Space Precinct – 10. Seek and Destroy

Let’s take a moment to appreciate the crazy schedule that the Space Precinct production team were up against. The series premiered on US television on October 3rd 1994 – the day that principal photography on today’s episode wrapped. Just over a month later, on November 21st, Seek and Destroy was broadcast in America. That strikes me as an insanely narrow lead time considering the complexity of a big budget science fiction series like Space Precinct, particularly when it comes to post-production. Such were the bizarre circumstances of Space Precinct’s distribution.

When the gap between shooting and broadcast is a matter of weeks, only a well-oiled production conveyor belt from script to screen can keep up with demand without compromising on quality. Ten episodes and four months into production, it’s still quite difficult to judge whether Space Precinct was up to speed yet when they made Seek and Destroy. The regular cast has gelled, the special effects photography is better integrated with the live action material, and someone has worked out that shining the brightest possible lights at the cheap sets isn’t always a good look. But I fear there’s a fire burning in the Space Precinct engine room, or should I say the writers’ room. The clash is raging more than ever before between the writers and the show’s intended audience. With no time to carefully workshop their storylines, it seems that writers and producers are flailing around when trying to find the right balance between playfully juvenile and gritty, mature themes, leading them to wildly miss the mark on all counts. So today, for your viewing pleasure, I give you a Space Precinct episode about cute puppies brutally murdering their owners on behalf of an alien invasion force.

Two changes in the title sequence to note this week! Udo Wirt from Deadline has stolen the “most impressive alien creature we’ve got” slot from the Cyborg.

Meanwhile, from this episode onwards, Peter Talbot takes over Special Effects Photography from Harry Oakes. This was quite simply an act of passing the torch. Oakes retired after an extraordinary career photographing visual effects for the likes of Thunderbirds, UFO, and Terrahawks, but also Superman, Flash Gordon, and Aliens. Peter Talbot has essentially stepped in as the 21st century equivalent to Oakes with recent credits including Loki, 1917, and Christopher Robin.

We’re into the territory of Space Precinct episodes I’ve never seen before. So when I put on Seek and Destroy for the first time and I saw multiple dogs just chilling out, my initial reaction was essentially, “DOG! Wait what? Another dog! Why are there… what? Is this… wait, WHAT? Space Precinct!!”

Having established that this episode is full of cute dogs, you may also appreciate my alarm when I first saw the title – Seek and Destroy.

Down in Demeter City, this guy has borrowed Patrick Brogan’s car. Okay, no he hasn’t. It just seems that everyone on Altor drives the same car now. Fine. The man’s name is Vachel and he’s like no Space Precinct alien we’ve seen before, so the guess is that he’s not from around these parts. The actor behind the prosthetic make-up is David Burke and he is, quite simply, the saviour of this episode. Sure, there are some other highlights that we’ll get to, but Burke’s performance is the main reason you would ever choose to rewatch Seek and Destroy. David Burke most famously played Dr. John Watson in Granada’s 1984 Sherlock Holmes series before joining the Royal Shakespeare Company.

We head over to the suburbs, but this time it’s not for a scene with the Brogan family. Yes, other people live on that space station too! In this case, it’s a Tarn woman preparing breakfast for what one assumes is quite a large animal. It’s seems silly to say it, but that blue plastic dog bowl doesn’t look sci-fi enough. I don’t know what I want a sci-fi dog bowl to look like exactly. Putting flashing lights on a dog bowl would be ridiculous, but so is the thought of this lady buying her pet supplies from a Woolworths on the High Street.

Space Precinct was made in the 1990s, and in case you had forgotten that fact, may I present that haircut, those earrings, that shade of lipstick, that outfit which matches the walls, and that display of pampas grass in the background.

Noah Ingram pops up on a screen to inform his colleague, Jonita Styles, that she’s late for a business meeting with their client. Ingram is a tetchy little so-and-so, so we’re meant to feel sympathy for Jonita. She wishes the client would value her time over their own high falutin’ corporate ideals.

Then, she gets attacked by the cameraman. During the tussle, Jonita’s wig struggles to stay on her head, but it’s otherwise a fairly well done bit. Clearly, Jonita’s unseen pet has turned against her and the audience is supposed to picture the creature as some awful alien beast beyond our worst imaginings. Of course, the “This Episode” teaser already gave away that there are dogs involved, so it’s probably something to do with that.

Jonita was quick to call 911. Can you guess who’s on the case today?

Fredo dispatches Brogan and Haldane to investigate. Details are sparse, but Fredo reports that, “it’s bad.” Are 911 calls ever good?

The cruiser changes course at great speed, and Brogan comments on the fact that Styles’ address, Unit Four B, is “too damn close to home.” Come on Brogan, you know the deal – the script writers are obligated to work your family into the story every week somehow.

Jonita is unavailable to answer the door, so Haldane uses the more traditional Space Precinct method for entering a room and blasts the lock.

Well this was never going to be pleasant, was it? At least the camera doesn’t get too close, but I think it’s fair to say the restraint didn’t quite go far enough in the blood department.

Vachel watches from afar. It’s a nice little mystery – not exactly red-hot but tiptoeing over the boundary of lukewarm. Obviously we’re meant to assume that this creepy old guy did the murdering, but why?

Later, over at the station house, it’s David Quilter’s turn to take his life in his own hands as he attempts to navigate the spiral staircase while essentially blindfolded by his Sergeant Fredo mask.

Castle and Took are grilling regular informant, Zipload, about the attack. He doesn’t know anything. Zipload was last seen in Time To Kill where he also didn’t know anything. Maybe he’s not such a good informant. Took reads his mind to confirm that he is indeed completely clueless.

Nevertheless, Castle sticks with trying to intimidate the poor guy. I say “trying to intimidate” because I don’t think anyone would actually find her remotely scary. Castle’s prowess for police work lies in her intelligence and bravery – not so much in her ability to politely and poshly rough up ne’er-do-wells.

Meanwhile, interviewing this random Creon is apparently a three-man job. Going about his work day (we later learn he’s a garbage collector), he recalls seeing a hopper rush past him which he later spotted again parked outside suburb delta. That qualifies as suspicious in this guy’s mind. Obviously the audience at home is well aware that he’s onto something, but our police officers are understandably unimpressed.

Sally Brogan tells her husband that the neighbourhood was shaken up by Jonita’s death. Well, that’s a valuable nugget of information, thanks Sal.

Matt and Liz are trying to kill each other, which we’re supposed to write off as perfectly typical and ever so hilarious. I wouldn’t laugh if I were you. Liz looks ready to headbutt a wall.

The Brogan parents wonder for a moment whether it’s too late to swap their kids out for a pair of quiet bean bags.

Sally resolves the conflict by turning on the television. Top notch parenting. A clever bit of chroma key work is done to avoid Nancy Paul’s hand getting cut off by the puppy image super-imposed over the top.

Liz is transfixed. All the hate and rage directed at her brother has vanished… for now.

Six adult labradors and six puppies were provided for this episode by the organisation Animals Okay, based in Aldbury Common, Hertfordshire. Shooting with twelve dogs on set must have been a logistical nightmare. The old showbiz adage is never to work with children or animals. This episode has heaps of both, so the production team probably thought the writers were actively trying to make Space Precinct as difficult to work on as possible.

Some of the puppies are fascinated by the rubber-headed actors standing before them. Said rubber-headed actors would only have had a limited awareness of where the pups were at any given moment because of their restricted peripheral vision. Wayne Forrester, playing Exeter, doesn’t get too startled by the puppy that suddenly appears on his shoulder. This is Wayne Forrester’s first big role in Space Precinct, having joined the show last week as a businessman in The Power. The actor had just completed a run of appearances in the Thunderbirds FAB stage show in Australia, and would go on to claim the title role in Gerry Anderson’s New Captain Scarlet.

I’ll explain the plot while you take a look at this puppy named Magic. Earth dogs typically can’t survive on Altor because they have no natural immunity to something called Creon fever, but a vaccine called Aladine 50 has recently been developed. So now, the imaginatively titled Demeter Dogs is giving away a dog as a prize. Any questions? Yes, I thought there might be. Let’s tackle the obvious first – we’ve seen dogs wandering around in Demeter City before (see Double Duty, Enforcer, and Time To Kill). Let’s assume they were strays that were smuggled in and riddled with the deadly disease. Lovely. So, what’s Creon fever? Is it just as deadly to Creons? Are humans and Tarns naturally immune to it? Isn’t it a bit racist to name a disease after an entire species? All good questions. None of them addressed.

Needless to say, Liz wants to win one of these delightfully disease-free dogs. Matt’s too cool for school and tries to crush her dreams by suggesting the odds are against her. Sally agrees with her daughter that it’s worth a shot and agrees to pick up an entry form at the grocery store. After all, the Brogan family are probably still gorging themselves on that rare jar of peanut butter from Deadline, so maybe luck is on their side. That being said, the “Liz wants an Earth thing” template for a subplot is definitely going to wear thin. It worked with the peanut butter because it was so quirky. Stretching it to a puppy is a wee bit predictable.

As Nancy Paul exits the scene, she improvises some dialogue in response to being considered “massive” by her daughter. I would certainly have some things to say about that too.

Here’s a neat shot. A distant speck in the starfield rushes towards camera and eventually becomes distinguishable as the hopper we saw earlier. As with the Cyborg’s hopper in Time To Kill, a vague attempt has been made by the model team to disguise the all-green paintwork so that we don’t immediately recognise it as Brogan’s car. Of course, we do immediately recognise it because who else would drive a bright green hunk of junk like that?

Vachel zooms in on the station house which is way, way, way off in the distance, hanging in the middle of a particularly pretty, and particularly empty, patch of space. This is odd since the space station is usually shown in very close orbit around Altor.

Haldane and Castle are now interviewing Ingram, the last person we saw speaking to Jonita Styles. He has a deeply suspicious vibe about him, but that’s probably just the actor’s unconvincing American accent giving me the ick. Ingram says that Jonita’s work was her life… which rather contradicts her grumble in the first scene about her clients being overbearing twerps. He then recalls seeing a guy hanging around outside the office. Again, Ingram’s slimy corporate demeanour makes him sound like he’s lying. He isn’t, I just don’t trust business executives.

Uncle Pete sure looks rough these days.

Nah, Uncle Pete is actually a Tarn sketch artist with a neat trick up his sleeve. By scanning Ingram’s mind, he can telepathically create an image of the mysterious man. I think that’s a really clever Space Precinct twist on a familiar police procedural element. The top half of the “sketched” face is, of course, very recognisable to us.

Haldane suggests running the image through the database. Castle reminds her esteemed colleague that the process is simultaneous. Oh Jack, what a dumb-dumb you are. It’s a nice little flirty moment of tension between the two of them which doesn’t involve Haldane unapologetically dribbling.

In case you’ve forgotten the very scant details of the plot so far, Captain Podly comes in with Brogan to get a recap. There’s no physical evidence, DNA, or anything else to suggest someone was involved in the death of Jonita and her dog. We, the audience, already know that to be the case since, y’know, we watched it happen. I do think it’s an interesting measure of a Space Precinct script to see how far behind in the plot the main characters are at any given time compared to the audience watching at home. The wider the gap, the more infuriating the episode tends to be. I would judge the current gap to be about average.

While Ingram and the sketch artist are left staring at each other awkwardly, Haldane and Castle unveil the picture of their suspect. Nobody is sure of his species, so politely asking neighbouring planets if they’ve lost a beardy weirdy isn’t going to work.

I’d sort of forgotten that Vachel was still floating around outside the station house. He follows Ingram back to the city. The model photography, particularly the motion control work, looks as good as ever. Ingram’s vehicle touches down atop an apartment block.

Ingram comes home and utterly fails to hang up his jacket. Cor, what a moron. This moment makes very little sense, but that’s because it’s purely for the benefit of the camera. As Ingram picks up his jacket he disturbs the doggie door… which is an odd thing to have on an apartment door. Again, it doesn’t make any sense because it’s only there for our benefit to establish that Ingram has a dog… or at the very least it establishes that there’s a very easy way for a passing dog to come in from outside should it feel like murdering anyone.

Vachel lands on the ground and prepares something that looks suspiciously like a weapon. I mean, we all know that it’s the dog that’s going to be doing the killing because that’s what was set up at the beginning of the episode, but sure, we can introduce an element of mystery by showing Vachel with a gun.

Wanna know something? I don’t hate the design of this apartment set. It’s a step above the usual technique of shoving mismatching furniture in a space surrounded by plain, pastel-coloured walls or hideous wallpaper. An attempt has been made to light the space in an interesting way. The furniture isn’t totally tasteless – sure, it is a little bit dated, but relatively speaking it’s good for Space Precinct. The long, narrow windows don’t remotely match the wide panoramic windows seen from outside, but I can forgive that because the view of the city looks terrific.

What a pity that all this competent lighting and set design is being horrendously upstaged by whatever the ruddy heck Ingram is wearing in this scene. It’s a cross between a dressing gown and an Elizabethan frock and I want to burn it.

Ingram basically explains to his secretary, Kenzy, that Jonita’s death was sad but oh well, tough luck. Yeah, I knew I was right about this guy. He’s now trying to get his grubby mitts on Jonita’s business assets, even trying to track down a copy of her will. Of course, the kiddies watching at home probably won’t be following any of this corporate malarkey… they’re just waiting to see a blood-soaked dog corpse again. That’s my cue for me to ask the rhetorical question I always ask in these reviews – who is this show supposed to be for?

Ingram ends the call and takes a seat, the restrictive collar digging into his neck in that oh-so-comfortable way I would expect from my pyjamas.

We cut to the POV of a growling creature with some kind of digital bleeping sound in their ears. Apparently the animal accelerates (or maybe just breathes out) with such force that the rug moves by itself.

Time for cuddles…

The attack is a bit awkward. The creature (aka the camera operator) lunges for Ingram, who manages to push away at first. They stand around for a second, not really knowing what else to do, before the camera comes towards Ingram again so that the attack can resume as scripted. Then it’s all screaming and camera shaking until we fade out for the commercial break.

Time for a thrilling action sequence! It’s one of those classic Space Precinct chase scenes that we all know and love! Suspense and excitement aplenty!

Lieutenant Brogan is on the case, ready to intercept the perp at a moment’s notice! He’s armed to the teeth with his ‘Prime Elder’ mug which we previously saw destroyed during the events of Deadline.

With all his experience as a seasoned negotiator, Brogan apprehends the thief and returns the stolen goods.

But never mind all that, here’s the moment you’ve all been waiting for. Liz has written a poem to express her desire to win the Demeter Dogs competition. I’ll share the verse in full:

My brother Matt tells me I can’t write,
“Get tweaked,” he says, and we have a fight.
I say, “Get tweaked yourself,” gnarled-up in a furrow,
I won’t be jacked til a Demeter dog is hanging in our burrow.

Thrash.

It’s powerful stuff. Patrick and Matt look impressed. The story goes that actor Megan Olive wrote that poem herself. They probably should have let her tackle the rest of the script too.

Megan Olive’s not the only one showing off her talents today as Nic Klein expertly navigates the set on his standard-issue 1994 rollerblades.

The top of the set is clearly visible while Sally gives the kids their school lunches. Zil twitches away in the background. The annoying little ferret looks like it’s witnessed a war crime.

On their way to school, Matt and Liz encounter a pervert lurking outside the front door.

“Uncle Jack” invites himself in. Nancy Paul does some more improv with an unscripted “well, hello.” Bless her, she just wants more to do.

For a man who died having his neck chewed by a mad dog, Ingram looks remarkably cheerful this morning.

The forensics team are working away on forensics stuff. They have a machine marked “Forensic Analysis Systems” with four big buttons – “Human”, “Alien”, “Scan”, and “Print”. You’d be right in thinking that second button is comically vague for a planet as diverse as Altor.

The cops are doing an excellent job standing around while other people do the work.

One of the people doing all the work is Officer Took, who drags in a witness named Mr. Douglas. He claims to have seen a hopper and immediately recognises the driver from the picture on Haldane’s multi-com. I love the way Mr. Douglas looks ever so pleased with himself, and listens intently to Brogan’s instructions like he’s now been inducted as an honorary member of the gang. We never see Mr. Douglas again, but I hope he treats himself to something nice for being a good little boy.

The camera tracks across Demeter City in all its dramatic magnificence. The place is looking remarkably good considering all those catastrophic explosions it’s been suffering through over the past couple of weeks.

The Creon garbage collector we met at the station earlier is working down a dark alleyway. Remember all those streets that were chopped in half by the Solartek killer death ray last week? This man singlehandedly swept up the mess… probably.

He wanders past a familiar hopper and catches a glimpse of Vachel using the Vidphone. The garbage man parks up his brand new, sparkling clean, cutting edge D.C. 414 Street Cleaner and goes for another look. Needless to say, a futuristic street cleaner looks just like a regular street cleaner but with a sticker slapped on the front.

So far, our garbage man gets a 10 out of 10 for his terrific covert ops. Vachel doesn’t suspect a thing.

Okay, now he does.

Our wannabe spy rushes back to his cleaner and disappears around a corner. Great work, slick.

Vachel is searching the phone directory and highlights Rill Koprov of 193 Fly Over Blvd, East One. The name below that is ‘Sum Yong Guy’. Very witty. The Vidphone directory speaks with a very similar robotic voice to Slomo.

The prosthetic make-up for Vachel is very good indeed. It’s one of the more understated alien designs that we’ve seen for the series so far, which is actually why it stands out and makes the character intriguing. David Burke’s eyes are piercing and magnificent, so it was definitely the right move to keep them visible. We have yet to hear the character speak, but it’s already clear that there’s something deeply sad about him, and that there’s more than meets the eye. He’s an unsettling presence, but seemingly not evil. Of course, I’m saying all that with the benefit of hindsight. Audiences at home might have clocked him as a wrong’un from the start.

The garbage man calls Fredo to report the sighting, so at least he does something with the information and isn’t a complete chicken.

Vachel has a special scanner for tuning into police frequencies and pops it on the roof of his car. It’s a little box with a big red button and a flashing red light, so very much at the cutting edge of technology.

Likewise, Brogan and Haldane can now see Vachel. He’s not in the mood to chat, but does insist that he’s not a murderer… which doesn’t seem fishy at all.

We get an “I love this job” from Brogan. I’m starting to detect a hint of sarcasm whenever he says that.

This episode desperately needed some action so the chase begins at just the right time. For a change of scenery, today’s chase is brought to you in a tunnel. Haldane isn’t keen on the idea but Brogan reckons they’ll reach a dead end and catch Vachel soon. Somehow, Vachel’s little green hopper survives barreling through a barricade, so hope for a dead end is rapidly fading.

Now they’re on a train line, but it’s not immediately obvious because of the distinct lack of trains. It’s insinuated through bright lights and Haldane screaming a lot that they encounter a locomotive heading straight towards them. I would have loved to see Steven Begg and Bill Pearson’s take on a Demeter City metro train, but alas, not today.

Train successfully avoided, the cruiser dives into a big open area conveniently devoid of people or dangerous objects so it can crash safely. Haldane gives Brogan an “I told you so” look which is a bit rich from the man who tried to make friends with a mind-robbing prostitute last week. Anyway, they report to Fredo that Vachel is lost, and now Haldane’s offering to buy lunch. Normally we’d cut there, some time would pass, and we’d pick up the story elsewhere.

Nope, today we watch Brogan and Haldane fly off to a different part of the city to get their lunch. Okay plot, you do you.

While Haldane goes to get coffee, Brogan takes yet another call from Fredo. He may not be doing anything interesting, but Fredo’s certainly getting a lot of screen time this week. He reports that the mystery man, Vachel, is an Uldred from the rim world, Nevin Three. Little is known about the planet except that it’s locked in a civil war. Don’t worry, that bit of back story is actually vaguely relevant, unlike the world building exposition that usually gets dumped on us in these situations.

Twist time! Vachel has come for Brogan with his gun drawn! I genuinely wasn’t expecting that.

After the commercial break, Haldane comes back with coffee. But Brogan is gone. Wah-wah.

Vachel’s hopper takes flight. I always appreciate the little detail of showing two moons on the sky backdrop in these model shots.

No time for coffee.

The police cruiser won’t start. Something to do with the massive hole that’s been blasted in the control unit. Jack isn’t too happy. He’ll have to buy another cup of coffee.

The flying stop sign seen often in these city scenes is being suspended from a visible rig in the top right of the frame as Vachel’s car flies by.

Brogan is at the helm while Vachel points a gun at him – Brogan’s gun to be specific. Strap in for some exposition. Vachel didn’t murder Styles or Ingram and was only observing the crime scenes. He intercepted a communique… yes, we’re using fancy words like communique now… between Altor and Nevin Three. Styles and Ingram were involved with the Omera, a nomadic race of thieves and killers from beyond the rim worlds. They’ve taken over Vachel’s planet and now they’re coming for Altor. Brogan is the only person Vachel can be sure doesn’t work for the Omera. Not the military or even a more senior official – just little ol’ Patrick Brogan. David Burke does an admirable job regaling us with this tale but boy do you have to concentrate to fully grasp it all.

They arrive outside the home of Koprov, the man Vachel was looking up in the phone directory earlier. With some fairly impressive digital composition, Koprov and his dog are shown walking to a car. Of course there’s a dog involved. Vachel wants to follow Koprov because he was also mentioned in the Omera’s communique. Brogan is hesitant. Vachel explains that he’s lost everything and the only thing he has to live for is the Omera’s destruction. Sounds a bit murdery to me, but yeah, sure, okay buddy, we’ll believe that you’re not a murderer.

Fun fact: Koprov’s dog was the highest paid actor on the entire series… okay, no they weren’t, but for a second you believed that was true, didn’t you?

The cars zip through the empty skies above Demeter City.

This might be a controversial opinion here, but I don’t think the dog puppet looks that bad. Now I’ll grant you that the transition from real dog to fake dog is a bit comical and the two were never going to sit well alongside each other. But a lot of work has gone into making the puppet look as detailed and grotesque as possible.

I think the trouble comes when the puppet moves and opens its mouth as wide as possible. Dogs don’t really do that when they’re about to attack. It might bare its teeth, sure, but I see no evolutionary advantage for a dog to show you the back of its throat before it takes a chunk out of you.

Needless to say, the BBC were not too keen on the blood-soaked dog when preparing the episode for screening its 6:00 pm time slot. Frankly, I don’t know whether the fast cutting makes the thing more or less scary. On paper, reducing the amount of time the scary thing appears on screen should make the show more suitable for broadcasting at teatime. In practice, the rapid editing probably makes the puppet more effective and even more frightening to children since they don’t get a clear look at it. All we really see is the shiny red blood dripping from its teeth.

Koprov loses control of his vehicle and crashes on the street in a huge fireball, pursued by Brogan and Vachel. It’s a pedantic point that I’ve raised in the past but I’ll raise it again – how come Vachel’s hopper was able to blast through the barricade a few minutes ago without getting a scratch, while Koprov’s car is totally obliterated here? Yes – out of everything else, I’m saying that’s the thing that doesn’t make sense here.

Our new double act arrive at the crash site to find… well, not a lot. Koprov is dead, obviously, and we have to assume that the dog didn’t make it either. David Burke’s performance becomes delightfully Shakespearean as he mournfully addresses the middle distance. The flames are positioned in front of the camera to make it look like there’s more destruction on the set than there actually is. Brogan agrees that he’ll start looking into Styles, Ingram, and Koprov to find a connection with the Omera. Vachel finally gives his name, but gets scared off by the other police cruisers arriving. Again, it’s quite a theatrical moment from David Burke.

Podly has a hard time believing Vachel’s version of events. Brogan doesn’t exactly do much to convince him.

I can’t take my eyes off Rob Youngblood. Look at his cheeky little grin as Haldane delights in teasing his partner about the preposterous story.

Poor Brogan just can’t catch a break.

Haldane tries to continue mocking Brogan’s misfortune, but Slomo doesn’t have time for such nonsense. After all, he’s just been “uploading a gigabyte.” Yes – a whole one!

Here’s what a gigabyte of information looks like, apparently. The otherwise impressive AI upscaling of the episodes for this blu-ray release has, unfortunately, mangled the words and made them quite difficult to read. There are a few highlights though: Solartek Corp. as featured in last week’s episode, The Power; Morrow-Graham, Inc. named after the series’ Story Editors, Philip Morrow and Sam Graham; and Lefkon Merchandising named after Co-Executive Producer, Roger Lefkon.

Brogan presses a few buttons and quickly finds that of all the companies in Styles, Ingram, and Koprov’s portfolios, only one connects the three of them – Demeter Dogs, Inc. – Brogan recognises the name from Liz’s competition entry form. Don’t worry, we will come back to that subplot eventually. Haldane uses his extraordinary detective brain to announce that Styles and Koprov had dogs, but he’s not sure about Ingram… the doggie door in his apartment wasn’t enough of a clue, apparently.

So, off we go to the headquarters of Demeter Dogs, conveniently labeled with a massive billboard. I’d be quite surprised if that enormous skyscraper was home to just that one company. Otherwise that’s the biggest pet store I’ve ever seen.

Wow, Brogan and Haldane have really changed in the last five seconds.

Someone’s being a very bad boy and pinching a bottle of Aladine 50.

Well, my oh my, and who is this handsome dish? Brogan has found himself a Clark Kent disguise and calls himself Mr. Needham – named after Co-Executive Producer, John Needham.

Exeter explains that their dogs are only placed in carefully selected homes. He’s clearly charmed by Mr. Needham. I know I am.

Meet, Slan Nuri. He’s a man with red eyes, deathly pale skin, and a whacking great hole in his cranium. He’s not a very nice man. Paul Brennan plays the part with a deliciously haunted tone. Most guest actors seem to have escaped from revoicing this week so their authentic performances are allowed to flourish.

In short, Brogan’s disguise sucks, and the computer identifies him immediately.

Nuri wants to get to know Brogan a bit better. Purely for innocent reasons, I suspect. Favourite movies, whether he prefers red or white wine, that sort of thing. Nothing sinister, surely?

Back in the police cruiser, Mr. Needham has vanished and Patrick Brogan is back with us again. The lads plan to take the Aladine 50 sample to the forensics lab for analysis to find out whether it really does cure Creon fever. I must say, I’m not exactly gripped right now. The episode has taken some interesting twists and turns but the plot hasn’t advanced much recently.

Exeter is panicking… the character, that is, not the city in Devon. Exeter reveals himself as a bad guy, which isn’t exactly a shocking revelation. Apparently there’s a plan that they’re not ready to move ahead. Yes, there is a plan, but we don’t know what it is yet. In fact how exactly we get from dogs murdering business executives to complete planetary domination remains a mystery throughout. Somehow Exeter’s learned that Brogan is heading up the Styles/Ingram murder investigation – not really sure where he gained that insight. So, Nuri suggests they find an “inventive” way to keep Brogan out of the way. Spoiler alert – it won’t be that inventive.

Meanwhile, Sally says there’s a surprise waiting for Liz. I wonder if this has any connection to the previous scene. At this point in the narrative it would be strange if it didn’t.

You know it’s a bad sign when the dog they picked for this scene looks the same as the puppet of the mad killer dog they used earlier.

Liz and Sally are delighted by the surprise. And let’s be honest, it is a surprise because nobody thought Liz’s poem was actually going to win a prize.

Zil is less pleased about the situation. Putting Zil and a labrador in the same scene just flags why it’s so ruddy weird to have a real animal in Space Precinct in the first place. When all the creatures are puppets, the audience can suspend their disbelief and buy into the false reality created on-screen. When some creatures are puppets and others are real animals, the illusion is somewhat broken and characters like Zil just end up looking like props by comparison.

Exeter goes to maximum creep-mode and suggests they not tell Liz’s father about the dog in order to keep it a surprise. If it were me, I’d tell the weirdo to butt out of my family affairs.

Liz cuddles her dog while ominous music plays and we have to mentally prepare ourselves for the possibility that she’ll be getting her throat torn out by the beloved new pet before the end of the episode. One way or another, it’s a good reason to stay tuned.

In an unscripted moment, Brogan waltzes into the station house and nearly bumps into Slomo.

Castle has been checking up on Exeter and has discovered that he’s a serial scam artist. Brogan hardly seems surprised that a man giving away puppies to children isn’t all he’s cracked up to be. What a cynical world we live in.

Haldane, Castle, and Took enjoy a moment to act like school kids with cheeky glances, flirty lines, and high fives. It’s cute, and the lovely thing is that it seems to go both ways between Jack and Jane. A subtle change in the wind of their relationship, perhaps? Probably not, but I can dream of some genuine character development, can’t I?

Meanwhile, Romek has been talking to his contact in military intelligence about the Omera. Except there hasn’t actually been much talking. The Omera are a hush-hush topic.

“Loose lips vaporise space-ships,” quips Orrin. It’s basically his only contribution to the episode and I don’t know about you but I genuinely laughed out loud.

Brogan and Romek aren’t won over and remain in stunned silence for a moment. This reaction isn’t scripted. It’s all been worked out by the actors and the director, Jim Goddard.

We haven’t talked much about Jim Goddard because there hasn’t been much to say. Seek and Destroy was his one and only contribution to Space Precinct, and for my money he does a decent job at telling the story. Fairly average, let’s say. Goddard was a veteran of the television industry, perhaps lacking the feature film flair of someone like John Glen or Alan Birkinshaw, a characteristic Gerry Anderson clearly desired for the series. I can’t imagine Goddard was particularly thrilled with the script for Seek and Destroy, so maybe it was mutually beneficial for him to bow out of the series after one installment.

Slomo arrives with news from Forensics about…

… the Aladine 50 vaccine. In short, it’s not a vaccine at all. Yes, all those dogs are going to die of Creon fever after all – but we’ll get to that later.

The forensic specialist has found a fragment in the body of Styles’ dog. It’s clear he’s going to take the long way around when it comes to explaining all of this.

Haldane guesses that it’s a computer chip and the forensic announces, “go to the top of the class!” Brogan and Haldane are less than amused by this guy’s cheerful attitude.

The chip was likely implanted in the dog to radiate signals. A quick experiment reveals that Aladine 50 likes to go fizzy when subjected to beta spectrum frequencies. That level of fizziness inside a dog’s brain would drive them mad.

Brogan summarises for us – “From pet to predator in the blink of an eye.” Thanks mate, I really needed your help grasping that one.

Meanwhile, Liz is bonding with her new pet, named Sophie. The script gave the dog the name Trevor and assumed it would be a boy. To quote Chris Bentley’s episode guide, “this was changed to Sophie when the producers learned that a bitch would be better behaved on set.”

The slang comes thick and fast as Matt considers the name Sophie to be “jingus”, and suggests something more “rezz’n” like… wait for it… Headbanger. If that’s what it means to be rezz’n, I don’t want to be rezz’n.

Sally comes over for a cuddle with the new dog, but heartily objects to whatever the heck that noise is that Zil’s making over there…

“What do you mean we’re not even halfway through the series?!”

Matt’s leaving to go and “study at the library.” That doesn’t sound particularly rezz’n to me.

Sally goes to answer the phone while Liz soldiers on with teaching Sophie to shake.

Sally drops hints for Brogan about Liz’s big surprise but doesn’t give it away because the whole plot hinges on it. The rest of the episode is fairly predictable at this point so consider me bored now.

On the other line, Brogan gets a call from a Creon hooker and Haldane only half-suspects that she’s just an informant. Jack’s got a very wicked sense of humour this week and I like it.

In an absolutely ludicrous exchange, the stoic Vachel almost gets into a fight with the hooker to get on the phone. He pays her off and the scene can resume as normal. Vachel is pleased to learn about the progress in Brogan’s investigation and insists on action.

Brogan says they can’t move in yet because the Omera have “made some very powerful friends.” What friends does he mean? The dogs? Vachel is having none of it and insists he’ll be the one to stop the Omera from destroying civilisation. I hope he does it sooner rather than later because I’m getting sleepy.

To cut a very tedious scene short, Vachel breaks into the Demeter Dogs office and copies data from their computer onto a floppy disk. It’s a painfully long process, made even more painful by the naff computer graphics.

The lights come on and Slan Nuri enters the room with a table-hopping flourish. Smooth.

Vachel and Nuri enjoy a bit of a stand off. The guest actors are really excellent this week.

Nuri has the device ready to activate the Brogan family dog’s killer instinct, and invites Vachel to switch it on… which is a bit of a strange invitation. I guess he’s just being a generous host.

The moment Exeter realises that Vachel is wearing a wire, the police come bounding in with weapons drawn. The dogs off to the side watch the action with intrigue.

Nuri borrows Vachel’s gun, but Brogan fires first and knocks the creep to the floor.

Huh. Apparently shooting Nuri has no effect whatsoever. He just does exactly what he was going to do anyway but on his knees. So, he activates the device. Big whoop.

Brogan is not so keen on this development. Not only did they spoil his big surprise, but now his daughter is about to be brutally killed by a wild dog. It’s not a great day.

It’s time to get the dog’s POV while we listen to irritating bleeping and more of Zil’s insane chirping. This isn’t exactly an easy episode on the ears.

Liz gives Sophie the dirtiest look while looking for jelly in the fridge… to go with the peanut butter, obviously.

The gang are racing back to the suburbs while that ruddy bleeping noise keeps bleeping away and getting on my bleeping nerves. Vachel has been put in charge of figuring out the control device, but he looks like a clueless grandma with an iPhone.

Liz sniffs something in the fridge, somehow going for ages without acknowledging the fact her dog looks like it’s stepped on a piece of LEGO.

At last she figures out something isn’t right and backs away while calling for her mother. The phone is ringing too. It’s a serious assault on the eardrums. How is Sally not hearing this?

Ah yes, one of those special showers that you only find in TV shows that are completely soundproof.

Rising tension now as Brogan keeps trying to call home, Liz backs into the corner of her bedroom with nowhere to go, the dog keeps on growling, and Sally keeps on washing that impressive shrub on top of her head.

Brogan grabs the control device and comes up with an ingenious solution to all their problems…

… he whacks the thing until it stops. Yes, like most Space Precinct scripts by J. Larry Carroll & David Bennett Carren, the whole story is resolved in the most pathetically mediocre way possible.

The cruiser lands and Brogan charges into the apartment where a bewildered and soggy Sally is waiting. He kicks his daughter’s bedroom door in like there’s a spotty teenager up to no good on the other side. Liz is surprised but certainly not bleeding profusely out of a major artery like one might have expected.

The dog’s fine. Liz is fine. Everyone’s fine. Smashing the control device worked. The episode’s basically over. Go home.

Yes, tender family moment, very good, well done, yes.

Back at the station house, Vachel has been invited to watch the processing of the Omeran spies… which essentially translates to a lot of pushing and shoving at the front desk. Podly announces that the Omera have been found by a battalion from the League of Planets laying low in the straits of Nebulon. Well that’s alright then.

Castle and Haldane are chatting about the resolution to the plot. Jane accuses Jack of being unable to spot the obvious. Oh, yes, even the characters are admitting that the outcome of the episode was thoroughly predictable.

Vachel’s heading back to Nevin Three to rebuild his home world. He smiles for the first time as he shakes Brogan’s hand… and I have to say smiling doesn’t suit him.

Then, Sally and Liz arrive to wrap up one more loose thread…

A tearful Liz has to say goodbye to Sophie in a scene reminiscent of Gerry Anderson’s The Day After Tomorrow: Into Infinity. The dogs all have to go back to Earth to avoid contracting Creon fever. Sally rubs salt into the wound by suggesting that the reason Sophie didn’t attack Liz is because the dog loved her too much. Sophie finally learns how to shake paws. I’m not crying, you’re crying.

Well this is more heartbreaking than it deserves to be.

Yup, I’ve gone.

Liz breaks down.

Sally and Patrick exchange looks… and the episode ends there. Yup. Just there. On this master of the episode, John Needham and Roger Lefkon’s credits have been left off of the final freeze frame to preserve the tender moment. You can see the original credit in the correct place on the DVD version if you’re a monster who wants the tender moment ruined.

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Seek and Destroy exists. You just have to accept that. It really shouldn’t exist, but it does. In an ideal world someone would have told the writers and producers that it was a bad idea to put killer puppies in a family show. But they went ahead with it, and the result is… average. And I actually mean that in a good way because it could have been so much worse. Jim Goddard’s direction is steady though not inspiring. The regular cast aren’t exactly taxing themselves, probably because the script doesn’t offer them anything especially meaty. Megan Olive breaks my heart in that final scene so I’ve got to give her credit for that. The guest actors are on good form. David Burke is memorable as Vachel, even if he’s acting in a completely different style to everyone else on screen. Paul Brennan’s Slan Nuri is underrated too. But my overall assessment of Seek and Destroy is that the series can and must do better.

As I mentioned earlier, I’m now into the part of the series that I have never watched before. I’ve not even read a synopsis for any of the upcoming episodes. All I’ve been told by Space Precinct fans is that the show gets better at some point. So, I suppose now is a good time to assess my hopes for the rest of the series.

1. I hope the quality of the lighting and set design continues to improve. It’s getting there slowly, but there’s some way to go.
2. I want Haldane and Castle’s relationship to develop. We’ve been in this flirty holding pattern for too long and I think the actors are capable of taking it further if the writers will allow it.
3. Here’s the most important one – I hope the writers figure out how to keep the tone of the show consistent. I thought they’d more or less figured it out when we got to The Snake and Time To Kill, but more recent installments have over-corrected and made the series an unpleasant watch for kids and adults alike. Pick a lane and run with it, please!