Space Precinct – 23. The Forever Beetle

The production of The Forever Beetle was curiously nestled in the middle of Space Precinct’s grandest epics – Deathwatch and The Fire Within. While those two-part spectaculars do what they can to push the Space Precinct envelope, The Forever Beetle is more standard fare with just a few hidden gems tucked into the episode for us to uncover. As we’ve come to expect, there’s Brogan family drama aplenty, a tepid romantic subplot, and the occasional bit of actual police work too. It feels appropriate that this penultimate adventure should have so many of the flawed Space Precinct staples we’ve come to love and hate. The Forever Beetle represents the true core of what it means to be nearing the end of a year-long television assembly line. It’s serviceable. It checks all the boxes. And there are only a few bugs in the system…

This is director Peter Duffell’s final contribution to Space Precinct. After this, he helmed two episodes of The Bill in 1996 before retiring from the film and TV industry after 35 years working flat out. When I compare all of his Space Precinct episodes side-by-side: Two Against The Rock, The Witness, Friends, most of Smelter Skelter, and now The Forever Beetle, it’s fair to say he started incredibly strong but could then only maintain a decent standard rather than escalating further. I was hopeful that the breath of fresh air he brought to Two Against The Rock would reinvigorate the whole series and raise everyone else’s game. That didn’t necessarily happen, but I’m sure it wasn’t for lack of trying on Duffell’s part. The Forever Beetle demonstrates his confidence in the show’s cast and ability to get the most out of a profoundly average script. Speaking of which, this episode’s writer is Space Precinct newcomer, Peter Dunne. With extensive writer and producer credits in America, including a 3-year stint on the Ted Shackelford-lead soap opera, Knots Landing, Dunne was probably over-qualified to write for Space Precinct. However, his experience with soap over sci-fi is somewhat reflected in The Forever Beetle and its tendency to keep the science vague and the emotions raw.

Please stay with me on this because things have gotten messy with the “impressive alien slot” in the opening titles recently. Even though it was episode 20 in production order, Part One of Deathwatch completed post-production AFTER episodes 21 and 22, The Fire Within Parts One and Two. Therefore, Dorek Kyyster from The Fire Within was featured in the impressive alien slot for Deathwatch before he’d actually featured in an episode proper. Meanwhile, for The Fire Within, the impressive alien slot continued using the Zwellin from Predator and Prey – first dropped into the title sequence of episode 19, Smelter Skelter. For The Forever Beetle, we’ve reverted back to seeing Kyyster, who will now remain in this slot for the rest of the series. Of course, any normal person who watched the series as intended with Deathwatch and Deathwatch Conclusion back-to-back at the end of the run wouldn’t notice any of this irregularity. But I think we’ve firmly established that I’m not a normal person.

For an episode named after a beetle, you would think said beetle would feature somewhere in the teaser. I’ll be honest though, if you’re only coming to this episode for the beetle you’re gonna be disappointed.

The episode’s working title was ‘Quick Thinking’ but I think you’ll agree that ‘The Forever Beetle‘ sounds more interesting. The show opens in the car park of Dexkor Inc. Don’t worry, I won’t be dragging back my car park shtick from The Fire Within again. Although it certainly looks like the Pyrists are hard at work in the city as more Blade Runner style jets of flame create a hazard for overflying traffic.

The large fuel tank from the Pyrist temple in The Fire Within has been given a fresh coat of grey paint to appear as part of the Dexkor facility. Someone dodgy is breaking in. I assume they’re dodgy anyway. I doubt black balaclavas are a part of the Dexkor uniform.

Space Precinct stunt supremo Glenn Marks gets a rare opportunity to show his face by playing the part of security guard Albert Vint. Alas, it’s not a huge role.

And here’s the beetle. The scientists have helpfully labelled it ‘Forever Beetle’ for the slower viewers at home. It’s a really beautifully made little puppet demonstrating just the bare minimum of movement required.

Call me crazy, but I reckon this guy is going to try and steal the beetle. It’s just a hunch I’ve got.

Apparently one swift tap to the shoulder is enough to bring down the otherwise indestructible Glenn Marks.

Elsewhere, the model workshop have been busy creating this fabulous Demeter Rapid Transit vehicle. It’s essentially a space bus but with a classic New York City cab design. I think it’s fab. When the vehicle designs weren’t hampered by the constraints of being based on real cars, the model team really came up with some fantastic one-off craft for Space Precinct.

Patrick and Sally have started drinking already because parenting is just really hard, okay? Sally’s feet have been nailed to the kitchen floor again and she just needs a quick brewski to drown out the pain.

Matt has brought home a potentially poisonous red dot tarantula. In reality there’s no such species, but I’m sure Altor has all sorts of lovely insect mutations to delight and terrify its residents. On set, the spider was portrayed by both a real-life tarantula supplied by the organisation Animal Actors, and an animatronic double built by Neill Gorton’s team. The family aren’t too thrilled by Matt’s new pet, and Papa Patrick is especially keen that the thing be thrown out on the streets at the earliest opportunity. For Indiana Jones it’s snakes, and for tough-nut Lieutenant Brogan, creepy crawlies are his secret nemesis.

Liz is loving that Matt’s in trouble again and we’re very much facing the kind of Brogan family drama we experienced in early episodes like Double Duty. For some reason I’m finding it a lot less grating here though, and I don’t think it’s just my Stockholm syndrome flaring up. The chemistry that’s now developed between Ted Shackelford, Nancy Paul, Nic Klein, and Megan Olive makes these scenes flow much better than they used to. There’s a lightness to the performances which makes them fun, rather than a chore. The scene’s placement in the structure of the episode helps too. We’re pretty much kicking the story off with this, rather than introducing the Brogan family partway through the episode and bringing the whole adventure to a halt for them.

Speaking of interruptions, there’s a giant man at the door and he’s come to steal the children.

Yup, you go right ahead with the kidnapping, mister. I won’t stop you.

Nah, he’s no child snatcher. This is Patrick’s old friend, Tommy Murphy, who has dropped by unannounced. He requests a refreshment, so long as it isn’t milk – a reference to Brogan’s fondness for cow juice which was originally brought up by Erika Brandt in Hate Street. Murphy is played by Sam Douglas, a British actor whose film, TV, and theatre career has straddled the UK and the US, with parts in Batman (1989), Mission: Impossible (1996), and Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2022).

The youngsters battle furiously to make their guest feel welcome. Clearly, Uncle Murph’ brings out the childish sides of Matt and Liz – which is funny considering we’re at the tail-end of the series and the kids seem to have matured into teenagers quite a bit since the initial episodes.

Patrick and Sally have one of those chats that couples always have to have when an unexpected visitor shows up. “He can’t stay,” Sally asserts in her one-dimensional killjoy mom way. So, Patrick is left to politely tell his friend to naff off for no apparent reason. In case you’d forgotten, we’re in a futuristic space show full of aliens and crime. There’s nothing wrong with a bit of kitchen sink drama, but this probably isn’t the high octane stuff that Space Precinct viewers were after. Earlier Anderson series like Thunderbirds and Stingray thrived on their homey slice of life scenes, of course, but we all know that Space Precinct has a tendency to over indulge.

Poor Uncle Murph’ has nowhere to stay and the kids don’t want him to go… so Sally immediately relents and agrees to let him stick around. All very charming, family-friendly fun with the actors placing their tongues firmly in their cheeks.

In the privacy of their bed chamber, the polite facade drops and Sally has changed her mind again. She wants Murphy out. We’re into farcical sitcom territory at this point. Murphy might be a family friend but apparently his presence in the Brogans’ home always causes arguments. We all have a Murphy in our lives, don’t we? The Brogans are such a gosh-darn relatable family.

But while he’s getting ready for bed, Murphy reveals that he’s not just a terrible house guest… but a bug thief! It’s a refreshingly simple setup for an episode. Sure, it’s not all that original for the stranger in town to also be the bad guy, but to have him staying in the safety of the Brogan family home is a nice extra twist on the familiar format.

Some time later, Podly and Fredo can be found chatting with an unusual amount of trepidation. Brogan is interrogating someone without a lawyer present. He’s whispering too. It’s all a bit odd. The scene is obviously trying to set Brogan up as a bit of a loose cannon, which just isn’t who the character is in my mind. Brogan can act tough when he needs to, but as an audience I think we need to see our hero driven to going off-piste after trying all reasonable methods first. Today, he’s playing bad cop right out of the gate. “Damn!” declares Captain Podly, as if Brogan does this sort of thing all the time… which he doesn’t.

So, what’s Brogan getting so worked up about? He’s even pulled out a desk lamp with an extra hot light bulb for dramatic effect. The lieutenant plays a 911 call from a woman getting attacked in her apartment. There’s an intruder who’s robbed her of a mere 27 credits to buy drugs. Brogan speculates that said drugs came from this vaguely alien-looking fellow named Amory Wolf. He doesn’t look remotely bothered to have Brogan raging in his ear. Wolf is played by Constantine Gregory, an American actor and dialect coach whose work includes GoldenEye (1995), The Last Emperor (1987), and providing the voice of Barry Hercules for the English dub of X-Bomber (1982).

Podly, Fredo, and Wolf’s attorney, Drover Pike, have arrived to curtail Brogan’s shenanigans. Pike is outraged on behalf of his client. Brogan looks like he has more important things to worry about than following correct legal procedure.

While the apprehended addict claims to have bought his drugs from Wolf, the thoroughly bored suspect says he doesn’t recognise the photo and that he’s never sold drugs. And at that point, the lawyer puts an end to Brogan’s line of questioning. This is apparently the third time in a month that one of these dead-end interrogations has taken place. I guess Brogan’s planning to thoroughly inconvenience the creep into confessing.

Podly agrees to let Wolf go, but not before Brogan can play the victim’s 911 call one more time for dramatic effect. “It’s not your word that bothers me. It’s hers,” he concludes. This goes some way to explaining Brogan’s methods. He’s trying to stick up for the innocent – protocol be damned. After three unsuccessful conversations with Wolf, you can appreciate Brogan getting worked up. Then again though, you’d also expect him to work a bit smarter.

Podly politely but firmly warns Brogan to give it a rest before Wolf has him killed. Yup, Podly is well aware that Wolf is a crook but evidently feels that the police can’t do anything about it. We all know that’s just the sort of challenge Brogan likes. His motives now make a bit more sense, so overall I think the scene works. Curiously, the order of events for this episode was originally supposed to play out differently. Brogan’s interrogation of Wolf was initially planned to come before Murphy’s heist on Dexkor Laboratories. The swap was presumably made to give the episode a more thrilling opening.

Elsewhere, Orrin and Romek are discussing Slamball – the sport of Space Precinct which is oft-mentioned but never seen. It’s probably spectacular, and therefore beyond the realms of the show’s budget.

With no more vacations to New Hawaii planned or whacky space cults to infiltrate, Officer Haldane is finally back at his desk today to tackle some paperwork after two episodes away. Rob Youngblood’s really let his hair grow out, hasn’t he? It was during the production of The Forever Beetle that Rob Youngblood and Simone Bendix had to go back and reshoot the family-friendly version of the electrical box scene from Illegal, complete with Rob’s extra-luscious locks.

Haldane being Haldane, he glides over to Castle’s desk and pesters her to do his paperwork for him.

“It’s what you’re good at,” he jests.

“You have no idea what I’m good at,” she counters, with a bucket-load of innuendo. Oh my. We like a bit of spice.

It’s probably worth noting that some time has passed between the prior interrogation scene and now. This would have been more obvious if the lab raid scene had played out in between as originally intended. Podly informs Brogan that the apprehended drug-fueled attacker has just been found dead in an alley as a result of an overdose. Wolf evidently paid the addict’s bail as a result of Brogan sharing his picture in the earlier scene. Podly warns Brogan again to tread carefully.

Fredo has assignments to hand out. The bug heist, or a brawl at a sports bar. The ‘A’ plot, or the ‘B’ plot. Yes, it really is that transparent.

Haldane initially offers to take the ‘B’ plot and head for the bar. Well, that can’t be right, surely? Castle and Took assert that two female officers are perfectly capable of handling a fight at a bar and take the ‘B’ plot for themselves. The writers get to have their slightly sexist cake and eat it – putting the female characters in what sounds like the more exciting, proactive role… but also relegating them to a secondary role in the overall story. Oh, and Haldane suggests that the women are frightened of bugs anyway, so it really is a case of one step forward and two steps back.

Brogan’s just enjoying the banter… and trying to not to think too hard about the creepy crawlies.

Randall Butler’s pickup truck is among the vehicles parked outside Dexkor Inc. Sorry. I promise that’s the last of the car park stuff.

Jack Haldane’s just a nine-year-old boy at heart, so he’s obviously thrilled to be looking at all the insect specimens in the lab. Brogan, on the other hand, can’t hide his disgust. Will he get to face his fear? Weirdly, no. You would think establishing that the lead character is afraid of bugs would lead to a climax where he ultimately has to tangle with a bug… but that doesn’t happen.

Carson is here, this week fulfilling the role of a crime scene investigator in addition to his other vaguely scientific duties. Brogan doesn’t look terribly pleased to see him but I’m sure it’s nothing personal. Carson reminds us that there was a forced entry and the security guard is missing. Pretty straightforward stuff, and the audience watching at home is obviously well aware of what actually happened so we can breeze through the formality of this quite fast.

A scientist by the name of Dr. Long shuffles up to Brogan and Haldane to introduce himself as the lab’s project leader. It’s Space Precinct regular Andy Dawson under the mask, but Gerry Anderson fans will rejoice to hear the character’s voice being provided by Supermarionation legend, David Graham. From Four Feather Falls to Thunderbirds, David Graham was the man of a million voices who portrayed beloved characters such as Dr. Beaker in Supercar, Professor Matic in Fireball XL5, and Parker in Thunderbirds. Today, he’s bringing a hint of Brains to his dubbing of Dr. Long. Given the range of his talents, it’s surprising that David Graham wasn’t handed more roles in Space Precinct to re-voice.

Dr. Long explains to the lads that the lost bug, the eponymous Forever Beetle, was the focus of his work. The example that was stolen was the last surviving female of the species. Haldane is impressed to discover that the lil’ creature was hiding itself away for 17 years before the scientists stepped in. Brogan is just putting on a brave face.

Apparently the beetle will ultimately turn into a butterfly… which isn’t a particularly beetle thing to do. Remember what I said about Peter Dunne being more of a soap writer than a sci-fi specialist? This is the sort of nonsense I was driving at. Anyway, Dr. Long rules out the suggestion that the security guard, Albert Vint, stole the bug because… well, we all saw that’s not what happened so why drag the conversation out any longer than necessary?

We shift from one hefty dump of exposition to another as Dr. Long shows the officers a video presentation demonstrating the other purpose of the research project beyond preserving the species. The test subject, Sena M, is portrayed by Kiran Shah, who previously played Estes Fredo in The Witness and is, in fact, wearing the exact same mask again. Sena M was born with some fingers missing, and the experiment involved giving her a drug to encourage cellular regeneration…

And boy howdy, it sure worked. Five new digits in fifteen days. I don’t think you need me to tell you how the production team pulled off this particular illusion.

“My god!” announces Brogan. Ted Shackelford is a master of delivering terrible dialogue with conviction.

So here’s what it all adds up to. This miracle drug was found in the womb of the Forever Beetle, so that’s probably why it’s been stolen. The cops immediately suspect some industrial espionage from Dexkor’s pharmaceutical competitors. It’s a ludicrously bog-standard plot that we already know Brogan’s friend Murphy is responsible for. I promise the episode does have slightly more to give than just this.

The ‘A’ plot for the episode is almost so straightforward that it makes the ‘B’ plot at The Sports Pit more interesting by default. Viewers with a keen ear will recognise the generic music blaring from the bar from the episode Predator and Prey. Now, let’s see what Castle and Took are up against…

Would we classify this as a brawl? I’d say it’s more of a scuffle. I think I can see a wonky picture frame on the wall and a few upturned chairs. Castle politely asks the patrons to “break it up.” Once again I have to point out that Simone Bendix brings many strengths to the role of Castle, but intimidation isn’t usually one of them.

The bartender, played by Alexa Rosewood, isn’t remotely bothered about any of it. “Men can be so aggressive,” she mumbles into her drink. There’s a pennant flag behind the bar for the ‘Megalon Snakes’ to reference the planet Megalon 7, the semi-regularly mentioned home world of the Bag Lady from Double Duty.

Officer Castle doesn’t need to do all that much police work to find the main perpetrator.

Meet Thunder Cole. We’ll learn exactly who he is in a moment, but from his hideous jacket, big build, and smug expression, we can determine that he’s a bit of a jock who thinks he can sweet talk his way around Castle. Thunder is played by former professional boxer, Glenn McCrory. After winning the International Boxing Federation Cruiserweight title in 1989, McCrory prepared for his retirement from the sport by taking a punt at acting. He picked up a smattering of small TV roles in the 90s, and Space Precinct was happy to have his rather limited talents on board. He’s been re-voiced, which I can’t imagine hurt the performance in this particular case.

This late in the series, it’s quite rare for us to get new establishing shots of the station house. Presumably the model was pulled out of storage for the climactic moments of The Fire Within last week and the effects team decided to also get some more stock shots for good measure.

Castle and Took are oblivious to the fact that they’ve just detained the number one Slamball player in the history of the universe, Thunder Cole. We’re in pure Space Precinct comedy subplot territory if you hadn’t already noticed. Fredo is good enough to blab Thunder’s name to the entire station house…

The pasty, unphotogenic men of the 88th look up from their work, aghast to find someone so, so much more handsome than themselves standing on their doorstep.

Castle calculates the enormity of her faux pas as the room gawps and gasps at her and the man she’s arrested.

Slamball superfans Orrin and Romek step forward to dramatically undermine Castle’s authority, insisting that she’s made a mistake. “Big deal,” she mumbles. Simone Bendix is doing a terrific job with the one-liners this week.

While Thunder pleases the adoring crowd of officers and criminals alike, it’s Haldane who really drives home the star power of the Slamball pro. Again, Castle’s authority is trampled when Haldane suggests she never should have gone to the bar and tries to apologise to Thunder on behalf of the entire department. If there’s one thing Haldane keeps screwing up in his pursuit of Castle, it’s failing to treat her like a professional. We’ve seen him learn the lesson many, many times… but it’s episodic television so he has to keep making the mistake over and over again.

Castle is, of course, smart enough to press on with locking up Thunder anyway. The quarrel between Jack and Jane is destined to last forever.

Patrick Brogan is not so easily swept up in the Thunder Cole mania. Instead, he gets to answer a call from his nagging wife about kicking Murphy out. We really have come right back to where we started with Sally. She began the series as a frustrated housewife trapped in the kitchen, constantly interrupting her husband’s work day to discuss their home life. The writers eventually evolved her into a character with a wicked sense of humour and valuable medical skills that made her an asset to both the police and the plot. Now, Sally’s back to offering nothing but complaints.

Murphy has unexpectedly dropped by to borrow Brogan’s car, but leaves Patrick no time to give his pal those Sally-mandated marching orders.

Brogan explains to Haldane that Murphy is an old friend… his best friend in fact. This rubs poor Jack up the wrong way. After 23 episodes and all those rip-roaring adventures, you’d think Haldane would be Brogan’s best friend. But no. All this time Brogan’s been cheating on him with another man. A sarcastic “oh” is all Haldane can muster to disguise the shattering of his heart.

I promise we will get back to something resembling the main plot eventually, but first we get a slice of comedy gold from Orrin and Romek which is ad-libbed by Lou Hirsch and Richard James. The two chaps are utterly starstruck by their encounter with Thunder Cole.

“I model myself on him, you know,” announces Orrin.

“… Why don’t you get a life, Orrin?” concludes Romek, with the most spectacular comedy timing the series has witnessed so far.

Oh yeah, it’s Space Precinct. Something dramatic should probably be happening.

Brogan’s hopper has inexplicably exploded in the docking bay. That’s quite the pivot. I shouldn’t laugh, but this is the third of Brogan’s ruddy cars that’s been destroyed over the course of the series! The first one hit an asteroid at the end of Body & Soul, the second was toasted in a collision just a couple of weeks ago in The Fire Within Part One, and now we’ve lost the third. Curiously though, this isn’t the yellow hopper that we saw Brogan driving in the second part of The Fire Within. We’re back to the green one. To be fair, it’s surrounded by flames and carefully shot so we don’t particularly notice the colour, but what we can see is definitely green. It’s also fair to say that the production haven’t just destroyed the main live action prop. The fire has been strategically positioned on camera to look more intense than it actually is. More important than the car is the fact that Brogan’s old buddy, Murphy, is presumed dead. A great cliffhanger as we head into the commercial break.

Back at home, a somber Patrick is contemplating the loss of his friend. He studies a photograph which I assume was specially staged featuring Ted Shackelford and Sam Douglas fishing on what was probably the Pinewood backlot.

Patrick recalls the dares that he and Murphy used to get each other to do. From bike stunts as kids, to the revelation that Murphy could never find a wife of his own that would measure up to Sally. Young Matt quietly listens in as his father truly bares his soul. Murphy had an unspoken pact to look after the Brogan family if something ever happened to Patrick.

We could argue back and forth about whether Space Precinct was the right show for scenes as emotional as this. I was caught off-guard by it because the stoic Brogan rarely gets time to shed a tear during the course of his action-packed police investigations. In the grand scheme of things, I don’t think Space Precinct needed more pathos. The show was having enough of an identity crisis without us also taking moments to dive inside the character’s heads to rummage around. Others might say that’s exactly the kind of depth the series was lacking. I think exploring only the occasional glimmer of vulnerability is enough.

But, as a one-off, I have to say this scene is something really special. There can be no doubt that Ted Shackelford was a committed performer who could conjure up real emotion from the material upon request. According to Richard James’ book, Ted would reportedly shrug this sort of thing off as ‘soap acting,’ as if it wasn’t legitimate. Well, however he may have tried to frame it, I think the finished product speaks for itself. Maybe on paper Ted Shackelford’s soap opera career made him an odd choice to lead a major science fiction series, but in practice I think he brought all the experience necessary to make the character of Lieutenant Patrick Brogan shine on-screen.

I’ve sometimes criticised Nancy Paul’s performances for lacking commitment when the material isn’t there for her on the page… which happens frequently because, let’s be honest, Sally Brogan is written atrociously across the series. This scene once again doesn’t offer Sally much to do on paper. It’s Patrick’s scene. Sally’s just there, as she often is, to offer support. But Nancy Paul elects to step up and go for it anyway – no doubt swept up in the performance that Ted Shackelford was offering. Acting is reacting, and Nancy is doing everything that Ted is doing in terms of committing real emotion to the scene, but without the added benefit of actual words to say out loud. In some ways that’s a harder job. I don’t blame Nancy Paul for not always bringing 100% to the series. The writers and producers sure weren’t giving her 100% either. But when she’s given the goods, Nancy delivers.

Matt is disturbed by the revelation that the bomb in the hopper was probably meant for his father. Nic Klein also does a sterling job playing the emotion of the scene without a line of dialogue.

Back at work, Brogan isn’t in the best of moods when Carson comes to give his opinion on the explosion. As ever, Carson’s scientific analysis is remarkably vague. He says that it was a “lousy bomb” which left so much mess behind that it must have been the work of an amateur. It’s a bit of a leap, but sure, why not? Podly has already pulled in Amory Wolf for further interrogation, but…

The assignment has been handed over to Castle and Took because, frankly, they’re professionals who won’t get too riled up.

Speaking of which, Brogan storms off in a huff. Even Haldane agrees that the lieutenant is too personally involved. It’s always a special day when Jack is the mature one.

As if Castle and Took haven’t been undermined enough already this week, Brogan comes along and insists on taking Wolf back inside for a more thorough interrogation. Wolf agrees to go back in without his lawyer, leaving Castle and Took to fetch Mr. Pike some coffee.

Constantine Gregory has decided that his character likes to stick his tongue out at any given opportunity. Somehow, that technique actually succeeds in making him more threatening. Wolf, the fat-tongued creep, explains to Brogan that there are a great many reasons why the hopper explosion was nothing to do with him. Wolf implies that he knows how to rig up a bomb without making a mess, and that Brogan has a great many other small-time enemies who would be much keener to take on the risk of blowing him up. However, he still wants to scare Brogan, so he doesn’t rule out the possibility that he would try a similar assassination attempt of his own if the lieutenant isn’t too careful. Essentially he’s saying he wouldn’t bother to blow Brogan up… but also that he totally would. Ultimately, this is all meaningless because the Amory Wolf strand of the plot is dropped right here. There’s nothing more from him for the rest of the episode. Is he ever brought to justice for the crimes he’s blatantly committed? We’ll never know.

So, taking Wolf’s advice, Brogan asks Romek to print out a big long list detailing hundreds of other enemies that might try to toast his butt. How could that many people dislike our Patrick? If defies belief.

Captain Subplot arrives to see Officer Orrin. Apparently “the ‘O’ man” convinced The Sports Pit to drop all charges against Thunder, and now the Slamball star is here to deliver free game tickets as a thank you. Yes, who’d have thought good ol’ Officer Orrin would be involved in a spot of police corruption?

But I think we all knew that Orrin wasn’t the only person Thunder was keen on at the 88th. He’s clutching some more tickets as he heads for Castle’s desk. Haldane, of course, takes more than a casual interest. Castle immediately announces her disdain for Slamball – which isn’t too surprising seeing as she didn’t have a clue who the number one player is.

Orrin and Romek are horrified by Castle’s flippancy but Thunder has another trick up his sleeve. The burly brute is interested in taking Jane out to dinner. Even Brogan looks up from his work. Everyone and their grandmother waits with bated breath to hear Jane’s response to the invitation. The long pause is beautifully ridiculous. I’m so glad Peter Duffell had the good humour to take this load of drivel and play the comedy of it for absolutely all it was worth. The plot of the episode is so wafer thin that you might as well pad out the funny bits.

The whole office might be watching, but there’s only one person whose opinion really matters to Jane… and he’s been a bit of a twerp to her so far this week. Not a mega-twerp. Just a little bit. All the declarations of genuine affection from prior episodes count for nothing. Right now, Officer Castle is in the mood to break a heart…

So, she agrees to have dinner with the gorilla. Does she like him? Nah, obviously not. This is purely an exercise in engineering jealousy. Very healthy. Jane can be just as emotionally stunted as Jack when she wants to be. She’s probably earned that right after all this time.

Brogan joins us in having a bit of a mocking smirk at Haldane, who forces himself back to work to hide his seething rage. I always enjoy when Brogan weighs in on these lighter moments. He’s a regular guy who enjoys a good bit of gossip like the rest of us.

ZIL??!! Where the ever-lasting flip have you been? Just to refresh your memory, Zil was essentially Liz Brogan’s emotional support animal in the early part of the series. The furry critter disappeared from the series after episode 10, Seek and Destroy, presumably on account of how ruddy annoying the bug-eyed fluff-ball was with its constant squawking. This is damning evidence, if anything further was needed, that Peter Dunne has written his script based on the first few episodes of Space Precinct rather than the more recent, superior quality stuff. The Zil puppet looks like it’s been kept in a cupboard for the last seven months… because it has. Seek and Destroy wrapped filming on October 3rd 1994. It’s now April 1995.

Matt Brogan, like his father before him, enjoys a cool glass of milk while his demented co-star twitches and squeals in the background. I have not missed that noise.

Matt sits down at his desk to do a spot of homework and play with his tarantula. So much for getting rid of the thing as his parents requested. He feeds the critter a cookie in order to breed the first spider with diabetes.

But Matt’s cheerful alone-time is interrupted by every kid’s worst nightmare – strangers in the house. They’re smashing the place up in a desperate hunt for the beetle. Remember the beetle? Yeah, it’s been a while since the actual plot reared its ugly head.

Matt’s spider goes for a walk but that’s not exactly the most pressing issue right now.

Quiet you, or it’s back to the dirty cupboard.

Matt does the sensible thing of hiding under the bed and hoping he won’t get hurt. The only trouble is that the poisonous spider has joined him down there too. Whoops.

The crooks burst into Matt’s room and tear it apart. All the while, Matt has to silently try and keep the tarantula away from him by blowing air on it. The tension is ramped up really nicely! I really feel Matt’s fear as he’s surrounded by threats on all sides. The tone is just right for Space Precinct – scary, but not gratuitous. The spider finally scoots past Matt – never to be seen again for the rest of the episode. The crooks, Nardo and Rupp played by Wayne Forester and Rob Thirtle, hear an airlock opening. Time to get out.

The goons escape through the french windows, stepping on a delightful wedding photo of Patrick and Sally for good measure. Poor Matt is left to sob under his bed. It’s just another traumatic childhood memory to add to the list.

Later, Officer Carson and the full force of the DCPD have come to investigate. Brogan is clearly itching to give his colleague a hard time again. But with nothing missing from the apartment, the lieutenant has to agree with Carson that the goons’ only intention was to wreck the place. Another great bit of deduction from Officer Science.

In the kitchen, Matt’s being brave and surrendering his mind to the wonders of Tarn memory-fit technology. Despite his brief glimpse at the criminals, the computer is able to construct a good likeness from the mental image in Matt’s mind. It’s a really nifty bit of kit.

At the 88th, it’s the morning after Castle’s dinner date with Thunder Cole and the whole gang are eager to hear the gossip. It didn’t go well. Took fulfills the vital function of handing Castle pieces of paper to electronically stamp while she tells the story. It turns out Thunder spent more time entertaining the other restaurant patrons than he did chatting to Jane. Before the food even arrived, she made her feelings known. Thunder called her uptight and made a suggestion about what she “needed.” You can imagine. So, Castle slapped him.

The tale brings great amusement to the crowd, and total horror to Orrin and Romek. Castle keeps her cool, but does seem to be getting quite tired of all the judgement. It’s not exactly her style to be so public.

Haldane missed the story and wanders over for a recap. “Terrible” is the one-word summary that Castle offers. But hey, I’m sure Jack will offer some kind and considerate sympathy to the woman he probably loves…

Nope. He says exactly the same thing as Thunder and she responds by aggressively stamping his hand. We’re still going for comedy here. With one-and-a-half episodes of the series to go, I think my hopes of Jack and Jane getting together in a satisfying and meaningful way are rapidly fading. Never say never, but I’m not confident that the writers have it in them.

Fredo comes over to get the plot back on track. It’s become his primary function at this point. He explains that Brogan is waiting in the cruiser to go and catch the two home-intruders.

Brogan and Haldane make a quick jaunt into the city. An alternative take of a shot from Seek and Destroy is recycled to show the cruiser landing.

It’s been a few episodes since a typical street set has had to be constructed for the series. It’s fair to say the design department haven’t lost their knack for making Demeter City look like a cardboard theatre set from a particularly ambitious high-school production. It’s passable.

While Haldane makes quick work of Rupp, Nardo takes off down the street and Brogan is left to elegantly dodge a blaster shot. Setting this scene at night probably would have made it a bit more dramatic, but Ted Shackelford tries his best to make things look tense regardless.

Haldane rushes off to help Brogan, leaving this chap handcuffed to a handy VidPhone. I can’t say those props have ever struck me as sturdy enough to withstand a grown man tugging away underneath…

Without too much fuss, Brogan apprehends Nardo as he feebly attempts to climb a fence. These clearly aren’t the most experienced or dangerous criminals that we’ve encountered.

Brogan’s getting rough again. Similar to Time To Kill, and to a more clunky extent Smelter Skelter, Brogan’s friends and family have been threatened so it’s driven him to more extreme means of persuasion. If the bad guys use violence, he responds in kind. The key is that Brogan plays fair and shouldn’t be the first to resort to harsh methods.

Haldane arrives and attempts in vain to calm Brogan down. Nardo spills the beans. Murphy had exploded before being able to deliver the Forever Beetle to Dexkor’s competitor, Zana Pharmics. So, Nardo and Rupp were employed by Zana to try and snatch the bug from Brogan’s apartment, only to find nothing. None of this is a massively surprising twist, but you get what they were going for. It’s a dramatic enough reveal as Brogan learns that his friend Murphy was a thief. And hey, it’s fairly well timed at exactly two-thirds of the way through the episode, so that’s something. Sometimes competently structuring your script gets you pity points on the Security Hazard blog.

Haldane takes Nardo away, leaving Brogan to moodily contemplate his old buddy’s betrayal.

Then, Sally comes home to find a gun in Matt’s drawer. It’s fair to say I wasn’t expecting that. This, again, feels more soap opera than sci-fi. Should the focus of the story really be Matt’s shocking methods for coping with trauma? I’d argue that it’s a tangent too far. Once you start diving too deep into the psychological impact of the various scrapes that Space Precinct characters get into, you’re opening a can of worms. But hey, it gives Sally something to get upset about so we’d better run with it.

Tweedledee and Tweedledum are handed over to Fredo, Orrin, and Romek for chucking in a jail cell. Haldane then asks Fredo to explore Zana Pharmics’ bank account for suspicious transactions. While everyone else does all the work I imagine Brogan and Haldane are going for a coffee.

Further plot revelations come in Podly’s office and this time they’re a bit more meaty. Podly reads through Murphy’s criminal record for petty theft, while Haldane announces that Zana Pharmics made a 5000 credit withdrawal the day before the hopper explosion. But it’s Carson who’s got the big scoop here…

Officer Science reveals that the blood stains in the burnt out hopper belonged to Albert Vint, the missing Dexkor security guard from the beginning of the episode, not Murphy. “MURPHY’S ALIVE??” Brogan blurts out incredulously. More of Ted Shackelford’s ‘soap acting’ coming in handy there. The dramatic zoom-in is a bit much.

Yikes. This static snap might look pretty, but when seen in motion this effects shot is rather janky. The stars judder as the suburb space station moves away from camera. At first I suspected a very rare upscaling error on the Blu-ray, but since it’s also an issue on the original DVD release I believe what we’re seeing is actually an original production error caused by the motion control rig.

Nancy Paul finally gets to have her go at acting her socks off when Sally shares the gun news with Patrick. His first instinct is to punish Matt for breaking the rules, but Sally calls on her husband to think more deeply about the problem. “You’re gonna deal with me first,” she snaps with understated power. Sally pours her heart out, balancing rage with sadness as she explains that Matt wasn’t rebelling against house rules, but doing what he thought was right to protect his family and to do right by his father.

It’s a terrific performance from Nancy Paul, but I feel like Sally’s feelings are another relic of early Space Precinct that’s been retired in more recent episodes. Initially, the show established that Patrick feared Matt’s rebellious streak and all the evil ways Demeter City might corrupt him. Sally would chastise her husband for being too remote of a figure in their kids’ lives and that Patrick should make more of an effort to understand them before casting doubt. Episodes like Body & Soul and Two Against The Rock ran with this and showed Patrick and Matt developing a healthier relationship based on a mutual respect. As a result, Matt matured and Patrick softened. The kids haven’t featured so much recently, but even in the first part of The Fire Within, the parents could be found having a very honest and mature conversation with Matt and Liz about respecting religious beliefs. It seemed to me like the writers were keen to portray more positive parenting norms instead of old-fashioned authoritarian tropes, and actually took steps to develop this naturally across the series. I therefore can’t help but notice that we’re right back to where we started with Patrick being too hard on Matt and Sally jumping in to criticise his parenting. Is it lazy writing? Or is it intentional? Are the characters’ old habits dying hard when the stakes are raised?

Ultimately, Patrick does heed his wife’s words and tenderly shares a moment with his sleeping son, feeling mournful rather than angry. I think that means we’re back on course.

The next day, the combined minds of Brogan, Podly, and to a lesser extent Haldane, are coming up with some clever thinking. They deduce that Murphy faked his death in order to hold onto the money from Zana Pharmics, bide his time, and use the opportunity to sell the Forever Beetle right back to Dr. Long at Dexkor.

Brogan comes downstairs and asks Orrin to find some information. We’re not privy to what that information is exactly. Only the ‘O’ man gets to know about such things.

On his way out the door, Haldane shares something of a frosty, split-second moment with Castle. Good to keep that subplot bubbling away under the surface.

In the cruiser, more clever thinking comes to Brogan and Haldane. They reason that Murphy planned to use Brogan as the perfect police witness to fake his death. Brogan also suspects that there was definitely something more to Murphy choosing to sleep on his couch… but there’s nearly ten minutes of the episode left so nobody can figure that one out just yet.

Took and Castle share a moment to despair over the limited emotional intelligence of human males. Took explains that Tarn men have the capacity to be more vulnerable and honest lovers… before Fredo walks in right on cue. I don’t think that was intended to be funny, but I laughed. The sergeant has news of another bar room brawl at The Sports Pit and offers Castle and Took first dibs. Because when you run out of subplot, you just try the same one all over again.

Orrin calls up the lads with that all-important information. Dexkor Pharmaceuticals went to the bank and made a massive withdrawal this morning. I start most mornings with a massive deposit, so that’s something.

I’m beginning to think that the manager of The Sports Pit doesn’t know what a brawl is. Everything looks fine. Better than fine. It looks quiet.

Castle finds this wazzock leaning against the wall trying to call the shots. Thunder repeats his claims that Castle is uptight and needs him to do something for her. Reach the top shelf in the kitchen? Mend a sewage leak? Enter a vegetable lookalike competition on her behalf? I’m struggling to see what else Castle could possibly need from you.

While Castle chats to the moron, Took is once again left to do the actual police work and finds a woman hiding in the back with big cuts and bruises across her face. Thunder would appear to be the one responsible. The dialogue is kept quite vague because the implications are far too heavy for a family show.

Castle carts Thunder Cole off to jail once again. Well, that peppy comedy subplot took a dark turn, didn’t it?

Over at Dexkor, Dr. Long does indeed have a case full of cash ready to hand over for Murphy’s beetle. Brogan, finally working through the plot at a decent speed, calls up Carson to find out which parts of the apartment Murphy’s prints were found in. They narrow it down to Matt’s bedroom closet. That’s where the beetle is.

Brogan’s off to save the day now. It really is that simple.

Sure enough, Murphy is frantically searching Matt’s room and scaring the poor kid something rotten. The beetle’s box is there, but the bug is gone.

Matt nervously offers to help search, but Uncle Murph’ turns nasty…

… and Papa Brogan doesn’t like that. That’s essentially the big dramatic climax of the episode. It’s not exactly action-packed. The story just runs out there. We do get some quality ‘soap acting’ from Ted Shackelford though when the dreadful script forces him to decree: “I trusted you Murphy. I cried for you. You were my friend.”

Sam Douglas as Murphy doesn’t help the pathos by pulling these misjudged frog faces every so often.

Now where, oh where, did that gosh-darn beetle end up? Stay tuned for that thrilling revelation once we finish tying up some other loose ends.

The first order of business is Podly dipping into the department’s insurance fund to buy Brogan a new hopper. His fourth one by my count. Will there be a fifth by the end of the series? There’s only one episode to go, but I’m quietly confident. Brogan reflects and considers the ways he would cover up for Murphy’s bad behaviour throughout their friendship, and how Murphy ultimately tried to take advantage of that. Podly concludes that cops “have to live with things that other people would sweep under the carpet.” Very profound.

The disgraced Thunder Cole is paying his bail. He’s not so popular around the station house these days. Orrin and Romek shun the sleazebag. It’s the ultimate humiliation.

Haldane enjoys this very much.

In that spirit, Jack tries to right a few wrongs with Jane. He asks for Took to be a witness and grabs the stamp which wounded him for safety. He offers a full and frank apology for making assumptions about Jane. It’s terribly adorable.

Castle swans off before Haldane can ask her out to dinner, leaving Took to teach him another lesson about making assumptions. Well, that neatly ties that up I suppose. We’re still trapped in the never-ending love loop of pain and redemption which will ensnare Jack Haldane and Jane Castle for all eternity… unless a miracle occurs next week.

Back at Brogan HQ, we get this very touching little scene with Patrick tucking his teenage son into bed. They’re both well aware and perfectly comfortable with how silly and emotionally vulnerable it makes them feel. Matt apologises for bringing the gun home, but Patrick follows the logic of his son’s actions perfectly. He reasons that it was dangerous and illegal, but that Matt acted naturally in a situation he shouldn’t have been placed in to begin with. This scene definitely eases my concerns about the father/son relationship slipping back into an unhealthy place. They address a difficult issue with incredible empathy in both directions. The actual issue of gun safety in the home is probably a bit too real for a show like Space Precinct to be tackling, but I appreciate everyone focusing their efforts on at least getting the characters right in this moment, regardless of the topic.

But Matt’s not all wisdom and maturity, remember? He’s a cheeky rascal too, and asks for his bravery to be rewarded. Patrick promises some extra pocket money if the boy cleans his desk. How delightfully wholesome.

Matt goes to sleep with a contented smile. How 90s is that ruddy duvet cover?

Oh yeah, the Forever Beetle is hiding on the ridiculous golden eagle statue pinned to Matt’s all-American bedroom wall.

Patrick finishes up his night by telling Sally that he’s thinking about Murphy’s life sentence in prison and weighing it up with how lucky he is to be with his family… and I’m desperately avoiding a joke about the two experiences being one and the same. Oops. I guess I couldn’t avoid it. Oh well.

Then the beetle turns into a dodgy CGI butterfly and wobbles across the room to land silently on Matt’s pillow. Definitely not the finest special effect the series has to offer. It’s supposed to give you a warm, fuzzy feeling inside, I suppose. That butterfly will probably be there all night. It’s not like it can fly out the window. We are supposed to be in space after all.

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The Forever Beetle is harmless enough. What it tries to do (which isn’t very much), it does well. I think giving Ted Shackelford and Nancy Paul an opportunity to flex their acting muscles is the best thing this episode has to offer. There’s really not much plot, so falling back on a few strong scenes for your lead actors to sink their teeth into isn’t a bad thing. Relegating Castle to the subplot with Thunder Cole is a bit dull, but there’s enough humour there to carry it through. Orrin and Romek learning a valuable lesson about hero-worshipping is amusing enough too. Ultimately it’s hard to hate The Forever Beetle because it doesn’t do anything especially wrong, just fails to make an impression. I think Space Precinct is finally at a point where it can sustain an unremarkable script without falling flat on its face. What a shame we’ve made that discovery so close to the end of the series.

So, with this penultimate episode leaving me with little to enthuse about or hurl abuse at, I’m pinning a lot of my hopes on Deathwatch Conclusion to be a spectacular finale. I’ve already addressed that I would love to see Haldane and Castle’s relationship finally advance to something of significance. I think we’re also due for some classic, all-out Gerry Anderson action with some incredible special effects from Steven Begg and team. Let’s see all those glorious Neill Gorton alien designs and jelly heads wobbling into view to magnify that out of this world ambition Space Precinct was always reaching for. As long as the sets aren’t beige and made of cardboard I’ll even give the design department a passing grade. I wouldn’t object to the shocking death of a regular character to really spice the whole thing up… I’m looking at you Zil. And, of course, I want Brogan to be the big hero at the centre of it all, maintaining justice and fair play to the bitter end. Will I get the series finale of my dreams? Find out next time…