Space Precinct – 9. The Power

“Now on BBC2, a fight for power in tonight’s Space Precinct.” That was the continuity announcement which preceded this particular episode on that cold November evening in 1995. Frankly, I don’t think I could come up with a more coherent explanation of The Power than that. Tonally, it’s a complete mess. I’m surprised the BBC continuity announcer wasn’t obliged to warn the kiddies and parents watching about the unabashed prostitution plot which sits at the heart of this episode. And oh boy, the pacing is dreadful. Of all the Space Precinct episodes I’ve seen so far, this one begs loudest for a 25-minute cut to tighten it up. There are subplots that go nowhere while the main plot drags its knuckles through some downright tedious scenes.

In all the episodes which follow this one, Sam Graham is credited as the series’ Story Editor. Apparently there was something about his script for this episode that the production team liked. So, maybe the fault lies in Mark Harris’ original story? But his previous contribution, Body & Soul, was decent. Likewise, Sidney Hayers (Enforcer and Body & Soul) has directed his previous episodes to a good enough standard. Whoever’s to blame, it’s fair to say that The Power left a bad taste in my mouth and we’re not leaving here until we sort this mess out. Cancel your plans.

The “This Episode” teaser is actually part of the problem this week. It’s a good teaser, but there’s a touch of false advertising about it. The emphasis is placed on the big red beam carving up Demeter City. So you’d assume all that laser goodness is going to be the main focus of the plot, right? Nope. We have a long, long time to wait until any terrible death rays of doom are fired at anyone… in fact you’ll want to skip to the end for any meaningful action at all.

I’m going to spare you from some of the sluggish pacing by whizzing through this opening sequence as fast as possible. A Solartek space satellite hangs in orbit – great model, no notes. A Tarn is on board sneaking around in the dark – he’s up to no good. A security guard is reading a magazine instead of paying attention to the cameras – we call that a trope. The Tarn has a miracle device which can plug into door keypads and guess the combination – what a stroke of flippin’ luck. The reason I’m skipping through this is that it’s mostly inconsequential. One observation is that Robin McDonell is credited as Film Editor for this episode… and no others… so maybe that has something to do with the pacing feeling a bit off.

The Tarn, named Vella Sugoi, has the futuristic equivalent of a polaroid camera (if that isn’t too much of an oxymoron for you). He prints out a photo of what the security camera sees and mounts the picture on a specially constructed frame in front of the lens to deceive the security guard. I get that we have to watch what he’s doing in detail in order to appreciate the criminal genius of it but I’m sorry, it’s just quite boring. I came here to watch lasers blow up the city!

Our guy uses special glasses to see all the invisible traps guarding a giant glowing rock at the centre of the room. Some tiles on the floor are represented with a big red cartoon kapow which I assume means they’re best avoided. Of course, the more security-conscious among you will claim that the entire floor should be armed and dangerous if it’s supposed to be protecting something. You’d be right, but where’s the fun in that?

Floor tiles successfully navigated, Vella uses his telekinetic powers to lift the shiny thing from its pedestal. But not so fast, mister! An unanticipated yellow beam paralyses Vella and his floating rock. Yes, I really love it when my tense heist sequences are resolved by totally improbable security devices that basically run on magic. It really makes the last few minutes feel worth it…

The guard, named Rodan, arrives. “Very good, Vella, but not good enough,” he says. Right, well, I guess that’s all sorted then. How does Rodan know Vella’s name? We don’t know. Is that an important key to understanding Vella’s intentions here? Yes, but we move on too quickly to notice. Just before the fade-to-black, Rodan pops on his own vision-enhancing device which matches Vella’s. Why? Presumably he’s just heading over to deal with Vella and doesn’t want to shut off the security system in order to do so. The scene ends before we get a chance to take that in though, so it could well be an important plot point that I’m glossing over.

Another day, another case for Altor’s All-American crime-fighting duo… and another excuse to roll out stock shots of the police cruiser landing.

The ambulance looks like a fridge and the paramedic looks like he delivers pizza.

The two paramedics chat about slamball with a heck of a lot of alpha male aggression backed up. Seriously, guys, why are you yelling? Everything’s okay.

Brogan and Haldane casually wander into the shot. The human paramedic, played by Mark Carey, chastises them for being late with quite the theatrical flair. Like so many of the young actors joining Space Precinct for guest roles, the performance he’s giving belongs on a stage rather than a film set – something director Sidney Hayers should have addressed.

Apparently Demeter City is experiencing 90% humidity at the moment. It’s never struck me as a particularly tropical locale but okay, if you say so. The heat has made the dead body particularly stinky, which Rob Youngblood plays with characteristic subtlety. Brogan recognises the stiff as Vella Sugoi. And that’s where the scene abruptly ends before the audience has any real opportunity to notice that this is the same guy we just saw unsuccessfully trying to steal that big shiny rock. We’ve gone from things happening too slowly to things happening too quickly.

Except, wait, the scene transitions to a point in time just a minute or so after the last scene. Brogan and Haldane, still at the crime scene, inform Fredo that Vella Sugoi was found dead. He’s a former criminal… or maybe an active criminal… well, not active because he’s dead… but you know what I mean. Fredo says he’ll call in Vella’s wife so Brogan can break the news.

Cut to Podly showing a woman into his office. No, this isn’t Vella’s wife. This is another part of the plot. I know, it’s ruddy confusing. Why are none of these scenes fitting together properly?

Rodan, the security officer we met earlier, tells Captain Podly that Solartek doesn’t need help protecting its Luxorian Ice even though it’s worth four billion credits and being brought straight into Podly’s precinct for a presentation to the Energy Commission. Yes, if you’re feeling lost all of a sudden, you’re not alone. Believe it or not, this is the main plot of the episode. It’s just snuck up on us and been dumped right there. Ms. Numar, played by Sheila Ruskin but revoiced with an outrageous German accent, insists that Solartek can look after the Luxorian Ice but Podly’s having none of it and insists on a police presence at the Energy Commission meeting. Castle and Took are called in to join the thrilling conversation…

The officers are assigned to act as Podly’s liasons… which I’m not sure they actually do much of over the course of the episode. Rodan wiggles his eyebrows at Castle and Took to indicate he’s got his brain in his trousers. Yeah – it’s another one of those episodes where the female characters are objectified for the benefit of “comedy.” Does the Rodan character acting like a sleazeball serve any purpose for the plot? Kind of, but it certainly doesn’t need signposting for us here.

On their way back to the station house, Brogan and Haldane take a moment to contemplate telling Vella’s wife that he’s dead. Cops don’t like breaking the news to widows – that’s a trope you can check off your police procedural bingo card. But boy, they’re really building up to that scene aren’t they? That’s twice now that they’ve foreshadowed having the conversation without actually cutting straight to it.

Meanwhile, Lou Hirsch is having another wonderful day at work on the set of Space Precinct.

Nope, we are in fact indulging in a comedy subplot. Remember those? Early episodes like Double Duty and Protect and Survive often favoured sticking Orrin and Beezle into bits of side business that had nothing to do with the story just to pad the episode out. I thought we’d done away with that stuff, but apparently it’s still going strong, just with Romek instead of Beezle.

So, this week, Romek is unwillingly trying out a dating agency and Orrin is teasing him. Because Space Precinct is a sitcom all of a sudden. The dating profile he’s currently reading requests a sense of humour, a steady income and a full head of hair. Orrin ruffles Romek’s blonde locks and says, “two out of three ain’t bad.” Is the suggestion that Romek is lacking a full head of hair? I beg to differ on that, but maybe compared to the miraculous growth of hair on Orrin’s head in between episodes 2 and 3, Romek’s hair is a bit thinner. But I also doubt Orrin is complementing his colleague on his sense of humour since he’s being a miserable grump right now. And we’ve heard others complain before that a cop’s salary is not that great.

It doesn’t matter anyway because the potential suitor is apparently so ugly that Romek wants to choke himself. Yes, I admit, it’s fairly funny. Richard James (revoiced by Kieron Jecchinis) and Lou Hirsch play the comedy admirably. But this whole bit is so out of place – particularly while Brogan and Haldane are preparing to tell a woman she’s recently become a widow. This is less of a comic relief and more like a comic distraction.

Needless to say, the scene which follows is jarring. Lindo Sugoi, Vella’s widow, is horrified to learn that her husband’s death is subject to police investigation, and she cries throughout the conversation. It’s well played by all concerned, but tonally it doesn’t mesh well with what we’ve just seen. We learn that Vella has been a private security consultant since he got out of prison and hasn’t, as far as she knows, gotten back in with the wrong crowd. So, what was he doing trying to rob the Solartek space station at the beginning of the episode? Of course, while we the audience all saw that, none of our heroes know anything about it, so it’s going to take the DCPD an infuriating amount of time to catch up with us.

Yikes. That wallpaper is hideous.

How can I put it nicely? This guy is either punching above his weight, or he has some deep pockets. Either way, I’d rather not think about it because for goodness sake this is supposed to be a family show! I’ll say this much – Alison Fielding plays Sylvain with a lot of confidence and she certainly commits to the part… it’s just not a part that actually belongs in Space Precinct. And, as is typical, her performance is ruined by some horrendous revoicing. If the clash of tones and performance choices wasn’t weird enough, Crispin Merrell has the audacity to put a sexy saxophone on the soundtrack. Sure, let’s just go for maximum sleaze here – why not? It’s not like there are kids watching.

The feller, Maxx Zeller played by Tom Chadbon (Doctor Who: City of Death), needs to be somewhere else. Sylvain’s lips are made of something sticky so he’s persuaded to have another snog. That wallpaper really is the least sexy thing I’ve ever seen.

Over at the suburbs, we need a wholesome Brogan family scene to balance out the filth. Sally steps outside to find her husband is…

… Not really there. Yeah, for some reason that I can’t explain, Ted Shackelford has had to be super-imposed on top of his own backyard.

He’s clearly standing on the real set for the rest of the scene so I really have no idea why they had to fake the establishing shot. Brogan’s feeling down about Vella, worried that his good work getting the reformed criminal into rehab ended up being for nothing. Sally quips that her husband could switch to being a shuttle driver if being a police officer isn’t working out. That’s the Sally Brogan I like. Well, “like” is a strong word. It’s a version of Sally Brogan that’s less tiresome than when she’s nagging or making endless dinners.

Matt arrives to announce that Officer Haldane is on the phone. He refers to Haldane by his first name, Jack. I guess Haldane is supposed to be a family friend by this point but it’s not like we ever see him pop round for one of those aforementioned endless dinners.

The update is that Vella suffered massive neurological trauma and bears a distinctive mark on his temple. Haldane circles the mark with a flashing green ring, just in case Brogan is feeling particularly stupid today and can’t spot it for himself.

Matt rushes in suddenly, eager to turn on the news. The news? This kid? Patrick is as stunned as we are. Brace yourselves, because this episode is about to take yet another weird direction.

Here comes another info dump. Environmental protests have erupted at the City Energy Commission because Hyper Fusion, run by Maxx Zeller, is vying to keep Demeter City running on fusion power. The city’s energy franchise is described as “lucrative,” but the word I definitely wouldn’t use is – interesting. Why the flip am I supposed to care about any of this? And more to the point, why does Matt Brogan care? He says it’s for a school project, which is obviously a lie. Why does he lie about it? No reason.

Oh wow. Remember this guy? He was huffing and puffing on top of a naked lady a few minutes ago. Credit to actor Tom Chadbon, who plays Maxx Zeller as exactly the slimy, smug business twerp we would immediately associate with a lucrative energy company. It’s a massively over the top performance, but the wildly flailing tone of this episode is hardly calling for delicate nuance. Also, that news microphone has nothing on the end of it… is that because it’s a space microphone from the future, or because the props department just couldn’t be bothered this week?

Matt is impressed when the reporter mentions Hyper Fusion’s competitor, Solartek and their Luxorian Ice power system. Ted Shackelford and Nancy Paul play the fake enthusiasm absolutely beautifully. I love the idea that Patrick and Sally are just two simple folks who couldn’t give a hoot about current affairs despite being the grown-ups here. It’s a subtle piece of characterisation. Remember subtlety?

Solartek’s system might be cheaper, cleaner, and safer, but Hyper Fusion is proven and reliable. Yes, if you hadn’t figured it out yet, Space Precinct is doing a commentary on alternative energy sources. Science fiction is a great tool for crafting social and political allegories, so I have to praise the writers for taking a punt at a big topic like this. But it’s Space Precinct so don’t expect it to be particularly clever in its execution.

Matt is on the side of Solartek because they’re so much “further.” Patrick and Sally remain hilariously baffled. Don’t worry, we’re all confused. What’s this episode going to throw at us next?

A Tarn stumbles out of a seedy club and playfully threatens the bouncer. The shot lingers for far too long and the actors clearly don’t know what to do with themselves.

It’s Rodan. You remember Rodan? The security officer from Solartek? Yeah, I’d forgotten all about him too. The way this episode lurches from scene to scene doesn’t exactly compel the audience to retain vital information.

He walks into an alley and spontaneously falls over. Was he attacked or pushed? Well it looks suspiciously like he walked off and then just jumped back into shot of his own accord. But, y’know, that could just be poor direction.

A fade transition indicates a passage of time. Sylvain is there and tells some passers-by to call an ambulance. The last time we saw her she was in bed with Maxx Zeller. I get the impression that this is supposed to be some whacking great mystery. Why was Rodan at a club? Was he attacked? Why is Sylvain there? Unfortunately, Sidney Hayers doesn’t direct this sequence with any flair, so the whole thing falls flat. I don’t care about any of these characters because these scenes are just a means to an end – only happening to get us from A to B in the plot, and doing little to actually develop the people involved. Nothing feels like it’s happening for a good reason.

The cops arrive. At least the model shots look decent.

Here’s a rare sight – the back end of the full-size police cruiser, complete with smoking boosters. The cameras have been careful not to show too much of the live action cruiser up until now because it hadn’t actually been completed yet. When shooting started on Double Duty, the live action unit basically had nothing but a giant 2D cut-out. Now, here we are about four months into the shoot, and we’ve got a very credible representation of the real thing. Better late than never.

The cheerful paramedics are here again. They’re not a double act we’ll be seeing much of in the future.

Needless to say, it doesn’t take Officer Haldane long to inappropriately get his hands on the attractive young woman. Sylvain says Rodan bought her a drink, she went to freshen up, and then he was gone. Haldane scans her ID tag… Finally! I’ve been waiting for nine flippin’ episodes to talk about these things! Everyone – and I mean everyone – in Demeter City walks around wearing an ID tag, but they never actually have anything written on them. This episode finally demonstrates that only police officers with the right scanners can actually read the tags… at least I assume that’s the intended purpose. But what kind of authoritarian nightmare world could force everyone to walk around wearing tags all day long? And more to the point, I’m amazed that the Space Precinct production team have managed to stay committed to it. Since it wasn’t being referenced in any of the earlier scripts, I’d have expected them to drop it after a couple of episodes. But no, someone on the production thought it was important enough to keep going with it! In amongst all the chaos, there are teeny, tiny little bits of world building in Space Precinct that hold up. Okay, I don’t think the ID tags actually make much sense, but at least they stuck around.

Brogan knows exactly what his partner is up to. We all do because that ruddy saxophone is playing again. At least Sylvain seems into it… I guess ID tag foreplay is a thing here.

Look at him. Dirty boy. But that’s just it – he knowingly acts like a 12-year-old boy. Rob Youngblood plays Haldane with a self-awareness that keeps him just-about-bearable. Brogan comments that Haldane should keep his mind above his waist – a remarkably prescient observation given Haldane’s ultimate fate with Sylvain.

Back to the plot and the deceased drunk is positively identified as Rodan from Solartek. I don’t blame them for spelling that out for us – a casual viewer might have missed that fact in amongst all the other garbage. Haldane is sent inside the club to check for a security camera, and probably to have a long, hard think about what he’s done.

Speaking of grubby boys, Orrin helps Romek celebrate his recent win with the Demeter Dating Agency. She’s coming to meet Romek tomorrow after work. Plenty of time to get the main plot out of the way first then.

Haldane and Slomo are studying the security footage. Slomo is, of course, befuddled by Haldane lusting over Sylvain’s “assets.” Oh the hilarity.

Some more footage reveals that Sylvain was also at the club on the previous night. The trouble is, we only see the footage very, very briefly so it’s not exactly obvious that anything about the scene is different and that this is in fact from a different day. The people in the background are the same, just standing in different positions, and the props on the counter have just been moved a bit. Heck, this is supposed to be security footage so something as simple as putting the date on the screen would have been an acceptable way of making it clear to the audience that this is the previous night.

Brogan instructs Slomo to isolate the guy on the left. He does so. Suddenly Brogan starts yelling at Slomo as if he’s been sleeping with his wife or something. It turns out Brogan meant Sylvain’s left rather than our left… which is absolutely ruddy stupid. Of course Slomo was correct to interpret it as screen left. What kind of back-to-front way does Brogan think? And what does this have to do with anything? Why are we taking up valuable seconds of screen time with a chat about the difference between left and right? All so we can have a moment with Slomo impersonating Brogan as a setup for something that happens later which really didn’t need setting up at all.

Slomo zooms in on the correct suspect, magically enhances the image like any police robot would, and it looks like Sylvain had been hanging out with Vella on the night he was killed. Brogan is good enough to tell us it was Vella because, frankly, Vella and Rodan look too much alike for me to make a clear distinction straight away. Anyway, they’re both dead and they both met Sylvain in a bar. Yes! Some intrigue! Not a lot of intrigue admittedly, but at least it’s something!

Oh boy, here comes a very long and very, very, very tedious scene. Haldane has come to chat with Sylvain about the two dead guys. He plays it cool. Sylvain makes the shocking revelation that they were “Johns” and that she’s a “pro.” Yup. Alternative energy sources and now prostitution. I hope the kiddies at home are keeping up. I’m sure parents were thrilled to answer any questions about Sylvain’s occupation. Clearly, this stuff isn’t meant for children, and yet it’s hardly for adults either. I refuse to accept that most adults would take Space Precinct seriously when it ventured into more mature territory like this. For one thing it’s handled very clumsily by the inexperienced writers, and for another most adults would write Space Precinct off as a children’s show anyway. After all, no gritty police procedural drama aimed at adults would also have a line of action figures available in all good toy shops.

Down on the street, Brogan, Castle, and Took are listening to Haldane’s conversation. Brogan comes straight out and calls her a hooker, so we’re really not mincing our words around this particular topic. Castle is really not enjoying listening to Haldane’s charming chatter and would rather be anywhere else. Took’s trying to read Sylvain’s mind but they’re parked too far away… so why didn’t they park closer?

Sylvain spots that there are two cruisers outside. So they parked too far for Took to use her powers, but too close to avoid suspicion… so overall the whole exercise was a bit pointless.

She makes Haldane a cup of coffee with a sting in the tail. The pills come in a giant bottle which Haldane would need to be blind to miss. Despite Rob Youngblood’s finest acting skills, the cup is obviously empty when he takes a sip.

Haldane drops to the floor with an upset tummy. He does so completely silently because otherwise that would ruin the point of the scene. Again, Rob Youngblood’s talents are being pushed to the limit.

The esteemed officers begin to notice that Haldane isn’t saying anything while Sylvain babbles away about her colourful life. She clips a flashing light to his head. I think there’s supposed to be some tension here but I’ve basically checked out.

The penny drops and Castle decides that the fastest way to rescue her colleague is by flying straight up. Frankly, I’ll just accept any action I can get from this episode.

Sylvain retrieves her blinky light while Castle gets ready to do something stupid.

Simone Bendix leaps from the full-size cruiser set before we cut quickly to stunt co-ordinator Glenn Marks falling through the glass, and then cut back to Simone Bendix getting up off the floor. It’s an effective stunt considering Simone and Glenn aren’t exactly identical. The only let-down is the fact that the floor is already covered in broken glass before Officer Castle lands.

Haldane has a mark on his temple similar to Vella’s. The plot starts to knit together in Castle’s head.

Brogan uses the more conventional technique for entering the premises and blows up the front door… as you do.

Boo!

Sylvain escapes behind Brogan with minimal effort. Of course, Took’s still flying around outside so it shouldn’t be too hard to catch her. Oh, what’s that? Took’s a woefully under-used character and the format dictates she can’t do anything significant to shape the actual plot? Oh… okay… I guess that means Sylvain can evade capture despite the fact a fully qualified police officer is flying around outside. We fade to black for a commercial break and my soul continues to die slowly.

Haldane is taken to the station house’s medical bay rather than an actual hospital as I’ve complained about in many previous episodes. To be fair, they brought Took to a hospital in Time To Kill and she ended up dead in an alternate timeline, so maybe the station house is better for his overall health. He just stares vacantly… well, more vacantly than usual.

Time for a massive info dump. Captain Podly has realised that Vella, Rodan, and Haldane’s massive neurological trauma was caused by a device he recognises – a sentric mind probe. He’s only just remembered because… well, half the episode has gone by and we need to pick up the pace a bit.

The device is needlessly complicated but I’ll try to explain as best as I can. Y’see there’s this other Gerry Anderson series called Joe 90. It’s basically that but a bit more deathy. The mind probe permanently sucks the brain patterns out of a person so that they can be recorded and implanted into a recipient’s mind via the contacts on the side of the device. So, backed up on another device, Sylvain now has access to the knowledge and experience of Vella – a renowned jewel thief; Rodan – Solartek’s head of security; and Haldane – a hot dog loving country boy. Haldane survived because the process was interrupted… and because he’s a main character.

Podly says that the Sentrans used to use mind probes to gain strategic information from Creon prisoners during the Thalassic Wars. Cor, blimey, what a whole heap of useless back story I didn’t need. Last week it was Tarn and Creon riots – this week it’s all Sentrans and Thalassic Wars. Building out the history of Altor is all well and good, but it would be more effective if it actually meant something to the plot of the episode in hand.

Podly spells out the fact that the Luxorian Ice is on display at tonight’s Energy Commission meeting and it’s bound to be a target. Brogan reckons it’ll be their last chance to get Haldane’s mind back… assuming that’s something they actually want, of course.

Well, look who Brogan finds among the protesters outside City Hall. Yes, it turns out Matt fancies himself as an activist. His mother had to come with him though, so he’s not exactly on the ultra cool rebellious side of politics. It’s cringeworthy and holds no bearing on the plot. Brogan suggests his family stay out of trouble. I suggest they stay out of the episode.

Zeller’s pitch to the Commission is short and sweet – he just wants them to keep chugging along with Hyper Fusion for Demeter’s energy supply. The panel is made up of various aliens and humans, none of them particularly pretty.

The meeting room isn’t exactly flashy, but there’s nothing to actively offend my eyes so I’d say that’s a mild improvement on the set design front.

You’ll recognise the chairman as the rich Creon who nearly ran over Speedy with his car in last week’s episode, Deadline. He’s got a completely different voice so he’s probably meant to be a different character, although it wouldn’t surprise me if it is supposed to be the same character and the producers just hoped you wouldn’t notice the change.

Numar from Solartek is called up to give her presentation and my goodness is that revoiced Germanic accent distracting. Sheila Ruskin is a talented performer so the decision to dub her is pretty baffling. Surely, she could have done the accent herself?

I doubt anyone at home is invested enough to listen to Numar’s pitch properly but I’ll summarise for you anyway. Hyper Fusion could be very dangerous if there was a radiation breach. Solartek will eliminate that risk by harnessing energy from the suns to produce power, offering solar energy on an industrial scale for the first time.

Zeller looks twitchy while Numar shows off the shiny satellite. She claims that it is unmanned and fully automated. This is a Gerry Anderson show so we all know what that means. But if it’s unmanned, why was Rodan sitting up there in a security surveillance office when Vella arrived to rob it at the beginning of the episode? So yes, it might be automated but it’s not necessarily unmanned. Oh, I’m sorry, am I being too pedantic for you? Have you ever read the Security Hazard blog?

This guy arrives outside. He looks like a wrong’un.

Castle really doesn’t look that interested as the presentation continues.

Numar unveils Luxorian Ice to the room. The onlookers are impressed by the shiny rock. Like the satellite, we at home have already seen it, so it doesn’t exactly knock my socks off. Numar explains that Luxorian Ice’s “perfect heliocentricity” means that it can absorb sunlight and concentrate that light into a plasma energy beam, which is then collected in a plasma furnace. What a load of drivel. Heliocentricity refers to the theory that our Sun is at the centre of the universe and planets like Earth orbit around it. It’s got precisely nothing to do with converting light into plasma. If you’re going to make up scientific gobbledy-gook, it’s probably best to use made-up words too.

Someone steps forward to offer Numar some gloves and it’s genuinely more interesting than what she’s actually saying.

Don’t forget this guy. Heaven forbid someone should come in and put an end to this mind-numbing lecture. Also, look at that door handle. That is the most boring door handle I’ve ever seen. We can build impressive orbital solar power stations but apparently a vaguely futuristic door handle is too much to ask.

Numar puts a glass of water on top of the Luxorian Ice. I’ve got nothing. I just don’t care anymore.

Scary man arrives and Brogan gets ready to shoot him just to alleviate the intense boredom.

It turns out he’s just some guy who’s come to help with the demonstration. That’s a shame.

This sicko is actually interested in all this.

The Luxorian Ice gets blasted with a blow torch in order to prove that the ice remains icy. Wow. What a revelation.

This guy asks Numar to prove that Solartek’s nonsense actually works. Really?! YOU WANT THIS PRESENTATION TO LAST LONGER?!

I’m not wasting any more time here. It’s time to get the beam out. A rare use is made of stop-motion animation as the beam’s projector is angled into position. Numar switches on the long-awaited red beam of death and we can all gawp at how pretty it is. The beam generates enough power to light up Solartek’s new headquarters which, of course, looks like something out of Blade Runner.

Everyone except Zeller is pleased by the result. Pretty glowing thing is good! Hurrah! Can we please cut to the exciting bit now?

Yes, as we all predicted, the beam starts to go wrong. It diverts away from the furnace, seemingly out of control. I know it’s the start of a terrible disaster and everything, but you’ve got to admit this is more interesting than the third rate science lesson we were getting.

The Interchem building from Flash is still around.

Well, maybe not for much longer.

Zeller looks pleased with himself. Comparing his facial expressions between scenes, I’d say he finds watching the city getting blown up more satisfying than smooching a prostitute. Whatever floats your boat.

People are composited very effectively into these model shots so it all feels suitably apocalyptic.

The chairman suggests they try shutting the beam off. That’s the sharp mind of an elected official for you. Numar is a little frazzled. In fact she looks ready to rip a grown man’s ear off.

Our heroes watch the beam cut through the Solartek tower. What can a couple of simple police officers do against a giant death ray? After all, you can’t sling a pair of handcuffs on a giant death ray and throw it in jail – the police cruiser would get crispy.

This is a man who fears the giant death ray, but apparently didn’t have a problem drawing on his face with a sharpie.

This other guy is going to escape to… somewhere… by pushing past his Tarn colleague. It’s not a very dignified exit.

Brogan decides it’s time for some police action. He puts Orrin and Romek in charge of protecting the Luxorian Ice, especially from Solartek’s security team. Yeah – screw those guys.

Castle’s job will be dispersing the protestors while Took guards the elevator and locks down the building. Brogan really is great when he’s in command of a situation. Ted Shackelford has this ability to play the authority on the surface as well as the undercurrent of fear behind his eyes.

Out on the street, more live action footage of people running about has been dropped into the model set. They scramble and dive like their lives really depend on it. That guy in the middle launching himself across the road gives one of the best performances of the entire episode.

Watch all these little people getting crushed by falling debris before your very eyes!

After the commercial break, Sylvain pops up on the screen to reveal she’s the big bad in control of the plasma beam. The performance is deliciously evil, ruined by bad dubbing and whatever those bright orange shoulder pads are doing. With one block of Luxorian Ice in hand at the orbital power station, Sylvain asks that the other one be brought up by a hostage.

The chairman gives us the old, “And if we refuse?” line, but says it with the charisma of a toddler that’s been dropped on its head. Sylvain threatens to cut Fusion Power’s reactor in half. Wait, I thought the company was called Hyper Fusion? Same difference I suppose. Either way, Zeller does a terrific job of looking outraged – positively foaming with fury. So, Sylvain selects him as the hostage. What could possibly go wrong?

Brogan confronts Sylvain and we get to see whatever the heck orange monstrosity she’s wearing in full. Apparently that’s the outfit you throw on when there’s a spot of space station taking over to do.

Sylvain reminds Brogan about her sentric mind probe device and starts chucking Haldane’s famous catchphrases back at him. You know that famous Haldane catchphrase, right? That really memorable one he says all the time? It’s so darn memorable, I can’t believe you don’t know it! Say it with me… “Let’s cut to the chase, Brogan.” Yes, that memorable, memorable phrase we all know and love…

“Brogan! You know that woman?!” declares the chairman with the campest little squeal you ever did hear.

Both of the CEOs offer to be the hostage. Brogan’s not keen because it’s obviously a ruddy trap. But hey, there’s only about 10 minutes of episode left so sure, let’s send Zeller up to the satellite and get this over with.

With the beam now switched off, Zeller’s limo approaches the station under the watchful eye of a police cruiser. The model of the Solartek satellite really is impressive.

To cut a very long, rambly scene short – the whole scheme was Maxx Zeller’s idea. He conspired with Sylvain to pinch the blocks of Luxorian Ice and eliminate Solartek’s reputation. With no need for Sylvain any longer he tries to shoot her. His gun fails. She pulls a gun on him. It’s a reasonably okay twist, but it’s hardly surprising that our standard-issue femme fatale turns out to be, y’know, bad.

Using Vella’s brain pattern, Sylvain knows exactly where the traps are on the way to the ice. She doesn’t do anything useful with that information, mind you. In fact, I’m not entirely sure she even really wants the ice. I’m not quite sure what she wants at all, really.

She sends Zeller to go and get the ice. He fails and disappears in a blinding puff of smoke.

“You were a great lover, Maxx. You were just too smug.” What a line. A train crashing into a septic tank would be more eloquent than that piece of dialogue.

Sylvain goes looking for Brogan. Because of course Brogan is here. We all knew he’d be here, so we don’t waste any time building up to that particular surprise. Alison Fielding brings her maximum crazy eyes as she switches to Haldane’s brain pattern and begins to play mind games with Brogan. He can be found hiding behind a control panel pressing colourful buttons.

Our villain wanders up and down corridors talking about the time Brogan stole Haldane’s thunder when they were sent to bust the Tempa Brothers during a bank job in Queens. Again, lovely back story but not exactly relevant.

Then, Haldane comes on the screen talking like a zombie.

Using Took, Fredo, and the doctor’s combined Tarn powers, plus Slomo’s uncanny ability for impersonations, the gang have turned Haldane into their meat puppet and make it look like he’s talking to Sylvain. It’s certainly bizarre and a little bit scary. Rob Youngblood does a very good brain dead impression of himself.

Brogan takes the opportune moment to break cover and spook Sylvain. She opens fire and misses. Get ready for one of Space Precinct’s more pedestrian fight sequences…

First they wrestle for the gun. Sylvain shoves her hand in Brogan’s face and then knees him square in the crotch. She takes the opportunity to jump on his back, but that doesn’t last long because Brogan throws her against the wall. So far, all stuff that Sylvain’s clients usually have to pay extra for.

Brogan whacks Sylvain across the face and that’s basically the end of her. Well, at least she tried.

Then I really don’t understand what happens. The station starts to move by itself, the plasma beam switches itself back on and starts to cut its way across a very pretty shot of the ocean beyond Demeter City. Did someone press a button and I missed it?

Brogan is tasked by Captain Podly with shutting down the station which has magically sprung back to life all by itself. And poor Brogan is totally lost when it comes to figuring out the power station’s complex control systems…

I mean just look at that dazzling array of buttons. There’s at least a dozen of them. And they’re all different colours too. What a mind-boggling system!

The disembodied voice of Podly (seriously, we don’t cut back to him or anything) reminds Brogan that he can use the brain pattern of Rodan to learn the controls. Needless to say, it isn’t that complicated but it also doesn’t work. Apparently Sylvain’s earlier gunshot caused everything to go out of control. How flippin’ convenient. So, the beam heads off to tear up the city once again.

Brogan goes to grab the Luxorian Ice in an attempt to disable the beam completely. But how will he avoid falling into the same trap as the great but smug lover, Maxx Zeller?

By using those handy brain patterns, of course! I keep throwing around the term “brain patterns” like this is an episode of Joe 90. It isn’t. One would hope an episode of Joe 90 would have fewer prostitutes.

Brogan accidentally switches over to Haldane’s mind and obviously the only thing he’s thinking about is Jane. The clip is borrowed from Enforcer, when Castle is talking to Vala about Trask. Yes, I’m sure Haldane thinks about that memorable moment all the time…

Nope, the good stuff comes when Brogan switches over to the mind of his old pal, Vella. All the traps are revealed. Now he just needs to avoid stepping on them.

He sure takes his sweet time navigating the clearly marked tiles and picking up the glove. No rush, Brogan! It’s not like Demeter City’s getting torn in half down there or anything like that.

It’s horrendously drawn out as Brogan, through Vella, remembers the trap in the ceiling which can paralyse him and the ice in place. HURRY UP!

He shoots the trap. He grabs the ice. The beam shuts off. He’s saved the day. Hooray.

For a fairly disturbing moment, Brogan hears Haldane’s voice saying, “You show me yours,” from Body & Soul. Of all the things, why did it have to be that?

A short time later, Haldane wakes up and he’s back to his normal self. Apparently he’s been dreaming about sharing a moonlit evening with Castle on a desert island. Awww, it’s cheesy and probably laced with lustful intent, but there’s also a cute innocence to the whole thing that I like.

Jack earns himself a peck on the cheek for not being dead. That’s usually what it comes down to with this pair. It’s only when he gets really, really close to dying that Jane realises she quite likes Jack. Unfortunately those incidents tend to only come about at the end of an episode, so by next week they’ll be back to the cat and mouse game again.

Meanwhile, Brogan announces to his family that he’ll be home late because he needs to tell Vella Sigoi’s wife that her husband was completely innocent… wait, was he? They never explained why he tried to steal the Luxorian Ice at the beginning of the episode. Did Solartek hire him in his capacity as a consultant to test their security? Was that the plot? Someone probably should have said that was the plot.

Anyway, Sally’s planning to take her husband out to dinner tonight since he saved the whole city from total destruction and all that. And Matt’s delighted that Solartek got the contract to be Demeter City’s new provider of clean energy… once they tighten up their security systems so random prostitutes can’t go waltzing into their orbital power station whenever they fancy.

Matt feels he’s learned a valuable lesson about the power of activism. His next crusade is to rally the people against his math teacher, Miss Gooham. The little brat dashes off to call his fellow liberator, Inazy. And with that, Matt’s maturity levels are restored to normal. Ah well.

One more small matter to clear up and that’s Romek’s dating exploits. He’s nervously awaiting his date’s arrival, but Orrin warns, “what you see ain’t always what you get.”

A Creon woman stomps clumsily towards the front desk.

It’s quite hard to judge whether a Creon’s ugly or not, isn’t it?

Romek passes on the date and runs for the hills with perfect comic timing.

It turns out the Creon is just a visiting wife coming to pay bail for her husband. Orrin’s feeling very pleased with himself, with Richard James really giving those false teeth a good showing.

Romek’s real date shuffles into shot and I’ll pay her this compliment… she’s the least ugly Creon I’ve ever seen.

I think Orrin would agree with that assessment.

Orrin decides that the best course of action is to cover his ID badge and impersonate his buddy, Romek. I’m sure a relationship built on such honesty is bound to have a bright future. Apparently the moral of this whole story is that women are either crazy, ugly, or stupid…

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Well, that was pretty rubbish, wasn’t it? Apart from some nice special effects shots and some good performances from the regular cast, I don’t have much to praise about The Power. The core premise of one energy company sabotaging another with disastrous results is solid enough. Everything else constructed around that idea was a miss. Why was Solartek’s security so abysmal? Why did Maxx Zeller hire a prostitute of all people to help him steal the Luxorian Ice? Why did Sylvain have access to a mind probe in the first place? The whole plot felt so contrived to get us from one mismatching scene to another. We ventured into topics that a family show like Space Precinct isn’t equipped to handle without looking silly or jarring, and it’s not like we really needed to go there anyway.

Then there was the awful pacing. I’m not the biggest fan of Space Precinct‘s 43½ minute runtime in general because most of the stories are too simple to justify it. However, most of the time they make it work by indulging in exciting action sequences or by sprinkling in some slice-of-life character moments. But this episode was simply padded out in all the wrong places. The opening heist scene, Sylvain and Haldane’s conversation in her apartment, and Numar’s presentation to the Energy Commission all dragged on for far too long. They felt like feature film set pieces squeezed into a TV episode. I have a feeling large chunks of The Power were probably cut just to make room for these long, lingering dialogue scenes and disconnected moments of tension. That’s why the plot is so nonsensical. That’s why we never fully grasp things like Vella’s role in relation to Solartek, or what Sylvain actually planned to do with the Luxorian Ice. It’s ironic because I started this review wishing that The Power was shorter, when I’m fairly sure Sidney Hayers wanted it to be longer! What we ended up getting was a compromise, and nobody got what they wanted.