Space Precinct – 16. The Witness

Call me a sensitive soul, but I’m just not sure what the appeal is of a television programme depicting a police officer forcing his hand over the mouth of an alien child in readiness to stab her while she sleeps. Now, you’ve heard me complain about Space Precinct’s chaotic approach to tone and audience suitability in the past, but at the very least I’ve understood roughly the reasoning behind that approach. It came out of a desire to make a show that appealed to children and to adults in the same breath. However misguided and whiplash-inducing the results, I always understood why the producers wanted moments where Tarn hookers were propositioning police officers before launching into a cool laser gun battle against a creepy alien vampire guy (see Predator and Prey). In theory, the adults watched for the sleazy drama and the kids liked the action. It’s a clumsy approach, but I understood it. With today’s episode, The Witness, I watched with my head in my hands, totally bewildered by just how dark the show chooses to go in places – so grim that even well-adjusted grown-ups like myself would wince. The question in my mind changed from the usual “Who is Space Precinct made for?” and became “Is Space Precinct made for anyone?”

Imaginatively, The Witness is based on… Witness – a 1985 movie starring Harrison Ford as a detective protecting a young Amish boy who has witnessed a murder. This episode’s writer, Eric Gethers, came to Space Precinct with only a handful of tiny TV credits to his name – an episode of Sweet Valley High, a TV movie called An Innocent Love, and one segment of The Love Boat. Not exactly the best starting point for a big-budget sci-fi show with lofty ambitions. In the directing chair, Peter Duffell is back. After his triumph with Two Against The Rock, I was expecting great results from The Witness. I think the kindest thing I can say is that he did his best with what he was given…

If the ‘This Episode’ teaser tells us anything, it’s that we’re going to see quite a lot of people running around and bumping into each other.

The show opens with a police cruiser hurtling towards the city. Nothing unusual about that, right? We often kick things off with Brogan and Haldane on patrol, chatting about nothing in particular before the action starts. Well, not today, buddy! This time, the cruiser is piloted by Officer Romek and… some guy. Hmmm.

For no particular reason, Romek’s usual partner, Orrin, has been confined to desk duty so that the new guy can take his spot. Orrin actor, Richard James, speculates in Space Precinct Unmasked that the producers may have offered Lou Hirsch more screen-time as Romek to appease his unhappiness in the role and difficult behaviour on set. In actuality, the real reason Lou was being argumentative in the first place was because he was actively trying to get fired from the production since he hated wearing the mask and wasn’t allowed out of his contract. Getting more screen-time was the least of his priorities. So, nobody got what they wanted there.

I guess by seating the new guy alongside Romek – a trusted member of the regular team – we should infer that the new guy is trustworthy too. But it’s Space Precinct so we know that probably isn’t the case because they almost always turn out to be the baddie. The new guy in question is Officer Morgan, played by American actor, Todd Boyce. His television career started with a long run of appearances on the Australian soap opera, The Restless Years starting in 1980. After Space Precinct, he returned to the world of soaps as Stephen Reid in Coronation Street… a character who also turned out to be a complete psychopath.

On Orrin’s orders, Romek and Morgan find themselves dispatched to The Gilmore bar to investigate a purse snatching. The street is absolutely packed because Capek Soup is sponsoring a soup kitchen that the locals can’t get enough of. Morgan comments on the fact that the area looks just like the slums on Earth that politicians prefer to neglect. And it’s true – aside from a few alien masks in the crowd, the dark alleyways of Demeter don’t look even remotely like they’re part of another world. At least it’s a convincing street scene, even if it’s not particularly alien-looking.

Romek (and by extension probably Lou Hirsch) is in a particularly foul mood today. The patrons don’t seem to be paying him much attention so he starts to manhandle them in the search for the missing purse. The set design for the bar itself is pretty uninspired which I suppose is appropriate. The costumes for the background artists are much more restrained than those we saw on the clubbers from last week, in Predator and Prey. If anything, they’ve gone too far in the other direction and made the patrons appear so boring I might as well be looking at a working men’s club in Wolverhampton.

While Romek groans and grumbles and Morgan does some light frisking, a Tarn is hidden around the corner and helps himself to some cash from what we assume is the stolen purse. Cash in hand, he exits through the sort of curtain you’d find in your granddad’s caravan.

Romek sends Morgan to investigate the back room while the thief does… something at the soup kitchen that I can’t quite make out. There are too many extras walking around in the front of the camera to get a clear look at what’s going on. At a guess, he’s handed over the cash in exchange for some food. I know it’s supposed to be ambiguous and hard to make out, but the scene really is a bit too crowded.

Meanwhile, in another part of the city, welcome to a very awkward dinner party. The Brogans, along with Haldane, Castle and Took, have all been invited over to the home of Sergeant Thorald Fredo for tea and nibbles. It’s like seeing your school teachers outside of school. Watching the cops out of uniform and lounging around in an extremely bland apartment is just odd. It’s funny because earlier Anderson series like Stingray and Thunderbirds really thrived when showing their heroes off-duty and shooting the breeze like real people. Those scenes would feel believable because it actually seemed plausible that the characters would enjoy hanging out together in their spare time. That chemistry just isn’t apparent here in Space Precinct. Fredo playing the host is the weak link, for sure – I just don’t buy that he would ever invite the others around to his place because he barely even talks to them at the office. Then there’s Sally, sitting at an awkward distance from her husband for some reason, even though he’s the only person in that room that she actually spends time with on a regular basis. But I’ll tell you what – Nancy Paul must have been delighted to escape the confines of the Brogan apartment set for the day. Stay tuned for more of that.

The off-duty fashion choices themselves also leave a bit to be desired. Something about Took in that cardigan just doesn’t fit. Alien characters in Earth clothing in general is a wasted opportunity. Why go to the effort of putting your actors in some of the most advanced animatronic masks ever developed, if you then dress them with overstock from a charity shop? Anyway, apparently Haldane wants Fredo to come and cook for him or something like that… the small talk is so small I can’t even follow it.

Reflecting the mood of the audience at home, Fredo’s daughter is falling asleep. Her name is Estes, and it’s past her bedtime. The cute bows in her hair might be a bit much, but otherwise I think the character design for Estes is very well done. Translating the key features of the Tarn design into a more youthful face must have been tricky, but it definitely works. But did the Space Precinct producers really condemn a child actor to spend their days sweating in a rubber mask? Surprisingly not! After all, filming with children is time-consuming and not exactly cost-effective. Nope, playing the little girl is a 38-year-old man by the name of Kiran Shah. Standing at 4’2″, Shah is an actor, stand-in, and stunt performer who regularly doubles for children, small alien characters, and a number of hobbits in The Lord of the Rings and The Hobbit series. Needless to say, the Space Precinct producers put him to work in a number of other episodes after this one because Kiran Shah is very good at what he does. Until I looked up the cast list, I was convinced Estes was being played by a child actor in the mask. Of course, the voice is someone else – a rare case of Space Precinct re-voicing actually feeling justified.

Yolanda Fredo (misspelled ‘Yolander’ on the end credits) is played by Alexa Rosewood. Outside of being a wife to Thorald and mother to Estes, there’s really not a lot to the character. She seems nice enough though. I bet the dinner party was her idea rather than her husband’s.

Because Jane is a young, unmarried woman the writer has immediately shoehorned her into the stereotypical role of Estes’ temporary nanny, volunteering to play mummy and tuck her into bed. Look at Nancy Paul – she really doesn’t want to be there.

I love the shrine in the background to some sort of Tarn deity. Maybe there should be more alien things like that in the house and fewer naff cardigans.

Estes says that Jane can’t be her mother because she’s a human, not a Tarn. Jane suggests legally changing her species, but Estes is a thoroughly conservative traditionalist about the whole thing and insists that Jane needs to stay human and make her own human babies. Blimey kid, why not ask her to get back in the kitchen while you’re at it? Rather than challenging the little brat’s old-fashioned ideas, Jane and Jack smile and giggle at one another like they might just make their own standard-issue beautiful family together one day.

Sally wants to be a cool auntie because she’s sick of her own children.

The menfolk have no interest in such matters and Haldane insists on sporting entertainment to fill the awkward silence while Estes is taken to bed. Fredo turns on a screen which obviously isn’t really there, and Brogan half-heartedly remarks that a team called “the Stingrays” are playing in this particular Slamball match. The script originally included dialogue specifying the rival team as “the Fireballs.”

Here’s a bizarre prop that I spent far too much time researching. Jane is apparently reading Estes a story about how all Tarns gained the “beautiful bone” on the top of their head. But the book used as a prop here is actually One Smiling Grandma – a Caribbean poetry book teaching children to count. “Ten sleepy mongoose” is the second to last line of that poem and very visible on the page along with said mongoose and a distinctly human little girl. But while that penultimate page remains unchanged, the illustration on the final page of a Caribbean girl and her grandmother has been roughly painted over to make them look like Tarns. I guess it’s nice that the props department tried, but they obviously didn’t try all that hard.

The front cover of the book has been adapted a bit more thoroughly with an all-new illustration. Estes’ bedroom could belong to any child of the 1990s, be they Tarn or human, with nothing to suggest we’re living on an alien world in the future.

With the little girl fast asleep, Jane has fulfilled her duty as the stand-in mother. She heads back to the party, no doubt aiming to snatch the bottle of Chardonnay from Sally before she guzzles the lot.

Then, Estes’ third eye opens and she witnesses the thief from the Gilmore getting slashed up by a light-lance. Her screams really cut through as she clutches her eyes in terror, unable to shake the vision. Is it a nightmare or something more? Well, obviously it’s something more or we wouldn’t be sitting here. I do like the conceit that a young Tarn lacking full control of her psychic abilities would have unpleasant visions like this. Unfortunately, because it’s the focal point of the whole plot, the ordeal needs to be very drawn out and gratuitous. Is it really the job of a show like Space Precinct to explore the trauma of a child in graphic detail? At 6:00 pm on BBC2, with Gerry Anderson’s name above the title, I would argue they’d have more luck sticking to the traditional catching bad guys and chasing spaceships thing.

Thorald and Yolanda rush to their daughter’s bed and comfort her, assuming that it was just one of a number of nightmares she’s been having recently. “There’s nothing to be afraid of.” Wanna bet?

Yup, it’s a bloodied up dead guy. The nightmare is very, very real. Terrific.

Despite seemingly being down on his luck, it would appear that the purse snatcher has quite a nice watch on his wrist. A particularly ugly fella in black gloves whom we’re all supposed to think is the killer, decides to snatch the watch.

Golden boy Morgan has successfully retrieved the purse. What a swell guy. He has super-human hearing as well because he’s just so brilliant. He detects an indistinguishable sound coming from the other end of the incredibly busy alley. It’s almost as if he knew exactly where to look…

The watch thief, Mas Maharg (Series story editor “Sam Graham” spelled backwards), is another great creature design for the series. Those deep-set eyes and that permanently down-turned mouth really get the point across that this is a guy who’s seen some serious stuff.

Maharg hops the fence as soon as Morgan and Romek appear. Morgan wants to jump over after him and give chase, but Romek couldn’t give two hoots and lets the guy go. He really is cranky today.

Morgan gets his mitts all over the dropped watch just in time for Romek to insist they leave it for forensics to deal with. Morgan gives a small look to suggest he’s not best pleased about being partnered with a lazy so-and-so who won’t let him run off and catch some crims. It’s quite subtle though, and couldn’t possibly manifest as a major psychosis by the end of the episode…

Back at the station house, the forensic sketch artist last seen in Seek and Destroy is reading Morgan to get a picture of Mas Maharg. The computer graphics as the picture appears on the screen are a tad more sophisticated than what we got in Seek and Destroy. Morgan and the artist share quite a long moment of staring at each other and it’s pretty flippin’ obvious that Morgan is a weirdo. He just has one of those faces.

Brogan, safely back in his uniform after Fredo’s so-called party, thanks Morgan for having a splendid memory. Morgan addresses his superior as “sir” but Brogan prefers to keep things casual and asks to be called “Brogan”… chummy, but not chummy enough for first names – that’s so Brogan. Morgan persists with calling him “sir,” which just makes the boy look like an absolute moron who can’t understand basic English. I say “boy” because it’s actually painfully obvious that Morgan was written to be played by a much younger-looking actor with a fresh-faced, naive quality. This is going to sound cruel, but Todd Boyce was 33 when filming this scene and really doesn’t look that much younger than Ted Shackelford who was 48 at the time. What can I say? Ted clearly knew how to manage his hairline!

Captain Podly examines the watch and we learn that the initials ‘DC’ stand for Danny Cav. Danny was a small-time hustler… the sort of common thief who’s stupid enough to walk around with a monogrammed watch that clearly identifies him. Brogan mentions another light-lance murder victim from the past week by the name of Johnny Mueller – also a petty criminal. Podly suspects a neighbourhood war. And that’s all the information you’re getting for the moment. It’s not exactly the most exciting briefing we’ve ever had from Podly. He essentially tells the officers to get on with it. Fair enough, I suppose.

It’s a fairly inconsequential bit of business, but I do enjoy the gang heading back downstairs and rolling their eyes as Romek explains why solving a murder is fairly easy in Demeter. It continues the established pattern that Romek isn’t exactly the hardest working of police officers. I also enjoy the fact that without Orrin, everyone else has to be on the receiving end of Romek’s grumbles for a change. We’ve all been in those work environments.

Castle grabs Haldane to ask how it’s going, just so he can explain everything we’ve already heard one more time. Haldane explains that he’s off to go and dig for evidence to back up this rather vague case. Castle suggests that Haldane might get lucky. Haldane believes that “luck has nothing to do with it.” Believe it or not, this inane chat does come back around later, but overall it’s not exactly their most exciting interaction. In fact, it’s a pretty dull episode for Castle in general.

Before Brogan and Haldane can leave, Fredo catches them and says there’s a Ms. Datch from Demeter News waiting to come and see Brogan. Yes, apparently Brogan has connections in the media that he’s keen to avoid. That’s certainly a recent development.

They make their excuses while scrambling for the other exit, with Haldane claiming that they had a wonderful time at Fredo’s party last night… which is obviously a lie. Brogan puts Morgan in charge of getting an I.D. report back from Slomo on the attempted watch thief. It feels so wrong not having Orrin around for that sort of thing. #BringBackOrrin

Iona Datch from Demeter News arrives at the front desk, played by the same Kate Harper who had previously voiced Officer Harry in the Space Police: Star Laws pilot. Datch isn’t at all surprised to learn that Brogan has disappeared. What dirt could she possibly have on our beloved lieutenant? We haven’t heard from Zil recently – perhaps he finally strangled the horrible little ferret.

Slomo trundles in with an I.D. match for Morgan’s suspect. Romek recognises the name Mas Maharg and it’s the most animated he’s been all day. Poor Todd Boyce clearly isn’t being given much direction in this scene, with his eyes darting about all over the place while he’s “listening” to Slomo talk. He obviously doesn’t know which part of the prop he should be looking at. I can’t imagine Lou Hirsch was one for giving out many tips to guest actors getting to grips with the weird world of Space Precinct.

Somehow, Datch has access to the same docking bays where the police cruisers are housed and waltzes straight up to Brogan as he’s trying to leave. She wants information on the serial killer. Brogan doesn’t feel like sharing… not that he has any details to share yet anyway. Datch says, “The word ‘no’ and I have never been what you’d call close friends.” Here’s a lesson for aspiring writers. Sometimes it’s okay to just use clichés like “I won’t take no for an answer” if your only alternative line is a load of absolute drivel.

Brogan and Haldane fly off to do… something. A spot of general murder investigation, I suppose. The plot isn’t exactly committing to specifics this week.

Phwoar, that’s a nice double moon.

The Fredo family are getting ready for Estes’ telekinetics exam with the Motionary Telekinetic Maze. The objective is simply to move the ball around the maze with the power of the mind. Estes can’t seem to focus, so her father calls her lazy and shows off just how quickly he can move the ball around with his own powers. I guess that’s Fredo’s parenting style. I actually don’t know how the effect of the ball moving around on its own is achieved on-set. It moves pretty randomly so I’m guessing there are just quick blasts of compressed air being fired at the ball inside the prop.

Here’s a very clear demonstration of just how little visibility an actor in a Tarn mask would actually have on the set. Underneath Estes’ eyes you can spot two slits where gauze is visible that would allow Kiran Shah to see out. Usually the gauze is much less obvious, but the way this shot is lit makes the peep holes show up more than normal.

Estes makes another attempt at solving the maze but the timing isn’t great. A Creon is rushing around in another part of the city trying to avoid an attack. He doesn’t succeed and poor Estes has to watch another person get slashed to bits by a light-lance. The attack itself is fairly tame – just a shiny blue prop getting waved around in front of the camera. But we cut back and forth rapidly between the slashing, Estes’ panicked eyes, and the ball going absolutely bananas inside the maze to try and sell the terror of it all. The earlier scene with Estes tucked up in bed was definitely more chilling, but I’d argue the tone here is probably closer to what Space Precinct should be aiming for. Something about a child screaming in their own bed seemed a bit too real, whereas this scene feels more surreal and detached.

Yolanda tells Fredo to call a doctor. She actually calls her husband by his last name, “Fredo”. Whenever Sally calls her husband “Brogan” instead of “Patrick” I always look at it as a cheeky term of endearment. Here, it just feels like Yolanda has forgotten her husband’s name.

An ambulance and a police cruiser fly through the city, but it’s not for Estes but the Creon she just watched die. Blood trickles from his skull as Brogan and Haldane attend the crime scene. Again, it all feels very real – like a gritty police drama set firmly on Earth, rather than a science fiction series. There’s space vehicles and aliens running around, but they might as well be regular cars and people for all the difference it makes.

This next bit is really dumb so I’ll try to gloss over it as briefly as possible. A wistful man claiming to know the victim, Lam, wants to have a moment with the corpse before it’s taken away. Regardless of basic police practice, Brogan and Haldane just let him step right into the crime scene because yeah, sure, it’s not like this plot was going to go anywhere otherwise. The crotchety fella suddenly changes his tune and starts beating the body bag with his walking stick. The reason?

The victim was a lousy bookmaker who didn’t make good on bets. And that’s that. Brogan and Haldane share baffled looks. It’s supposed to be a look which says “huh, who would want to murder a bookie?” But for me, it’s a look which also says “why did we just go through that ridiculously drawn out scene to learn a piece of information which is of desperately little consequence?”

The building last seen as Demeter Memorial Hospital in Divided We Stand has been re-badged as Demeter City Hospital today… even though it looks nothing like the Demeter City Hospital building that we saw in Illegal.

“It’s so good to see your face, Sally.” Yeah, it’s nice of Sally to bother showing up in an episode for more than 30 seconds.

So, we’ve known for a while now that Sally works at the hospital. Her hubby has taken to ringing up whenever he has a vaguely medical question that he needs advice on. But Sally’s actual job has remained a mystery because, frankly, it’s never been relevant. I suspect Nancy Paul has finally kicked some backsides on the writing team and asked for her character to be given something meaningful to do. So, allow me to introduce Demeter City Hospital’s very own Children’s Post-Trauma Therapist, Sally Brogan. She has a new uniform and everything. Sally explains that Estes is facing a struggle between getting away from her traumatic experience and getting back to normality… which actually sounds like two sides of the same coin… but I’m sure Sally’s the expert.

“Her telekinetics exam is at the end of the week. I don’t know if you knew that.” Err… Yolanda, your husband was literally there helping Estes prep for the exam when all this kicked off. I know you’re upset but such a major lapse in memory is rather concerning. First his name, now this!

Time for another briefing. This episode seems to be caught in a loop where there’s hardly any plot development, so we have a chat about the lack of plot development to fill the time.

Johnny Mueller is represented by a photograph of Second Assistant Director, Paul Morris. Among his convictions, Mueller was found in possession of black crystal, the drug introduced way back in Double Duty.

Carson and Slomo present the other victims and their lack of gang affiliations. Haldane tries his best to look interested. Morgan tries his best to look thoroughly evil without giving it away.

Podly asks Carson for his scientific opinion. He genuinely doesn’t have one. I’m so far from the edge of my seat I’ve left the room.

With neighbourhood wars ruled out, Carson and Podly conclude that there’s a serial killer on the loose – something which Brogan’s journalist friend Iona Datch had already predicted ages ago if you’ll recall the earlier scene. Podly finally injects a bit of passion into proceedings and orders Romek to get off his snarky backside and go looking for the prime suspect, Mas Maharg.

With the briefing over, everyone heads back to work, including the lesser-spotted Officer Orrin and his precious head of hair. He’s been sitting quietly in the back row away from Romek and his new pal, Morgan. Poor bloke. #BringBackOrrin

Brogan’s got his own plan for catching the killer. He phones up Datch and asks her to plaster Maharg’s face all over the Demeter News. She declines at first. Then she doesn’t. It’s not a complex negotiation.

Back at whatever hospital this is actually supposed to be, Sally is putting all of her complex therapy skills to the test… by trying to bribe the kid out of her coma with fizzy-chip cookie dough ice cream. It doesn’t work.

Is there anyone out there who hasn’t worked as an extra on Space Precinct? The station house is positively heaving as everyone and their favourite hooker comes in to make a report about the recent crime wave.

We’ve brought back Orrin! For a small injection of comedy into an otherwise grim episode, Orrin contradicts Romek’s earlier comments and explains to Morgan that solving murders in Demeter City is actually rather hard. He says all this while standing in the middle of the room doing absolutely nothing while everyone around him works away. What a diva. Meanwhile, Officer Castle is grilling our old friend Zipload. Once again, his skills as an informant are woefully lacking because he doesn’t know anything about anything.

Again, Todd Boyce’s eyeline is all over the shop when faced with the wide-set eyes of a Creon mask. Morgan rather pointedly says that “evil is evil.” Very profound.

Brogan doesn’t like the sound of that and briefly studies Morgan with a withering stare. Now Ted Shackelford is an actor who knows what to do with his eyes.

Haldane interrupts Brogan’s moment of suspicion with news that Mas Maharg has been spotted at the soup kitchen. Why, a trip to a location we’ve already visited that won’t cost the set department any extra money? Don’t mind if I do.

Quick as a flash, Haldane’s thrown on his disguise and is already arresting the creep. He’s good…

But not that good. Maharg does… something… near Haldane’s face which allows him to evade capture. If it’s meant to be a punch it sure doesn’t look like one.

The squad leaps into action with Romek and Brogan coming out of cover and pushing through the crowd in pursuit of Maharg. There’s lots of extras getting in the way to add a bit of extra drama.

Maharg stops in the bar for a drink. Running from the cops is thirsty work.

Brogan is quick to catch up but Maharg is ready to push Brogan over a table. Ted Shackelford’s stunt double is quite a bit more ginger than the real Ted Shackelford.

Maharg holds out a light-lance in his black-gloved hand. That would make him an uncanny match for the murderer that we’ve seen in Estes’ visions. Officer Morgan is ready with his gun to save the day. It’s worth mentioning that Maharg is not played by one of the recurring Space Precinct alien actors but newcomer Peter-Hugo Daly – an actor whom I can best describe as having a distinctively long face that’s well-suited to the mask. I’m sure Daly has more talents than that, but it’s the only one that’s relevant to this particular character.

As Maharg goes to slash Morgan, Brogan lunges to the rescue yelling, “Morgan! No, Morgan! Stop!” Why would Brogan be telling Morgan to stop? I’m guessing it’s probably meant to look a little bit more like Morgan is getting ready to open fire, but there’s a close-up shot missing that would demonstrate that.

As it is, Brogan just disarms Maharg with very little fuss.

Brogan yells out for someone to read Maharg his rights. “Why bother?!” barks Morgan. Brogan quickly sets him straight with that respectable sense of fair play that I’m always so fond of. It’s a nice moment and well-placed halfway through the episode so that serious doubts about Morgan can begin to creep in.

As Brogan goes back to contemplating Morgan’s general weirdness, the music swells for the commercial break. There’s a poster for something called “Cry Wolf” in the background… I don’t think it’s for the Thunderbirds episode of the same name, but you never know.

Back at the hospital, let’s take a moment to appreciate not only the nice ambulance models on the roof but also all the little cars parked below – including that rarely seen police bike first spotted in Takeover.

The ice cream bribery was a bust, so Sally’s new strategy to bring Estes around is threatening to give away her favourite doll.

That wakes her up. But she hasn’t forgotten about the fizzy-chip cookie dough ice cream and demands some immediately. Fair enough – I’m sure comas make you hungry.

Elsewhere, Brogan is interrogating Maharg about the murders. As usual, Took is on hand to read the suspect’s thoughts. Alas, all he’s thinking about is the jingle for Capek Soup. To me it sounds like a rude act of defiance on Maharg’s part. Why else would an ad jingle come up in a police interrogation? But Took thinks it’s something more serious. She suggests that Maharg is actually so hungry that he can’t think of much else. Hmmm. That’s certainly one interpretation. Maybe the writer is serving up some sort of social commentary on the basic resource of food being treated as a trivial commodity in a capitalist society? Really, it’s just a bit weird.

Brogan informs Podly that Maharg probably isn’t the serial killer. Yay. I love when the plot hits another brick wall. Rather than getting worked up and attempting to keep the momentum of the investigation (and the episode) going, Podly drops it for now and sends Brogan home early. You couldn’t cut the tension with a knife because the tension has gone on holiday to Barbados.

Patrick comes home to find his wife setting the table for a romantic dinner for two. That’s right, Sally Brogan isn’t just Demeter City Hospital’s leading Post-Trauma Therapist, she somehow finds time to be the perfect housewife. She works hard, but couldn’t possibly work harder than hubby. That would be far too modern for our futuristic space show.

Patrick and Sally start sucking faces and the rest is up to your imagination. After dinner, the plates are not quite empty which either means Sally’s cooking is still average at best, or they figured out something better to do. The candles look like they’ve been burning for an awfully long time, the kids are away, and Sally’s cuddling on the couch with Patrick while wearing his uniform. I think they found something better to do.

For once it’s Sally that has some shop talk to run past Patrick rather than the other way round. She explains how extraordinary Estes’ case is and how vividly the girl recalls her violent visions. Apparently they remind Sally of the old slasher movies that were outlawed on Earth. Yes, Space Precinct has something to say about censorship. What a ridiculous slab of irony. Anyway, the point is that Estes recalled seeing Danny Cav’s watch, complete with his handy-dandy initials on the front. Patrick finally makes the connection that we’ve all been very familiar with since the beginning of the episode. In the character’s defence, I’m not sure how he personally could have been made aware of it sooner. It’s just not very exciting for the viewers at home to have to wait 27 minutes for the plot to get started.

Brogan consults with Fredo at the hospital. Estes’ ability to see what the killer sees through her para-mental eye is apparently a talent rarely shared by Tarn adults but more common in sensitive children. So, this isn’t a freak phenomena and probably something the medical team should have investigated sooner. Right on cue, Estes is witnessing another attack which Fredo is able to tune into, at least partially. It looks like Mas Maharg is the next victim.

Brogan calls up the station to check on Maharg’s whereabouts and it’s Orrin who answers the call. With Fredo at the hospital, who else would you expect? Maharg has been released since Carson’s analysis on his light-lance came back clean and there was nothing but a soup jingle to incriminate him.

And look who emerges from the shadows pursuing Maharg. It’s creepy new boy, Officer Morgan. Well, duh. The reveal as we look up from his feet is very well done, but not exactly surprising.

Director, Peter Duffell, wows us all with a tracking crane shot as Maharg runs along a gantry across some enormous tanks. We’re outside again during a cold December night on the Pinewood Studios lot. This time we’re looking at some oil tanks adjacent to the studio’s power house.

Maharg is trapped by Morgan at the other end of the gantry. A nurse has been called to assist Estes who can’t stop crying as she watches in terror. It’s important to note that she’s seeing through Morgan’s eyes, but that doesn’t immediately give away that Morgan is the killer. It’s not abundantly obvious on-screen so I just thought I’d point it out.

Morgan pulls his gun on Maharg and persuades him to drop his light-lance. So far, not too psychotic. But then Maharg surrenders and Morgan starts waving around his own light-lance while rattling off a fairly arbitrary little monologue about virtue, temptation, justice, and consequences. It’s not exactly great poetry, but it serves the purpose of demonstrating Morgan’s nuttiness.

Morgan starts slashing and ironically reading Maharg his rights through gritted teeth. There’s no blood, and the light-lance doesn’t particularly resemble a sharp weapon. That might make the scene more palatable for a family audience, but it does have the unfortunate consequence of making the attack look a bit silly. Todd Boyce and Peter-Hugo Daly are obviously just pretending to fight, which isn’t what you want from such a dramatic, pivotal moment. And really, if we’re being honest, it doesn’t make the scene more palatable for a family audience either. The tone is still dark, gritty, and scary because of Todd Boyce’s unhinged performance and the grizzly slicing sound effects. I still can’t imagine the BBC were thrilled to show this at 6 o’clock. So, who’s winning here? The violence isn’t realistic violence so the adults won’t buy it, but it’s being played off as realistic violence so it’s not really suitable for kids either.

Morgan leaves Maharg’s corpse on the gantry and toddles off. It’s really handy that the Pinewood lot at night looks just like Demeter City. Unfortunately, Peter-Hugo Daly has chosen a death pose that’s frightfully uncomfortable and he struggles to stay motionless while playing dead on the railing.

Remember Castle and Took? They’ve finally been given a job to do! Estes’ hospital room needs guarding now that she’s a key witness in a serial killer hunt. It doesn’t exactly make full use of Castle and Took’s skills, but at least it gets them into the episode. Sally emerges from the room feeling defeated, despite Castle’s feeble attempts to cheer her up. The dialogue is so darn clunky it makes me feel nauseous.

Oh and remember the whole journalist subplot? That’s going somewhere too now. Iona Datch turns up to film a report. Took and Castle scowl and try their best to guard the door with intimidating authority. I’ve mentioned before that looking scary isn’t exactly Simone Bendix’s strong suit.

While Castle and Took shuffle around awkwardly in the background, Datch presents her news item – confidently spouting that she doesn’t really know anything about the connection between Estes and the serial killer. Podly watches from his office, ever so slightly put out. We get another cheeky reference to Altor’s unusual relationship with time as Datch ends her report with, “Iona Datch at 13 o’clock – this is the news at noon.”

Fredo’s back at work but the normally cool and collected desk sergeant is babbling about his daughter’s safety and wants a favour. Something’s off with actor David Quilter’s mask in this scene as he struggles to get Fredo’s mouth open when he talks.

Podly spares Fredo from explaining further. He immediately calls up Orrin to arrange Estes’ protective custody in the station house medical bay. Orrin’s all over it because he’s just so much better than everyone else, let’s be honest.

Just like that, Estes is transferred to the station house with Castle and Took remaining on guard duty and Sally Brogan on hand to keep doing whatever it is she’s been doing. It finally feels like we’re picking up the pace here.

Orrin knows everyone’s business now and informs a flustered Brogan that Datch is waiting for him in the coffee room. Brogan looks ready to take a chunk out of her.

And boy howdy does he let her have it. He’s furious that Datch exposed Estes’ involvement and endangered her life without any clear evidence. It’s a bit of a trope that the police and the press end up butting heads, but hey, at least it’s generating some actual drama here.

Then, Datch drops a bombshell… kinda. She starts rattling off some personal information about Brogan like his wife and two kids, his house payment history, his credit rating, oh and the fact that one of his neighbours thinks he’s having an affair. Boom. There’s a beat. “Where the hell did you get that information?” Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait… is Patrick Brogan having an affair? Is that a thing? Are they really going there? Is this Space Precinct jumping the shark?

Datch reveals that she has a file on every cop on the case and shares it with Brogan, hinting that there might be something useful inside. She insists she won’t run the story unless she knows the facts. And she even apologises for reporting on Estes’ involvement. Brogan admires Datch for having a conscience. Okay, okay, okay, that’s all very well but IS BROGAN HAVING AN AFFAIR?! I’m obviously guessing not because that goes absurdly against what his character stands for. Datch probably just said it for the shock value. But I have so little faith left in the Space Precinct writers to get the tone right that I wouldn’t put it past them to turn our beloved family man into an adulterer just for the fun of it.

The station house medical bay seems far emptier than it looked at the beginning of the series in episodes like Double Duty and Protect and Survive. Fredo arrives to announce that a new guard is coming to take over from Castle and Took, saying that the room will always be protected for a full “26 hours a day.” It seems like Estes is in the safest possible place…

Oh bother. Morgan’s the new guard. Well, that’s a pretty terrifying twist.

Brogan sits himself down at his desk and does some light reading in Datch’s file. Haldane is just chilling because he hasn’t really had much to do this week either.

Sally leaves Estes’ bedside to go and get coffee, leaving the little girl alone with the weirdo.

Ewww. No thank you. Not the gloves. This is just nasty. I don’t like this. This is already way too dark.

Brogan’s found the oddity in Morgan’s record. He reveals that in Morgan’s last precinct there were five unsolved murders of small-time criminals. Morgan was commended for bravery but the killer was never found. Come on lads, please solve this puzzle quickly.

“Space Precinct is definitively a family show. The stories embrace good wholesome family values and provide real moral insight in an exciting and entertaining form that never patronizes its audience. It is television that the whole family can enjoy watching together.” That’s a note from Philip Morrow, Space Precinct’s Executive Story Editor, in the show’s writers’ guide. I thought it was worth sharing while Morgan gets ready to stab a child while she sleeps.

The show’s matriarch, Sally Brogan, arrives just in time to put her own life on the line and fight the crazed slasher. That must be those wholesome family values hard at work.

Meanwhile, Haldane’s found a further track record of four more unsolved murders in Morgan’s training precinct. Really need you to join the dots on this one now, lads. Time’s a wastin’!

Phew, they soon get there and rush off to find Morgan. That’s a relief.

How dare you throw our Sally on the floor! Nancy Paul is acting her heart out because it’s the first time in 16 episodes that she’s had a properly challenging scene to play. It’s a bit too real and seeing her in such distress probably upset a lot of kids watching at home, but you’ve got to admire Nancy for giving it her all.

The cavalry arrives but Morgan’s locked the door. For some reason the officers don’t follow the standard Space Precinct procedure of firing their blasters to unlock the door. Maybe that only works on certain doors.

Morgan opens the door of his own accord. He’s holding Sally at gunpoint, just to make this sequence all the more harrowing.

Todd Boyce slowly turns into a beetroot as his character rants and raves about all the good work he’s done cleaning up the streets as a junior police officer while senior colleagues like Brogan have done nothing. It’s a wild, unhinged, and incredibly raw performance that I have to commend Boyce for. I just don’t think Space Precinct is the place for it, or any scene like this. In previous episodes, watching aliens with mysterious powers threatening our heroes has been tolerable because it was always one step removed from reality. But a manic, human police officer pointing his gun at an innocent woman and screaming about delivering justice is painfully real. To this end, the Space Precinct writers’ guide does indeed highlight that “Everything about Space Precinct reflects on modern urban life, so although it may look like a fantasy set in a far away place, it actually relates directly to our lives and experiences.” So, you could say that the episode’s writer, Eric Gethers, has achieved that brief here. However, the writers’ guide also encourages that “a huge variety of petty and serious crimes, can be explored by giving them an original ‘space’ twist.” I’m not seeing any sort of ‘space’ twist here, and I think that’s the big issue.

Officer Morgan is getting ready to shoot someone and Brogan can’t convince him to give up the gun. It’s certainly tense! I’m not saying it’s a bad scene, just really out of place.

A spot of Tarn telekinesis saves the day courtesy of Estes, who briefly interrupts her coma to force the gun out of Morgan’s hand and plop it on the bed next to her. There’s your ‘space’ twist, I guess. Why didn’t any of the Tarn police officers standing outside the room try the same trick? Well, because Estes needed to be the one to save the day, obviously.

Morgan is cuffed, and of course Brogan insists that he be read his rights to bring the whole thing full circle. Fredo assures Estes that the danger is over now. Patrick does the same for Sally. Now wouldn’t be a good time to bring up the affair, would it?

To round up the episode with just a small smidge of humour, Romek turns up at Orrin’s desk looking to get his partner back. He delicately suggests that Morgan is “out of the picture,” which is quite a polite way of saying he went completely barking mad and killed a bunch of people. Orrin reveals that he’s been promoted to acting sergeant while Fredo’s away spending time with his daughter. Then, rather confusingly, he puts on his jacket, offers to go out on patrol with Romek after all, and Romek seems to suggest the whole thing was a joke. So… is Orrin the acting sergeant or not? It seems like he’d be a good candidate for the job after all the other desk work he’s been doing this week.

Meanwhile, it’s about time Jack and Jane did some flirting before the episode finishes. Jack offers to take Jane for a date at the soup kitchen. Oh ha ha. Jane says she’d rather spend the evening alone in her thera-pool. Oh ha ha. Jack offers to join her there with the soup but it’s still a no… because it’s soup for goodness sake. Jane indicates that if Jack keeps asking her out he might actually get lucky one day. Jack repeats his sentiment from earlier that “luck has nothing to do with it.” So then she changes her mind, decides that today is that day, and agrees to meet him at the soup kitchen at 8 o’clock. I may have nodded off partway through that scene because it was so needlessly convoluted.

Here’s a nice shot of Fredo’s apartment block in the daytime. This episode has been extremely light on special effects and model work so we have to take what we can get.

Estes is back on her feet and announces that she worked really hard on her telekinetics exam and got an A. I guess now that Morgan is “out of the picture” all her trauma from witnessing three murders just went away by itself. Proud mother Yolanda is called away to answer the door, leaving Thorald with an opportunity to unveil a special gift for his daughter…

It’s Motionary 2 Electric Boogaloo. Estes is horrified. Fredo is devastated by her lack of enthusiasm. Fredo’s probably the sort of man who gives out pencils to trick-or-treaters.

Sally and Patrick Brogan drop by because they’re such swell friends of the family now. And Sally knows that there’s only one gift that Estes would actually give two hoots about…

Fizzy-bloomin’-chip cookie dough ice cream, of course! It’s packaged in the most 90s-looking ice cream tub you’ve ever seen. Well done Sally. Mission completed. Now, about that affair…

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Like so many Space Precinct episodes, the main problem with The Witness is that it doesn’t have enough going on to sustain the 45-minute runtime. The plot simply couldn’t advance too far in the first half because it would have given away the shocking Morgan twist too soon. That being said, I like that the episode takes the opportunity to develop some lesser-seen characters. Putting Sally’s job at the forefront of the episode is great, and Nancy Paul finally has a chance to shine. Meeting the Fredo family is a nice novelty too, and exploring the nature of Tarn psychic abilities through them is a good idea.

Alas, Space Precinct demands action and adventure, and that’s what The Witness is seriously lacking. Without police cruiser chases or fantastic new alien menaces to dazzle the imagination, there just isn’t much to get excited about. The key selling point of Space Precinct is very much the “Space” part of the title. Otherwise, you just have a regular police drama. And The Witness isn’t necessarily a bad police drama either – like I said, Todd Boyce’s performance as the twisted Officer Morgan is commendable. But without a healthy sprinkle of science fiction elements, Space Precinct doesn’t have a hope of standing out. Ideally some of the more successful character work from The Witness is carried forward into some more space-twist-focused stories moving forward.