Space Precinct – 18. Friends

This episode of Space Precinct aired on BBC2 on Christmas Eve 1995, just before the worldwide premiere of Wallace and Gromit: A Close Shave. What a double bill. That screening of A Close Shave gained BBC2 its highest ever audience figure up to that point of 10.62 million viewers. I wonder how many of those viewers caught the end of Friends and therefore received their first exposure to Space Precinct. Would those last few minutes of lukewarm Haldane and Castle romance hook you for the rest of the series? Somehow, I feel like Wallace and Wendolene charmed more hearts that Christmas.

Peter Duffell is back in the directing chair and manages to tease out the moments of action and intrigue from what is otherwise intended to be a character-driven piece. The slick precision that was there in Duffell’s first episode, Two Against The Rock, maybe isn’t so sharp in Friends, but overall he pulls it off. The script for this week is a real jumble. Carl Jahnsen is an unknown name – maybe a pseudonym that I can’t trace. It would appear that the series’ Executive Story Consultant, Chris Hubbell, and Executive Story Editor, Philip Morrow, stepped in and performed some rewrites on what I imagine was just a submission from Jahnsen originally. The result is an episode which certainly feels different from previous ones and crammed with attempted character development, but perhaps not spending its running time focusing on the right things…

There’s a distinct lack of Patrick Brogan in the ‘This Episode’ sequence today. He is in the episode, I promise, but there’s been a real drive to convince us that these random guest characters are the stars of the show this week.

Naming your episode after a fluffy sitcom doesn’t exactly suggest a story ripe with tension.

We’re introduced to this marvelous little spaceship scavenging space junk with its stop-motion-animated claw. Said spaceship isn’t actually important until the end of the episode so all it really does for the moment is confuse us.

The scavenger flies away and our focus shifts to this scrappy little space station. I think it’s a great design. It’s essentially an apartment that’s been ripped out of a building and plopped into orbit. Simple, and ever so slightly homey.

Inside, the space station has the feel of some student digs. Snacks and posters and books and scraps of tech scattered about the place. Scruffy young people inhabit this place. Space Precinct doesn’t tend to focus on young adults very much. It’s not surprising given the more senior ages of the producers and directors behind the show, but it’s also not like 20-somethings were a part of the intended audience anyway. It was a family show (sometimes) aimed at children and their parents. Appropriately enough, the 20-somethings were probably more interested in shows like the sitcom Friends at the time. So, could this be Space Precinct trying, with very little subtlety, to capture that particular audience?

This handsome young fella is Reeve Pataki, played by Ben Walden. Walden’s most significant acting role was probably playing Young Martin Chuzzlewit in the 1994 TV adaption of Martin Chuzzlewit. In more recent years his focus has shifted to education and motivational speaking. Reeve is another one of those Space Precinct guest characters, like Walker in Predator and Prey, who desperately needs an injection of charisma to make him memorable. Alas, it just isn’t there.

Up on the fancy Neuronet screen is Arrak Gushen. It’s Space Precinct repertory actor Rob Thirtle in the mask but he’s been re-voiced and I can’t for the life of me place who it sounds like. Probably Gary Martin. It’s usually Gary Martin. Gushen has apparently connected Reeve with Zanuck Intergalactics and “some lower echelon female exec with a suitcase full of money.” Can someone find me one of those, please?

Lynn Dilfer shares in Reeve’s good feeling about this development. Lynn is played by Jacqueline Defferary in one of her earliest television roles. If you recognise her from anywhere, it’s probably that Mr. Bean sketch in the launderette. It’s a reasonably okay performance she gives as Lynn, but maybe not enough to carry the whole episode. It’s the kind of role that’s a real treat for a young actor, but there are moments when Defferary’s inexperience holds her back. Being hampered by a very broad New York accent probably didn’t help.

The chemistry between Lynn and Reeve plays well. The reckless abandon of these two youngsters is a great hook for some drama. It’s a pity that they spend most of the episode separated.

The third wheel is Tong Coop, played by Space Precinct regular, Wayne Forester. The glasses and nerdy voice tells us that he’s the brains of the outfit… and he’s really not a million miles away from being the Tarn, 1990s version of Brains from Thunderbirds.

The aforementioned suitcase full of money is going to be payment for this teeny, tiny little key. This Space Precinct episode is down with the kids, so it’s not about old school gangsters trading in drugs and prostitutes like we’d normally see, but hip college students making their money in tech. Oh, but Reeve isn’t actually interested in money. Apparently they’re out to change “the system.” How very modern. And, y’know, they may or may not be a throuple, so that’s even more modern.

It’s time for a moody nighttime trip into the city. Lovely lighting all around.

The regular Brogan family hopper has been repainted in white for its appearance on the live action set. It would appear that the production has also acquired another concept car from I.A.D. – this time the utterly bonkers 1986 I.A.D. Alien.

Apparently our gang of anarchists can’t afford to buy their own car and have to use the company ‘Renta Hopper’ to get from A to B. Alternatively they might have stolen or salvaged the hopper. Either way, it’s not an attractive logo to have slapped on the side of your car.

An adorable little dish fixed to the roof allows Tong to scan for communications. They’re being very cautious and sensible which ultimately raises some nice tension. Reeve exits the car and puts on his cunning disguise… it’s a New York Yankees baseball cap which the production probably had leftover from Two Against The Rock. The familiar logo sticks out like the sorest of thumbs. I know Demeter City is always pitched as “New York in space” but the link doesn’t have to be quite so blatant, does it?

The dark alley for the rendezvous is your standard-issue Space Precinct street set – essentially a reconfiguration of the elements last seen in Hate Street.

While Tong listens out for cops and remains pretty chill about the whole thing, Reeve checks his snazzy watch which has 13 hours on the face to reflect Altor’s extra-long days. It’s a tiny detail, but the prop makers for the series really do seem committed to that whole bit.

Gushen arrives at last, but he’s not alone…

Alas, some digital interference appears on-screen for a split second in this master of the episode. It’s a momentary blip, not present on the standard definition DVD release, but visible on the Blu-ray and official Gerry Anderson YouTube release of Friends. Not exactly a deal breaker because the picture quality has otherwise been stellar for the series so far. It’s mostly unfortunate that it occurs during a particularly tense reveal when your eyes are glued to the screen.

Officer Castle has been raiding the dressing up box at the station house again. This time there’s a bit of a Mia from Pulp Fiction vibe about her. Simone Bendix puts on her best American accent and tries to act tough, both of which are about as convincing as you’d expect.

Castle nervously accepts a scanning from Reeve and is forced to hand over her exceedingly chunky pen. All nice business to build up the tension.

Reeve pops the mysterious key that Tong was working on earlier into his computer. The prop itself is a jumble of various digital personal organisers, including the 64KB Casio B.O.S.S. SF-4600B digital diary from 1994.

But far from using his Casio organiser to schedule a dentist appointment, Reeve is actually using the device to research Zanuck Intergalactics and its competitors. Yes, he’s in the business of hacking and industrial espionage. Again, he’s a very modern chap. Jane isn’t very impressed so far, clearly inviting the young punk to incriminate himself a bit more.

So, Reeve shows off some information on Vortex Industries that’s marked confidential. The actual readouts are just garbled computer specifications, so no hidden Easter eggs from the graphics department on this occasion.

Elsewhere, part of Demeter City is just casually on fire in the background. Nobody seems bothered. It’s probably left over from last week’s car chase. Alternatively, it might be a Blade Runner reference.

Brogan and Haldane are out on patrol, scanning the map and no doubt waiting to swoop in and help Castle. It’s a classic undercover police operation with no surprises so far.

Castle acts modestly impressed by the key’s capabilities and offers to hand over the case full of cash. Reeve isn’t bothered but doesn’t stop her from doing so. He’s cool, y’know, whatever bruh.

Jane’s special pen unlocks the case and Reeve is so infatuated with said pen that he accepts it as a gift. Some people are easy to please. There’s now a red light on top of the pen but I guess he’s not suspicious of that at all.

The pen is a tracking device, obviously.

Brogan alerts the team by announcing they’re “knocking off for dinner.” It’s either a code word or the cruiser’s VCR hot dog dispenser has stopped working and Haldane’s getting hangry.

Lots of little lights down below actually indicate that there’s some proper traffic in Demeter City for once. Why everyone’s scooting around in their flying cars all the way down at street level I don’t know, but it’s an improvement nonetheless.

But Tong quickly sees through Brogan’s incredibly transparent coded message and alerts Reeve to the danger while Lynn goes in on foot – jogging with only a smidge of urgency about her. A little red light on Reeve’s watch is enough to let him know things have gone south. Castle is practically daring him to try something with that stare.

He runs for it. It would be far too generous to say that Castle tackles him. She lightly taps him on the shoulder and the poor boy just happens to fall over so she can get on top of him.

While Brogan and Haldane provide mood lighting and little else, Reeve accepts his arrest from a couple of random extras dressed as police officers. Normally this sort of back-up role in an operation would be reserved for Orrin and Romek, but what are the odds that Lou Hirsch just couldn’t be bothered to show up for work today?

Brogan’s pleased with Castle’s work, and Jane’s feeling pretty smug about it too. With Reeve carted off and Gushen the informant perfectly safe, Castle picks up her case full of money and heads for home. She checks the alley one last time, taking full advantage of the atmospheric lighting which Space Precinct so rarely treats us to.

Lynn is tucked away around a corner, rather put out that her boyfriend has been stitched up by the rozzers. We feel a morsel of sympathy for her. Enough to drum up some intrigue, anyway. But mostly I just feel confident she’s going to do something stupid in retaliation.

Back at Tong and Lynn’s orbital apartment, the friends are having a disagreement. Now that Reeve’s gone, Tong is packing up his stuff and getting ready to bail. Lynn appears out of thin air and assures Tong that Reeve will never sell them out to the cops because “friends are everything.” One of my gripes with this episode is that every time someone brings up “friends” or “friendship” it sounds like the perspective of a six-year-old and not like something an actual person would say. Especially not the sort of people who keep a Che Guevara poster on the wall. And yes, that poster is a bit on the nose.

There’s some more of that throuple energy as Lynn tries to tempt Tong back onside by calling him “Genius #2” while holding his shoulders. That’s another reason why the “friends” thing sounds weird and naive to me – they’re clearly all banging each other. Space Precinct is just too much of a family show to go there.

Speaking of over-crowded relationships, Haldane is trying to keep his plans for a date with Castle a secret, and immediately asks Took to keep her mind-reading capabilities to herself. Poor Took doesn’t want to know because the whole Jack and Jane relationship is such a tangled up mess at this point. I guess the two of them are dating now? For the convenience of this week’s plot they are, anyway.

“Maybe I’m just tired of your games, Haldane.” She really sounds like she means it too. I’m not sure the line was supposed to be delivered with that much loathing behind it, but frankly after last week’s antics with Erika Brandt in Hate Street, Castle’s right to be a little cold towards Haldane.

Brogan steps in, put instantly on edge by the frosty atmosphere. Jane looks ready to burst into tears. Was this scene meant to turn quite so sour?

On her way into the interrogation room, Mary Woodvine has a little bit of trouble in her Took mask finding the chair. She reaches for it, misses, and then grabs it on the second try.

The officers chat to Reeve in an attempt to sum up the story so far and set some stakes for the episode. Reeve has been selling his mainframe-hacking keys and faces a long list of espionage charges adding up to 40 years of jail time. Castle offers a bargain, allowing Reeve to walk free if he sells out his associates. But Reeve is quick to remind her that they aren’t his associates, but his friends. Officer Took’s mind-reading abilities dig up some further exposition for us. Reeve is a member of the KTB… just in case the communism theme wasn’t clear enough already. The episode might as well be called “Comrades.” Took explains that KTB stands for Karel Tarik Brigade, and Tarik was the leader of a group of obstructionists during the colonisation of Altor. Reeve then reveals that he despises his uber-capitalist father, Glen Pataki, for ripping off the working classes. So yeah, your bog-standard wannabe revolutionary with a bog-standard back story.

While all that largely unnecessary detail has been tumbling onto our screens, Tong has hacked into the mainframe of the station house. The 3D wireframe graphic is pretty snazzy by Space Precinct’s standards.

Back in the office, Castle tells Took about the last surprise date Haldane attempted to arrange. After Jane spent a week’s salary on an outfit, Jack ended up taking her to “magma wrestling in some wharf district warehouse.” To be fair, the last time Jack and Jane went to some wrestling was in the episode Illegal, and they kissed within a minute of their arrival. So Haldane was probably just playing the odds.

Safely out of earshot, Brogan and Haldane are getting coffee and discussing Reeve.

Ted Shackelford offers up an unscripted gag about the quality of the coffee by quickly making a funny face at it. Well, someone had to do it.

Haldane mistakes Karel Tarik the revolutionary leader with a cheating Slamball player… a joke which would land a lot better if we the audience weren’t barely up to speed on the whole Tarik thing ourselves.

Suddenly, the fire alarm goes off, and it’s obviously Brogan and Haldane’s job to go and fight the blaze because they’re the stars of the show. Some other volunteers follow behind, but we all know who the real heroes are. Haldane even remarks, “Why does it always happen on our shift?!” Because there wouldn’t be a show otherwise, dumb-dumb.

It would seem that the 88th’s firefighting squad is fully equipped and drilled for the situation. When the last fire broke out back in Body & Soul, Brogan and Haldane just winged it, so I’m glad some training has taken place since then. The automated voice alert explains that the sprinklers have failed and the elevators are not operating. It’s a Gerry Anderson show so of course the emergency sprinklers have failed… even though it’s a fake fire.

Lynn and Tong are very pleased with themselves. Tong compares it to taking candy from a baby. I wouldn’t put it past him to try that. He’s a bit of a creep.

Brogan’s firefighting crew scrambles into the maintenance shaft which, of course, resembles the tubular tunnels recycled in The Snake, Body & Soul, Illegal, and Two Against The Rock. Peter Duffell even uses some shaky handheld camera work to try and add a sense of drama to the scene.

“Now for the adult part.” Steady on, Lynn. Wallace and Gromit is starting in a minute.

The computer graphics zoom in on the Level 6 detention cells where Reeve is being held. You could argue that sending all the officers down to Level 7, just one floor below the cells, is a little bit counterproductive. I suppose the idea is to clear the way so that Reeve can escape up to the Level 1 docking bay.

The officer on duty in the cells is none other than this hopeless dolt from episodes like Flash and Time To Kill who struggles with the concept of security. We still can’t make out what his name badge says but it doesn’t really matter what he’s called because as soon as you see that haircut, you know you’re in for trouble.

As instructed by the automated computer voice, the officer opens up cell number 4 to get it ready for a new prisoner. Bless him. He’s just following orders like a good boy.

The lads are still on their way to the fire, with Crispin Merrell’s music going bananas to maintain the tension during what is quite a drawn out sequence.

At the touch of a button, Officer Hopeless is trapped in the cell while he’s making up the bed. Probably the safest place for him, let’s be honest.

More touchy-feely stuff from the third wheel.

Soon enough, the door is open for Reeve to escape. Lynn calls in on the monitor for a spot of flirting and to give Reeve clear directions to the docking bay on Level 1. I am finding myself slightly rooting for the antagonists here, but mostly because it makes the story more interesting if they succeed.

More shots of men running around while the camera shakes. I may scoff, but how else can a director convey the risk of a fire without actually showing a fire? Ted Shackelford does some shouting to really tell you it’s serious. At long last, with everyone putting on respirators and taking it very, very seriously indeed, it’s time to open up the last hatch and fight this ruddy fire.

Orrin might be burning calories while Romek enjoys some smoking hot “Galactic Gals”, but there’s certainly no fire in here. This is probably one of Space Precinct’s best jokes so far because – by thunder – does it commit.

The awkwardness holds for just the right amount of time. It’s delicious. Richard James and Lou Hirsch don’t overplay it. The audience is allowed to put the comedy together for themselves without having the absurdity signposted.

Brogan immediately calls up Fredo to report the false alarm. He even diagnoses it as a mainframe malfunction. Look who’s Mr. Technical all of a sudden.

Brogan also notices that the elevators are working when they shouldn’t be. And then he immediately decides to go and check the cells. He’s a real clever-clogs today.

Reeve has made it to Level 1. Peter Duffell does some nice stuff with a dutch angle in a desperate attempt to make the dull corridor set look interesting.

Brogan’s hand gesture here says exactly what we’re all thinking about the doofus trapped in the cell.

With Reeve missing, Brogan immediately orders Fredo to seal the docking bays. He’s so cool in a crisis. Nothing in the past few minutes seems to have flapped our Brogan.

That lovely model shot of the docking bay from Takeover makes a re-appearance as Reeve tries to help himself to a police cruiser. I’m afraid I’m going to take back what I said earlier about Reeve being a handsome young fella – he looks a bit like a haunted shop window mannequin from some angles.

On Tong’s screen, the docking bay doors are opening and closing like crazy as he frantically taps his keyboard. The smug escape plan has fallen apart pretty quickly.

That “Danger! Park clear of door” sign was clearly put there after an unfortunate incident, probably involving Haldane.

Because Brogan’s so on top of things, he’s assigned Castle and Took to catch Reeve and ever so slightly humiliate him. “Oh mother,” says Reeve. “Not exactly,” quips Took. Actually, would it be terribly Gen Z of me to say that Took is, in fact, mother?

“You will live to regret this, cop!” The finger wagging is a bit of a poor acting choice from Jacqueline Defferary, but frankly it’s a terrible line of dialogue and she does her best with it. I’m certainly not as intimidated as I probably should be right now. In fact, now that Brogan and the cops have outsmarted our antagonists, I’m not really on their side anymore.

After the commercial break, Tong is locked out of the precinct’s computer system while Lynn is admiring her KTB poster. Karel Tarik certainly looks like a hunky beefcake.

Lynn is rather exasperated by all the bad news and Tong needs to explain that when the screen says they’re unable to connect it means they’re… unable to connect. He announces that the station house has probably “turned their darn system off.” He may be an anarchist, but you won’t catch him using words stronger than “darn.”

The DCPD recruitment office have been working their butts off again and the briefing room is filled to capacity with random officers we’ve never seen before scattered between the regular characters.

Podly calls the meeting to order and there’s a really noticeable bit of weird editing. It looks like this shot of Romek, Orrin, Took, and Castle settling down has been played back in reverse. There are a few instances in Friends of footage being manipulated like this in post production. It’s usually obvious from the sudden increase in motion blurring.

Big news – Brogan has sent out a memo. Don’t worry, that’s not all this meeting’s about. If you still need a reason to pick up Richard James’ excellent book, Space Precinct Unmasked, then allow me to direct you to a reproduction on page 105 of the inter-office mail that Brogan is holding up in this shot, including all the text that you were never meant to read. It’s all top notch stuff, but the final line is the clincher: “No one has yet discovered why 90% of young people develop haemorrhoids after prolonged visits at the Karel Tarik Fort. Perhaps his seats are made of stone.”

Bottom business aside, Romek recalls seeing some KTB graffiti in the Gilmore district – the area that he last visited in The Witness. Nice continuity.

Officer Carson is back this week to offer a vaguely technical opinion. I say only *vaguely* technical because he does put a weird emphasis on the word “mainframe” as if he’s never heard it said out loud before. He informs the team that they won’t be able to make screen calls while the system is shut down.

Slomo pipes up and explains that multi-com devices work on a different system so internal calls between officers are still possible. That’s a line that reeks of “we can’t cut off all communications entirely or the plot won’t work.”

But Carson adds that without satellite communications they’ve lost their collision warning systems, which means they’re reliant on proximity sensors and watch shifts. Apparently this is very disappointing for everyone in the room. At this point I should say that I don’t have a ruddy clue what they’re on about or why it’s relevant to the plot. I’m guessing they’re referring to the system that protects the station house itself from meteorite collision, but since that’s never been a concern at any point in the series so far, Carson could just as easily be banging on about preventing ice cream van collisions in the suburbs.

Podly asks Brogan, “Do we have any information about the Pataki case confederates?” That’s a fancy way of referring to Reeve’s friends. Half of the stuff in this scene is phrased in an unnecessarily convoluted way. Brogan puts Romek and Orrin on the case because he’s so familiar with the “urban guerrilla scene.” I don’t know about guerrillas but they did find a space chimp in a dumpster a few weeks back.

Castle’s already seen the rota and knows that she and Took are on late watch. Probably didn’t need to bother turning up to the meeting then if you already had all the pertinent information beforehand.

Orrin is livid that his partner has accidentally gotten them into doing some actual work. At least I think that’s what this odd expression of Orrin’s face is trying to convey. He may just be sucking a lemon.

Meanwhile, Lynn insists that they keep asking the question, “What would Reeve do?” She talks about her boyfriend with messianic reverence and it doesn’t exactly bode well for the rest of the episode.

Fortunately, Tong managed to retrieve something useful while he was hacked into the station’s computer system…

Yes, here are the names, addresses, and occupations of pretty much everyone at Precinct 88. Highlights include Juliet Bravo homage “Julliet Varbo”, “John Rokcford” who appears twice because his photos get jumbled up with “Sutta Lurge”, and two human officers named “Maggs Erm” and “Tan Charlotte” who are in fact Mags Arnold and Charlotte Serpell from the Space Precinct editing department.

Lynn asks to look at the files for just the female cops. We see Sutta Lurge again, followed by none other than Virgil Tracy – but probably not the one you were expecting. Rebecca Lacey is probably in there because one of the previous officers on the list was named Cagney Birnside – so think Cagney & Lacey. Castle’s file very pointedly highlights the fact she lives with Officer Took. And finally we’re left with Cav Elora who resides at 666 W.Neddham Flyway – which is probably a reference to Co-Executive Producer John Needham.

Lynn asks to take another look at Castle’s file, and then figures out what her oh so important boyfriend would do with a malevolent grin on her face.

So, here we are at 312 Warehouse Road.

Appropriately enough for an episode called Friends, this is the first time we’ve seen inside Castle and Took’s apartment and the vibe is very Monica and Rachel. In fact it’s the first confirmation we’ve had that Castle and Took live together. Alas, it’s not domestic bliss because Jane and Aurelia are currently arguing about a boy. Yes, Castle refuses to accept advice regarding Jack Haldane whether it’s positive or negative and Took is sick of the relationship going nowhere. Amen to that.

Unlike Monica and Rachel’s apartment in Friends, Castle and Took’s apartment is thoroughly boring to look at. For some reason Crispin Merrell has scored this scene with quite tense music, so the argument therefore takes on quite a serious tone. I’m pretty sure it’s scripted to play out exactly like a Monica and Rachel scene from Friends – where the bickering is silly and overblown for comic effect. Why else would Took suddenly blurt out that Jane should tell Jack that she loves him? Either that relationship has developed way, way faster than we’ve seen on-screen, or Took’s supposed to be hilariously exasperated right now. But all of this falls flat because the music turns it into a deadly serious soap opera scene.

Jane says that confessing her love for Jack is the most ridiculous thing she’s ever heard. And she’s not wrong. I’m very much in favour of the two getting together, but we’re jumping from dating to love way too quickly here. The Space Precinct writers should have been aiming to get as much rope out of the Castle and Haldane relationship as possible. It could have been an arc stretching over multiple seasons of a show. Heck, we’ve been talking about the sitcom Friends so Ross and Rachel’s protracted romance feels like the ideal example of what they should have been going for. So, why the sudden rush? Well, perhaps the writers were just labouring the point in order to deliver a satisfying climax for this particular episode. Or, maybe different writers and producers were pushing and pulling in different directions and this was the chaotic result. Or, perhaps it’s more indicative of the fact that Space Precinct’s initial run of 24 episodes was drawing to a close, and maybe there were those on the writing team who felt that a second season to tease out the Castle and Haldane romance would not be forthcoming, so they needed to start wrapping it up.

The rather intense disagreement ends with Took storming out to buy groceries and reminding Castle to do the dishes. Castle finishes the debate with, “And what if I don’t love him?!” I dunno, get a cat?

Mere seconds after Took leaves, there’s an intruder outside making a racket. We see the big clumsy boots of the assailant while Castle is left to assume that the noise was probably nothing. Not seeing the attacker might have made it a tad more dramatic for us.

Castle grabs a towel from her bedroom while a weirdo – probably Tong, let’s be honest – opens her bathroom window.

Yeah, it’s Tong. We enjoy a bit of a jump scare when he suddenly appears in the shower, but it could have been more tense without all the earlier visual clues.

Tong threatens to zap Castle with over 2000 volts of electricity. It’s pretty much the only threat he has because Simone Bendix is considerably taller than Wayne Forester and could probably take him in a fight.

Tong probably didn’t come looking for a fight, but he’s going to get one. Castle proceeds to kick the ever-lasting flip out of the specky nerd. She knocks the weapon out of his hand immediately and then just pummels his face again and again until Tong is on the ground regretting every life decision that’s brought him to this point.

As she goes to pick up the zapper, we get another blurry shot of Castle that’s been slowed down and/or reversed in post-production. I struggle to believe that there were no other usable takes of Castle bending down to grab the weapon and that they simply had to resort to this.

Oh dear, the other nutter’s arrived and she’s borrowed Castle’s gun from the bedroom.

Castle doesn’t have much to say to Lynn so it’s not really much of a showdown. Lynn asks which setting on the gun is for stunning and which is for killing. It would probably be in Castle’s best interests to answer that question, but apparently she’s in the mood for a gamble and elects to stay silent.

The moment that Castle gets shot is filmed in real slow motion with the camera running at high speed, and therefore carries some dramatic weight.

So, obviously we’re not a fan of Lynn anymore.

Later, Took comes home with two big bags of shopping and we have to watch her struggle to open the door with her palm while keeping hold of both bags. It’s a tense moment for that baguette.

Here’s something you don’t see often in Space Precinct – a high angle shot of an interior space. The reason this isn’t done often is twofold:

1. The walls of the set aren’t normally built tall enough to manage it.
2. The sets aren’t normally worth showing off anyway.

To that latter point, it’s fair to say that Castle and Took’s apartment looks more impressive from the ground.

It takes Took longer than you’d think to notice that the KTB have paid a visit. The standard of the artwork they’ve left behind belongs in a pre-school classroom.

It would seem that Castle has been confined to the escape pod up in the KTB’s orbital pleasure palace. Oh I hope they don’t try and use her in their kinky games.

Tong has recovered from his humiliating defeat and is back to doing what he does best – nerdy graphics on the computer. He takes a 3D scan of Lynn’s face and creates a lumpy-headed sprite.

Lynn smiles, the creepy plastic sprite smiles – simple. For some reason it was felt necessary on the end titles to specifically credit Jacqueline Defferary for playing both Lynn and the sprite… as if that wasn’t obvious. I mean, it’s a good disguise, but it’s not that good.

Tong revels in his title of “Genius #2.” Reeve is considered the highest ranking genius because he’s Lynn’s official boyfriend. However, I would argue that Tong is the cleverest of the group. I’ll admit that his ability to whip up exactly what’s needed for any given situation out of thin air is quite remarkable – bordering on the predictably convenient.

Brogan, Haldane, and Took have gathered in Podly’s office to watch the ransom demand from not-Lynn. She wants Reeve in exchange for Castle. The message was transmitted using Castle’s multi-com, because as Slomo so keenly pointed out earlier, that’s the only viable method of communication within the 88th at this time. It does beg the question as to how a police station can even function without accepting external calls. Do 911 emergency calls still work? If they don’t you might as well shut up shop and go home.

Brogan’s instinct is that the KTB are idealists and wouldn’t actually murder someone. Haldane says plenty of idealists murder people and insists on making the trade. Podly whips out the old “we can’t negotiate with terrorists” bit – even though that was very much the policy back in The Snake. Haldane then turns around and says that the KTB are only playing at being terrorists. So hang on, you’re saying that they are murderous idealists but they aren’t terrorists? Well there’s a can of worms I’d just love to open at 5:30 pm on Christmas Eve before Wallace and Gromit starts.

The officers are dismissed, and Haldane gladly storms out of his superior’s office in a deeply unprofessional manner. Podly sends Took home to rest because he’s such a nice guy.

While they wait for their demands to be met, Tong hands Lynn a mug that is obviously empty.

Officer Haldane continues to make some unique career choices as he marches down to interrogation to tear Reeve’s head off.

Brogan really is just here to be the sensible one this week.

He politely reminds young Jack to stick to doing his job. We don’t often get a rift between Brogan and Haldane so this is rather dramatic.

Reeve’s father, Glen Pataki, has arrived for a lovely chat with his son. Glen is played by Christopher Thomas and unlike most American actors who made guest appearances on Space Precinct, Thomas actually did work primarily in America rather than the UK. Reeve doesn’t want his rich daddy to bail him out, and plans to wipe the old man out in his crusade against capitalism. “Friends are everything,” Reeve decrees. I mean, it’s a good TV show, but I wouldn’t go that far.

On his way out, Glen stands up and gives the officers a look as if to say, “yeah, I don’t blame you for trying to throttle the little twerp. Good luck with it all. Peace out.”

Lynn announces that time’s up. With very little else to bargain with she calls Captain Podly to hassle him. “Time’s running out,” she claims. I thought time had already run out? Are we in extra time now? When does it go to penalties?

Podly buys them some time by offering to talk to his superiors again, but really they’re just waiting for incriminating evidence to come in from the two people you don’t necessarily want to count on in a crisis… Orrin and Romek. Yeah I’d forgotten that they had a role in this investigation too.

Lynn begins to panic about the cops tracking them down. What exactly did you think they were going to do?

Just a single moment after Captain Podly expressed concern about Orrin and Romek’s investigation, the two of them have arrived with exactly what they needed. It doesn’t exactly drum up much tension when all the actual police work happens off-screen. I do enjoy the fact that Lou Hirsch waves the photographs directly under Jerome Willis’ nose, far beyond the limited peripheral vision of the mask, and so they fail to get his attention until pressed firmly into his stomach.

They turn out to be very lovely (and very professionally posed) photos of Lynn Dilfer and Tong Coop at college. After much sniffing around, Orrin and Romek have learned that Lynn and Tong dropped out of school at the same time as Reeve and disappeared.

Orrin and Romek also confirm that Lynn and Tong’s parents haven’t had contact with their kids in almost a year. Haldane loses his cool… again. He doesn’t like the photos, doesn’t like the idea of publishing the photos, and doesn’t like the idea of waiting around. Finally, Captain Podly does what he probably should have done all along and tells Haldane to naff off.

So, he toddles away in a big strop. Despite Brogan specifically telling him earlier that acting like a big baby isn’t going to help Castle, Haldane just refuses to drop the ‘tude and thus makes it quite hard for us to feel any sympathy towards him.

In her little escape pod, Jane has just woken up with the mother of all hangovers.

While Lynn and Tong are coming back round to that whole “What would Reeve do?” question, they overhear Castle trying to eject the escape pod. Tong has modified the pod to only eject using the controls that are inside the space station. It’s a health and safety nightmare but assuming they don’t actually need to do any escaping for a while then I guess it’s fine. It’s a great shot of Lynn and Tong taunting Castle through the circular window saying, “seems like none of your friends want you back!” Oof. How mean!

Lynn suddenly gets a burst of inspiration from the almighty Reeve. “Friends are everything,” she repeats. Okay, but like I said, it’s not that good of a show, is it?

Here’s Castle and Took’s apartment building in the daytime. A couple of really tiny live action men have been composited into the shot to have an argument next to a lamppost. I also enjoy the smattering of flying vehicles zooming in overhead. In the foreground there’s even a little re-creation of the VidPhone prop often shown on the live action street sets.

Took mournfully clutches her coffee before being interrupted by a call from not-Lynn. Once again, not-Lynn doesn’t have much to actually bargain with so she just makes vague suggestions about Took helping her friend.

Later that night, Took lights the candles on her Tarn shrine and ponders what Jane would want her to do. The shrine is borrowed straight from Sergeant Fredo’s apartment, as seen in The Witness, for a nice little bit of continuity. The shrine’s actual significance is left to the viewer’s imagination here, but it’s relatable for the level-headed Took to seek spiritual guidance at this time. Mary Woodvine acts these quieter, tender moments really well.

Blink and you’ll miss it – here’s a very, very brief appearance from Matt Brogan. No Sally or Liz this week, just a grumpy Matt passing on a message for his father to come home at some point in the next year or so. For Nancy Paul to disappear again after two really solid appearances in The Witness and Hate Street is certainly odd. I would even argue that this episode needs a Brogan family subplot or something to give it a little extra spice. Right now we’re just cutting back and forth between Lynn and the DCPD locked in a stalemate and it’s not exactly the most engaging thing to watch. Also, how come Matt is able to call his dad up on the multi-com? I thought only calls between multi-coms were possible right now? Has Matt been issued with a spare one?

Took arrives for work looking shifty. She doesn’t tell the lads about her call with not-Lynn. There are a lot of scenes in this episode where nothing happens and this is one of them.

Upstairs, Took overhears Podly having a difficult call with his superiors. It’s the same story as before – they won’t negotiate with the KTB and that’s that.

The camera quietly follows Took down the corridor and into the elevator. The expression in Mary Woodvine’s performance and the animatronic operator’s manipulation of the mask is really great. Took’s bottled up fear is very apparent. We’re slowly building towards something and putting a bit of tension back into the episode.

Displeased by his call, Podly collapses into his chair. Jerome Willis takes the opportunity to show us all of Podly’s horrible teeth. Why not?

Despite his earlier failure to keep Reeve locked in his cell, the blonde Creon guard is still on duty. Took arrives with the news that Reeve is being transferred. Blondie doesn’t argue about the lack of paperwork and just does what he’s told regardless of protocol. Ruddy fool.

Yes, it would seem that Took has gone rogue and plans to make the exchange for Castle under her own steam. It’s obviously a big emotional moment for her character as she makes the choice between duty and friendship. Let’s be honest, we don’t know much about Aurelia Took since she’s one of the more easily sidelined regular characters in the show. But the reason for that sidelining is probably the fact that she’s a safe pair of hands. We can always rely on Took to be punctual, dedicated, and badass when called upon. She’s actually such a stable character that I don’t really doubt whether she’s doing the right thing or not here. Frankly, I’m desperate for something to actually happen at this point in the episode. So yeah, go for it, Took. Break all the rules and save your friend. You’ll probably be fine. I’m supposed to feel a lot more tense and unsure about all this, but the plot has bored me into submission a little bit. Here’s hoping Took can save it…

Nah. Brogan very calmly puts the brakes on Took’s plan. Another dead end.

He’s extremely reasonable and plays along with Took’s lie about transferring the prisoner on Captain Podly’s orders, countering with the suggestion that there’s been a change of plan so Reeve just needs to go back in his cell for now. Took accepts defeat gracefully. It’s really nicely played between Ted Shackelford and Mary Woodvine. As the two most sensible characters in the show, it makes sense that Brogan and Took would respect each other enough to avoid an argument.

Meanwhile, Lynn is admiring Castle’s gun… so I’m sure she’s about to make another terrific choice.

A sorrowful Took explains everything to Brogan in the elevator and, of course, it’s all the most standard stuff you can imagine. Took had two hours to free Reeve or Jane would die. None of it is a huge surprise and my goodness is the episode moving through all this business really, really slowly. The performances of people like Mary and Ted are the only thing carrying any of it.

Conversely, I’m afraid Jacqueline Defferary’s performance is losing me. If I have to hear her say “damn cops” in that fake New York accent one more time I might scream. The problem is that her character has reached the point of hysteria far too soon, so there’s no-where else to take the performance. It’s pretty much just Lynn’s nutty tantrums from here on out. Tong insists that there’s still more they can do to free Reeve without killing Castle. Oh please no, please don’t have yet another plan. The plans always suck.

Now they’re going to pump the oxygen out of the escape pod and make the DCPD watch Castle slowly suffocate to death. Haldane has been allowed back into the office despite his earlier dismissal, but he hasn’t exactly calmed down. He smacks the back of Captain Podly’s chair and storms off to take matters into his own hands. We all knew that was where the plot was heading for in the first place, but oh I’m so glad we’ve dragged it out for as long as possible first.

Podly sends Lieutenant Reliable off to calm Haldane down. I actually hope he doesn’t succeed.

Grumpy Jack marches into Reeve’s cell, ready to take a chunk out of the little oik.

Of course this clueless twerp just allows it to happen. It’s as if absolutely everything is above this guy’s pay grade.

There’s no wailing or punching sound effects coming from off-screen. Haldane just quietly steps out of the cell adjusting his badge. It’s a surprisingly classy bit of roughing up. Did he remove the badge as a mark of respect to the institution? Or did he use it to cave in Reeve’s skull? We’ll never know, and I like it that way.

So, Haldane has finally extracted the simple piece of information they need – the location of the KTB hideout on the old communications platform outside quadrant 7. Brogan wants to challenge the ethics of the situation, but Haldane ain’t got time for that. It would be a lot more satisfying if the writers had constructed a situation where Haldane could have gotten his aggression out, obtained the information, AND remained an honorable man. But the writers couldn’t be bothered to come up with such a scenario, so they kept it all off-screen and hoped that we’d reach the correct conclusion ourselves. Alas, without laying the groundwork, it just comes across as lazy writing.

An indicator on the wall lets Castle know how close she is to suffocation. Very reminiscent of the Thunderbirds episode Vault of Death.

One of those scavenger ships from the very beginning of the episode is back. Lynn is wary of it. Tong tells her to relax. What do you think folks? Is this random callback to the beginning of the episode something to be concerned about?

As usual, the special effects department can be relied upon to provide something of interest for the episode. In a very cunning move, the scavenger ship drops off two space-suited men on the deck of the space station with a brilliant mix between little model figures and live action compositing. It’s a great effect and it finally gives me something to get excited about!

The oxygen level reaches the danger zone and Simone Bendix tries to convey an intensified level of suffocation without actually doing or saying anything much. In fact the writers have been very keen on not giving her any dialogue at all for a while now and it’s beginning to feel weird.

Of course, it’s a mystery how they’re able to walk directly on top of a space station rather than float around it in zero-gravity, but try not to let that kind of thinking spoil the shot.

Lynn and Tong are none the wiser about their surprise visitors. Castle continues to embrace her impending oxygen starvation with a surprising amount of dignity and poise.

The moment that the lads gain entry to the airlock is completely ruined by the really, really, really rubbish fake slow motion effect. As we’ve already addressed, Peter Duffell knew how to effectively shoot at high speed. And shooting at high speed to convey zero-gravity is one of the oldest tricks in the book. So why didn’t he put two and two together? Why was Castle’s shooting filmed in real slow motion but not this spacewalk scene that clearly needed it?

While Brogan and Haldane fumble to get their helmets off, Castle awkwardly struggles for her last breath. This scene is begging for some fast-cutting extreme close-ups of Castle to really sell the drama of her suffocation. Rather than relying solely on Simone Bendix’s acting to convey the obviously fake lack of air, some sharp editing and high-energy camera work would have helped considerably with getting across the desperation.

Instead, we just get Lynn and Tong standing around and complaining again.

Wrapped up in foil and ready for the oven, it’s finally time for our heroes to do something heroic…

Oh wait, first we have to do this bit. Lynn turns on Tong because he wants to save Castle. It’s so weird that Lynn has turned into a complete maniac while Tong has remained profoundly average throughout the episode. Neither character journey is particularly interesting. “We’re not friends anymore,” Lynn declares. Yup, that line writes itself I suppose.

Farewell Tong. I hope there’s a nice cuck chair waiting for you in Valhalla.

Brogan and Haldane arrive just a few seconds too late to save Tong. No idea what took them so long. Poor Rob Youngblood is sweating his tush off inside that spacesuit.

Lynn believes that Castle’s already dead but our Jack ain’t having none of that. With only the bare minimum of drama, Haldane rushes to the escape pod, opens the inner and outer door, and finds Castle unconscious inside. This episode is extremely light on action sequences and I’m afraid that’s probably the best one of the bunch.

Haldane decides that violently shaking his colleague back to life is the best strategy. Yeah, no, don’t do that. If ever there was a time when kissing disguised as mouth-to-mouth resuscitation would be applicable, this is pretty much the ideal scenario.

Neatly following up on Brogan’s relationship advice from Hate Street about choosing the person you can’t live without, Haldane expresses that Castle is indeed the person he can’t live without. Unfortunately she’s gasping like a fish out of water right now so the sentiment doesn’t quite land.

Jane wakes up, takes a moment to get her breath back, and then there’s a pause and a moment of recognition between her and Jack. The music swells to a cheesy crescendo. It’s definitely supposed to be a “and now they kiss” moment. But Jack just gives her a peck on the jawline – that well-known romantic sentiment. It’s a bit awkward and not really the pay-off we’ve been working towards. I know it’s a cliché to have the strapping hero rescue the damsel in distress and seal the deal with a great big smooch on the lips… but when you’ve already done 95% of the cliché anyway, you might as well give the people what they want.

But hey, Jane does seem genuinely pleased to see Jack. There is a spark there. The scene still basically works. I’m just a dirty neanderthal who wants to see lip-on-lip action.

Back at the station house, Reeve’s father has arrived but has to wait patiently behind the desk while Carson, Brogan, and Fredo let us all know that the computer system is back online. There’s a groaning noise from the room that Brogan certainly doesn’t appreciate. Honestly, there’s no pleasing some people. They grumble when you turn the mainframe off, and they grumble when you turn it back on. Cor. What a bloomin’ pickle.

Orrin and Romek escort Reeve to the front desk in readiness for his court hearing. Orrin and Romek’s comedy antics were very much confined to the gym scene earlier so there’s no light and fluffy subplot for them to wrap up this week.

Despite his son’s protestations earlier, Glen Pataki has found Reeve a good lawyer. Reeve just swears that he never meant to hurt anybody. While the remorse is good, I’m not really sure I needed to see Reeve and his father start to patch things up here. It would have been more satisfying to end Reeve’s story with him confronting Lynn and admonishing her for tainting their cause with violence. He could have also admitted to his own failure in leadership. And in doing so he could have maintained his belief in the good that they were trying to do despite some deeply misguided methods. Alas, this ending that we actually get for Reeve suggests that he turns away from his principles and trusts in his father’s wealth to save him. With his father’s forgiveness, Reeve can grow up to be a good little capitalist, while his two commie friends rot in their jail cell and grave respectively. Not exactly the conclusion I would have reached for.

Brogan adds insult to injury by feeling sorry for Reeve’s father of all people, explaining that parents do the best they can for their kids but then the rest is down to dumb luck. We’ll just gloss over Reeve specifically stating earlier that his father certainly didn’t do the best he could while he was growing up. Or maybe the message is that Glen Pataki ignored his fatherly responsibility and that’s how Reeve fell into trouble? But Brogan’s point is that there’s ultimately nothing parents can do anyway… Ugh. None of the words in this script feel like they go together properly.

Let’s lighten the mood with Slomo offering to help Haldane do something cute.

In the space of a single scene, Carson has switched from being a computer scientist to a medical doctor advising Castle to stay in bed. I hope they’re paying him two salaries.

Haldane arrives in all his swashbuckling glory. Took departs, giving up on trying to offer Castle any further wisdom.

Jack idly checks whether Jane heard what he said about not being able to live without her. Jane remains coy, not giving the poor Jack a single inch for the moment. It’s funny how they always confess their love for one another in a state of semi-consciousness – see Two Against The Rock.

Slomo arrives doing a ropey impersonation of a French waiter… it comes out sounding South African. An automated trolley arrives carrying dinner, drinks, candles, and a single rose. “If you can’t take Muhammad to the magma wrestling,” Jack declares. So Jane’s suspicions about his dating plans were well-founded. But honestly, I don’t know what she’s complaining about. Magma wrestling sounds bloomin’ epic and profoundly dangerous.

Jane gives in to the sweetness of the gesture and explains that she did indeed hear what Jack said while she was regaining consciousness. Presumably the hope is that she can tempt him to say it again while fully awake.

Instead, Jack burns his fingers and gets all bashful and quiet.

The episode ends with a couple of cute smiles and nothing more. The full blown confessions of love will have to wait for another day… or maybe the relationship will just reset to zero by next week’s episode like it normally does. That would be just my luck.

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Friends starts with a good premise. A group of misguided kids with the best of intentions getting in over their heads and winding up in trouble. That’s got some great potential to tell a different kind of story about social issues. But the trouble starts when the episode needs an antagonist and all it has to offer is the clueless Lynn and the endlessly smug Tong. I think the story needed an irredeemable big bad at the head of the organisation, manipulating Lynn and Tong into jeopardising their cause. Rather than Lynn guessing (badly) at what Reeve would want, there should have been a corrupt figure trying to exploit her for their own malevolent purposes. Instead, Lynn and Tong lurch from one terrible plan to another and the story loses direction, purpose, and pace. Everything slows right down at the halfway point because rescuing Castle can only really be resolved in one satisfying way – lovestruck Haldane rushing in to save the day at the end. Sensible characters like Took, Brogan, and Podly essentially become roadblocks to letting the plot develop in case the episode wraps up too early. The story tries to set up an interesting tangent with Took nearly going rogue but has to bail on it in order to save all the drama for the end. When the resolution finally does come around and Haldane takes control, he’s able to achieve his objective with very little issue.

The script is the main issue with Friends, but there’s also room for improvement on the production side. The fake slow motion that distracts from the action rather than enhancing it really makes the show look cobbled together in a hurry. Also the young guest actors like Jacqueline Defferary and Ben Walden don’t feel supported, and instead seem cast adrift on their own to carry the script by themselves or buckle under the pressure. I admire the vision of setting up a story that focuses on a different age group to Space Precinct’s norm, but I don’t think the production team were inspired by it, and simply allowed the vision to sink into mediocrity. Sorry to end on a bit of a downer. I don’t have many friends.