before, which is incredibly fortunate given the lameness of Podly’s disguise.

Volker spends a moment quietly polishing his gun and surveying the state of his audience. Castle and Haldane look like they’re in the sixth hour of a lecture on the history of rice pudding.

Ray Winstone wheels “Gagnon” into the office feeling very pleased with himself. Podly craftily makes his true identity known to Officer Haldane who seems a bit perkier now.

Castle’s got the jist of things too. Now all we have to do is sit back and wait for them to kick some butt.

Very, very, very conveniently Volker reveals that he’s been working for Gagnon for 15 years but never met him. So the disguise really wasn’t necessary at all. Any idiot could have landed on The Rock and claimed to be the notorious mob boss and gotten away with it.

Before Volker has a chance to grab his gun, Podly is already armed and blasting away. Time for a fight!

Castle takes cover behind the furniture because she’s tied up and can’t do much else. Podly knocks his wheelchair into Ray Winstone and winds him. Haldane, who wasn’t quite as tied up as Castle, manages to dive for Ray Winstone and smash him into some filing cabinets.

Castle alerts Podly to the arrival of the other bloke. The other bloke is dealt with swiftly. Yeah, the other bloke never really had much of a chance.

“Who’s the wa**er now, Ray Winstone?!”

Volker reaches for his gun but Haldane is quick to jump on top of him and starts beating the slimy worm into next Tuesday. He’s really, really, really mad, but Rob Youngblood’s slaps clearly don’t make contact with Stephen Greif’s face, so the effect doesn’t quite pay off.

Podly decides that we don’t deal with our problems by bludgeoning someone to death, so calls Haldane off with a touch of that stern authority we so admire the Captain for.

Retrieving a multi-com from the desk, Haldane is able to free Castle from her handcuffs. Space Precinct handcuffs don’t use keys because that wouldn’t be futuristic enough, which is a nice touch I think. Anyway, Jack and Jane share a hug because not dying together is quite a relief. Haldane reveals that he has indeed contracted Castle’s flu which is why he’s been so sprightly for the last few minutes.

Podly orders Romek to send in back-up and medics to get The Rock back up and running again. Now it can go back to being a delightful, common-or-garden prison where the inmates can skip and hold hands. I expect there’ll be none of that for Volker.

Everyone heads back to the station house. Volker is placed in a holding cell and immediately starts chatting with the other criminals like they’re old friends. That probably wasn’t scripted, Stephen Greif just couldn’t help himself.

Haldane and Volker exchange goofy smiles because they’ve had such a terrific fun time working together today.

Well, look who decided to show their face! Boy, Brogan got really lucky by skipping that visit to The Rock. So, Brogan reveals that he and Matt didn’t watch the baseball after all because they just couldn’t bear to enjoy it without their cheery friend Officer Haldane. They’ve recorded it and plan to have a big lads’ night in watching the game just as soon as Haldane can get away from work. Even when he’s barely in the episode, Brogan still comes out as the big hero of the hour.

Time for some quick Slomo shtick. Slomo expresses happiness that Haldane survived, but freely admits that it’s an empty platitude because he’s just a robot with no emotion. Then he rattles off the whole baseball is that stupid Earth game bit. And then Slomo seals the deal by trying to reveal the final baseball score. Haldane doesn’t want to hear it and shoos the little robot away. Basically we’re running through as many comedy bits as we can to lighten the mood after quite a grim adventure.

Haldane and Castle share a lovely final moment together. He tries to ask about the true meaning of their kiss, but Castle would rather let him wonder. Haldane is perfectly okay with that response. It’s delightful because it lets the romance hang in the air without the pair having to bat it away with jokes that upset one or the other of them. After such an ordeal, it’s a great reward for the audience to see Jane and Jack happy and I’m so glad this didn’t end with them shrugging everything off. The relationship is slowly but surely developing.

Of course, they have to have one last joke where Castle tries to tell Haldane the baseball score. But that’s just cute.

Like a hyperactive five-year-old, Haldane comes bounding into the Brogans’ living room with snacks, seemingly cured of the flu he borrowed from Castle. Let’s do the baseball.

The sportscaster is played by John Chancer – an actor with roles on his resume as varied as Snufkin from Moomins and Police Commander from Casino Royale. The shadows across the screen are supposed to represent the windows of the commentary booth, but a behind the scenes photo reveals that this effect was actually achieved by holding a ladder above John Chancer’s head. No expense spared.

The lads are thrilled by the baseball. Nothing makes them happier than the baseball. What could possibly ruin the baseball?

Ugh.

Liz reveals the score… because the writers have given up on letting her character have any redeeming qualities.

The little demon child is sent to bed. I hear that The Rock has a couple of empty rooms.

Matt’s solution is simple – they should just pretend like the last few seconds didn’t happen. The men have earned the right to eat snacks and yell at their TV so by thunder they’re going to do it anyway. So, even though they know that their team loses, they lock in and hope for the best.

Some stock footage of Shea Stadium in New York plays out. We’re supposed to believe that this is live TV even though it looks like it was shot in the 1970s. Fun fact – it was shot in the 1970s. I found the exact stock clip on YouTube. You’re welcome.

Haldane is feeling equally observant today and asks Brogan to rewind…

Haldane spots a familiar face in the crowd. It’s Houdini. And that’s all the loose ends tied up nicely.

Look at all the brand new baseball caps that have been freshly delivered to the set and thrown on the extras. Of course, we’ll never know exactly how Houdini made it all the way to Earth in time for the game… since it was supposed to be being played while Castle and Haldane were taking him on a two-hour ride to The Rock – that was the whole reason Brogan stayed home in the first place. Eh, we can’t think about the timing too hard or the whole episode falls apart. And I really don’t want that to happen. Plus, y’know, Houdini basically has magic powers anyway.

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Two Against The Rock is easily my favourite episode of the series so far. Some of that is a touch of relief that the cast and crew were able to pull off an episode without Ted Shackelford. After all, some of the most forgettable episodes of long-running TV shows are the ones where the stars have had to step out for the week. I’m so glad that the writers took the opportunity and ran with it by telling a full-blown story with slightly different characters in the spotlight. The shift in dynamic has some fascinating consequences. Castle and Haldane as our main pairing for the episode obviously has great dramatic potential. Their chemistry is tested and absolutely thrives. But little things like Took feeling adrift without Jane by her side, Fredo having to step away from his desk and join the action, and Orrin and Romek chasing down Houdini, are all nice additional touches that probably wouldn’t have happened if Brogan were an active participant.

I’ve noted the improvements in the design and lighting in Two Against The Rock, but one thing I haven’t really addressed is the drastic refinement of the show’s tone for this episode. For the first time ever in the series, I don’t think there was a single point while I was watching this where I had to ask myself, “Who is Space Precinct being made for?” I don’t think there are any duff moments in Two Against The Rock where the episode tries embarrassingly hard to be mature and edgy. The core premise is inherently dramatic and rich with tension that is universally enjoyable for kids and adults. The characters do and say things that feel true to their motives. The moments of action and pathos are perfectly balanced. Have the writers finally found the secret formula to make Space Precinct suitable for all audiences?